'Tis the Season

It's coming up to that time of year where I have to buy presents for people.

I know, I know, it's hypocritical of me, being athiest, to celebrate Christmas. But I really don't.

I celebrate X-mas.

The 'X' stands for excess and I base my celebration on the three 'C's; consumerism, commodification and commercialism. I celebrate these ideologies once a year by attending packed shopping centres at the last minute and buying overpriced, irrelevant items for people who would prefer a gift-voucher. I ritualistically swipe my credit card. I solemnly, in an act of selflessness akin to Jesus himself, attach the receipt to the gift in the event that the giftee wishes to return it. There's no room for humility at X-mas time. I give and give and give, until the ribbon can curl no more and my fingertips are bleeding from $2 shop tape-dispenser mishaps.

Basically the method in previous years has been to buy mass-produced gifts that are about the right size, cost and age-appropriateness - which, in fairness, is perfectly in keeping with the three Cs.

But this year I've decided to do things differently.

Firstly, I realised that I know lots of exceptionally talented people. These people write books. Books are good gifts for two reasons, (1) if you buy them early enough you can read them yourself before you pass them on, and (2) they are easy to wrap and post.

So here is my X-mas shopping list. As I love and/or know all of these authors (I love all of them and know some of them) it's especially heartwarming because I am giving them the gift of potentially making the Readings Top 10 list. Wahoo!

Also, the list is all Australian. Go me!

So here you are, the 2010 Screamedia X-mas gift list;

Andrew Marlton
First Dog on The Moon's The Story of The Christmas Story

Firstly, for the kiddles, there is that loveable pup, Crikey's own First Dog on the Moon. If only there was a Dance Bandicoot plushie to go with it *sigh*. What a precious little book this is. There are quirky little bits only grown-ups will notice and enough crazy fun for the littlies.

Paul Kelly
How to Make Gravy

This one is my gift to myself - I might get it for someone else too, but I will have to get another copy because I am enjoying cradling this one in my arms like a warm blanket. I wish I wish I wish that Kelly would record a full audiobook for this. This video from ABC's Big Ideas is such a tease.

Benjamin Law
The Family Law

I love this book. That is all. You can read me gushing about it here. I know exactly for whom I will be purchasing it; someone that is maybe homesick and maybe needs a good laugh and is definitely missed terribly.

Tony Wilson
Making News

I produce the Triple R Breakfasters podcast. Wilson is a former Breakfaster. I am related to sports-loving freaks. Wilson makes sports entertaining. It's all coming together. Not only will I be gifting this but I am currently reading it myself, contrary to being violently opposed to anything even mildly sports-related. Also, I have been promised a sex scene. That is all. 

E. Chas McSween, Enron Hubbard, Flash Johnson, Hunter McKenzie-Smythe, 

Intravenus DeMilo, Michael Jayfox
Things Bogans Like 

I'm pretty sure gifting this little ditty will get me excommunicated from some friend groups. But I don't like the idea of giving it to my Fitzroyalty friends so they can have a collective snigger at our Ed Hardy-wearing, Bacardi Breezer-sipping, Zumba-loving associates. That's just nasty. I'd rather give the book to the supposed Bogans so they can have a giggle at themselves. Hopefully by next year there will be a Things Elitist Intelligentsia from the Inner North-East Like book to sort out the rest of my gift-purchasing.

Shaun Micallef
Preincarnate

Genius. Micallef's 2004 book Smithereens takes pride of place on my bookshelf - as will our wedding photo when he finally retracts the AVO he has filed against me. That's a joke of course - the photo would go on the wall, not the bookshelf. In all seriousness, Micallef is a fantastic writer, humourist, entertainer, specimen of a man and all-round-talent-powder-keg. Can't wait to get my grubby little hands on this one. One for me, one for you.

Barrie Cassidy
The Party Thieves: The Real Story of the 2010 Election 

For the politics nerds. There's nothing like starting a new year reading about the last one.

Pip Lincolne
Sew La Tea Do

I want this one too. A crafty little ditty like this totally goes against the X-mas spirit of mass-production and consumerism but hey, in the religion of ME anything goes. And it's pretty. So there.

Curvy 7 & Semi-Permanent 2010 (books 1 and 2)

Eeeeek. I wait with bated breath every year for these precious prints to be released. Illustration. Design. Love.

Oslo Davis
Overheard

A nice little stocking filler. Not only are Oslo's illustrations gorgeously funny, I got to interview him a few months ago for a sound project I was working on and he is just as charming, witty and sharp as his artistry suggests.

So, there it is. All tied up with a neat little bow.

Who have I forgotten? There's so much wonderful book-ness out there.  Have YOU written a book that I should add to my shopping list?

Add your own Australian book gifting ideas in the comments below.

Not so Packed to the Rafters

Well whaddaya know, it was an in-law that died in the much anticipated 'bubble bursting' episode of Packed to the Rafters tonight. No big shock as there was talk of actor Zoe Ventoura (who plays Mel) wanting to head off overseas.

I haven't really watched Packed to the Rafters since season one, which I didn't mind at all. Since then though it's become a cringe-worthy mix of awkward scripts, over-acting and sweeter-than-honey schmultz. I started watching way-back-when because of Zoe Ventoura - I loved her on the SBS comedy/drama Kick! Why could they not have killed off Ben? (played by Hugh Sheridan) - he is the character I like least, and by like least I mean loathe.

Don't get me wrong, there are some wonderful things about Packed to the Rafters. Jessica Marais namely (who plays Rachel) and of course Rebecca Gibney is Australian tv royalty. But the show has become the later-on-at-night-only-once-a-week-and-on-a-different-channel Neighbours. What I mean is, shit happens but everything's okay. The strong focus on family and niceness and everyone being wonderful and white and wholesome gets a bit old. Yes, sometimes it's nice to watch sunshine, lollipops and blue skies but the characters and the story-lines are so predictable.

Maybe I'm a bit cynical. I did try to hang in there until all the 'Carbo the ethnic neighbour' story-lines that involved him *hilariously* being mistaken as *deep inhale* a gay. Oh what fun and frivolity was made of that mix-up! ROFLMAOLOLROFagain ... not.

Needless to say, I wasn't all that happy about having to sit through 45 minutes or so of lovey-dovey crap tonight before the big death scene. We get it - you're really in love - that will make it way worse when one of you dies *slaps forehead*.

There were two good things about the first 45 minutes though, (1) the dodgy cousin storyline. I can't help but like that guy, he reminds me of my own dodgy cousins. And (2) Nathan. The character of Nathan has developed a lot since season one, as has the actor Angus McLaren. He is really very good, and a bit cute, which is helpful.

Back to the 'death in the family'. The first shot of the episode was a close-up of Mel. Dead giveaway, if you'll pardon the pun. Even though I'd been expecting it for nearly an hour the actual collision was quite shocking. A car ploughed into hers at an intersection and the aerial shot holding on that moment felt like forever. Well done. There was a scene following that was also very good; when Nathan arrived at the hotel to tell Ben. The look on Nathan's face was pitch-perfect.

Then we got a walk-through of the family at the hospital, Dave Rafter leading Ben through to the morgue to see Mel. All quite powerful and tear-inducing (if you're not a cold-hearted cynic like myself of course). And finally we get the 'bubble' narrative back with good old grand-dad and baby Ruby. 

And here is where I got annoyed. Firstly, because the bubble thing was stupid to begin with - bubbles? really? life is like bubbles? I suppose it was the rather crap explanation from Ted earlier in the episode re the bubble factor that killed it. And secondly, at the very end of the episode, the screen faded to white - and stayed white for a few moments.

A teensy bit of a rip-off of one of the most iconic moments in Australian television history - the death of Molly Jones on A Country Practice. Of course when Molly died the screen faded to black (because her eyes closed). Here's the last five or so minutes of that episode;

It's a heartbreaker. Even now, even though I've seen it 50 million times.

I have to say, comparably, even with all the build-up and the 'who-will-it-be?' speculation about tonight's Packed to the Rafters, Mel's death was pretty forgettable.

While I'm talking about death scenes and Australian tv, here's one that I thought was better than the one we saw tonight - and who would have guessed it, it's from Neighbours (maybe skip to the 8 minute mark);

I think I'll go back to not watching Packed to the Rafters, mainly because the rest of the season will be focused on Ben, who is rather annoying. 

I'll stick to watching YouTube videos of those wacky Timmins' from Colac ... or, you know, doing something constructive with my life.