screamedia

Devine Right to Eat Animals

2011-10-12T20:43:00.001+11:00

It's hard to express how confounded I became reading this article by Miranda Devine. I know it's from last week - I only stumbled across it today. I only read Devine when I feel like being irritated - and today I really got my wish. There are so many confusing aspects, things to be surprised at, shocked even. But the most unsurprising aspect of course, is that Miranda Devine is a dullard. There's no other conclusion to draw.

Of course, I'm sure you all had concluded this some time ago, probably when she insinuated lesbian parents caused the London riots. It's just that sometimes, a person's level of idiocy defies even your low expectations of them as a functioning human being.

It's air. You need it to breathe Miranda. Suck it in and blow it out. There's a clever dear.

If I were a meat eater, and passionate about my right to eat meat, I might choose to use less idiotic justifications than "well plants have feelings too!" (sticks out tongue and puts hands on hips). I mean, really. That's what you're going with?

The point of the article (if there is one) seems to be to rebut High Court Judge Michael Kirby's statements about animals as sentient beings. She seems a little put out by his suggestion that humans can empathise; "In other words, those of us who eat meat do not have sufficient empathy. Thanks, your worship."

Jumping on the defensive, jumping to conclusions, and being patronising - she really has earned her stripes as a News Limited columnist.

She goes on to say that most people feel sadness in relation to animal deaths. Quite true. - If that death is happening in front of you. But if it happened in a remote factory with high fences, and the delicious suckling pig on the plate in front of you bore no resemblance to the sweet little thing who had its throat slit so you could pay $120 to have it served to you in three different ways ... Probably not.

The idea that farmers "more than most" empathise with their animals is laughable. I grew up on a farm. Farmers are made of hard stuff - I suppose because they have to be. It would be a rare farmer who shed a tear at every head of cattle sent to slaughter - and one that would likely need to be institutionalised at suffering so very much empathy - considering the amount of animals killed in modern-day factory farming. But of course as a self-proclaimed product of the uber-urban lifestyle, Devine would probably know best about such matters.

Let's see, what else does she have to say? Oh yes, she mentions Jonathan Safran Foer's "new" book, Eating Animals. That would be the book he released in 2009 - which she should have known seeing as she clearly checked the Wikipedia page (having nabbed a Natalie Portman quote from it).

Then there's the old poor-people-don't-have-the-luxury-of-choosing-not-to-eat-meat argument. Some poor people don't have the luxury of choosing to use a toilet, or to change their clothes - so we fat, rich, elites in the developed world probably shouldn't do those things either. Devine seems a little jealous of their 'get out of jail free' inability to source sustainable food that is not meat. Perhaps she should move to a Sudanese village where she can enjoy all the goat stew her heart desires without that nagging 'empathy' she feels so very deeply.

"Moral vanity"! "sentimental meat phobia"! Strong made-up language there, but hold on to your hats people - us dirty hippy vegos are trying to destroy the ready availability of protein!!! Is nothing SACRED? Will no one think of the CHILDREN? We have a tax on carbon and now THIS?!

Devine uses professor of agriculture, Dr Greg Hertzler, to bang out the everything-you-eat-harms-a-living-creature argument. Okay, so instead of endeavouring to be aware of where our food comes from and to not harm living creatures in sustaining ourselves, we should just kill all of them because some of them are going to die anyway! I mean, if the mice are being killed in the bread factory - we might as well kill ALL mice! And if we're going to kill all mice, we might as well kill ALL animals! And if we're going to go that far, we might as well kill ALL LIVING THINGS!! Including EACH OTHER!! Mwahahahahah!

Wow, sorry, I got carried away there - but as Good Christians love to say; it's a slippery slope.

Then there's the poem. The poem that Devine seems to be using to prove her point, but that actually disproves at least one of them; That farmers feel empathy and acknowledge the suffering of their animals. In fact, the premise of the poem is that after a while, when animals are murdered on the farm, the narrator 'just shrugs' - such has he become desensitised to the act.

Proof that Devine hasn't understood the poem, or the topic, or anything really, is in her final line; "The point is, we all feel bad about killing animals. But in the end we have to eat." Well, no actually, that is not the point at all. In fact, that statement is completely wrong, (a) because no, not all people feel bad about killing animals, and (b) the need to eat does not relate to animals being killed. At least, not for us privileged folk in the first world - in fact, it is our privilege that should make us want to at least try to eat sustainably and to avoid inflicting pain on other creatures as much as we can.

Indeed Miranda, "living replaces false sentiments". - If we're only talking about your living, and the false sentiments are those that you feign in relation to having your food die for you. The fact is, I don't eat animals, or use animal products, or even eat factory-made bread for that matter - because I figure if I can live without having another animal feel pain because of me, why wouldn't I do that? Why wouldn't anyone do that?

The whole article is just a selfish, spoiled columnist justifying her selfish, spoiled food choices. And it bothers me. Can you tell?

You eat meat because you can, because you like the taste of it, because it's easy. Just say so. Don't write a whole fucking column of crap to make yourself feel better about it. You answer to no one but yourself ... oh yeah ... and me ... because of this interwebs thingy. Cool, ain't it?

Negus Fail on Animal Cruelty

2011-10-05T16:21:00.003+11:00

During Monday night's channel 10 news, George Negus told us what stories were coming up on his 6.30 program. He said he had a horrifying story of animal cruelty - perhaps worse than the recent Four Corners investigation into live cattle exports. You know the one? That amazing and detailed piece of long-form journalism from Sarah Ferguson that resulted in a massive outcry from the public and temporary live export ban.

I don't usually watch 6.30 with George Negus, but I stayed tuned to see the promised story as it's a topic close to my heart. In the intro to the program George mentioned the animal cruelty story and called it a 'special investigation'. He then mentioned at least two other stories that would be on the program that evening.

The half hour program.

At least two other stories.

So, this 'expose', 'special investigation', 'bigger than Four Corners' story was so very important that it was sharing a half hour with commercial breaks, Bear Grylls, and David Beckham.

The story was actually around four and a half minutes. Viewers were warned at the beginning that what they were about to see was very disturbing and may upset some people.

Over the next few minutes was an 'investigation' into dog pelts from China being used in fur clothes exported to Australia. Verna Simpson from the Humane Society featured heavily. In fact, she was really the only person in the story besides the reporter, Natasha Exelbey. There was a very short section of video footage of dogs in dirty, cramped conditions, one being held by a man with a knife. What the man did with that knife we do not know because the screen went black and remained so for a moment while the dog yelped in pain. It wasn't actually clear that the dog was being skinned alive - something a simple voice over could have explained. Skinning animals alive is not uncommon - though strongly denied by fur farmers. The rest of the story was Simpson and Exelbey examining items of clothing and declaring that shock! horror! gasp! - some of the fur products right here in Australia are DOG fur, when they are clearly labelled otherwise.

I have several issues with this story. First of all, if the producers really thought the story was so important they would have given it more than a few minutes. If they really wanted it to have an effect on viewers, they would have actually shown some of the confronting footage.

Secondly, the footage used was from as far back as 2009, the investigations referred to as old as 2003. Third, even comparing a pissy little few minutes of badly cut footage to the amazing research journalism of Sarah Ferguson and the bravery of animal activist Lyn White is insulting, to say the least.

And here's the thing that really annoyed me; It's only shocking because they are dogs. No mention of the fact that millions of foxes, raccoons, rabbits, wolves and other beautiful animals are tortured every day to produce products that are readily available in Australia. Oh hang on, there was mention of foxes and rabbits - when the women were discussing what the dog fur was mixed with in the 'dodgy' clothes; "rabbit or fox - which is perfectly legal". Because it's okay to torture and kill those animals. We don't usually have them as pets. We can't relate. They're foreign like those nasty foreigners killing the pretty doggies.

There's a scene in the documentary film Earthlings that stuck with me for days after watching it. It was the image of two beautiful little raccoons in a very small cage, huddled, shivering, wide-eyed, frightened. Holding onto each other, they stared, almost mesmerised, at their third companion lying dead in the cage next to them - whom they had been forced to cannibalise.

Animals in fur farms are starved you see - because loose skin is easier to remove. Delightful isn't it?

Tuesday's story on 6.30 with George Negus might as well have been on Today Tonight it was so lacking in any journalistic credibility. It boiled down to "Look at this! Look at this! Your shoes are made from DOG! Not some lesser animal that we don't give a shit about!" It reeked of desperation to ride on the coat-tails of the amazing response from the public in the wake of the Four Corners story.

And the thing is, the horrors of the fur trade are enough. Show any fur farm. I mean, if you're going to use two year old footage, why not show Australia that terrified little raccoon? Why not show Australia where their expensive jackets and shawls come from? Why not give some statistics on just how many animals are killed so that some bourgeois woman's skinny shoulders can be draped in an expensive corpse as she waltzes down Chapel Street like the ignorant moron she is?

I never watch 6.30 with George Negus, and I won't do it again.

EDIT 06.10.11

Well that was a blatant lie because I watched the 'follow up' story last night. I just can't help myself can I?

It was the same crap - a few minutes of 'expert' opinion on whether or not the fur was dog. Negus said in the intro that they had received a 'huge' response from viewers after Monday's story. Might have dedicated some more time to it and reported the broader issues then.

Double fail.

There's an online petition over here. By the look of the comments and tweets on the topic - people overseas seem to think the dogs are being tortured in Australia, by an Australian company, under the approval of the Australian government.

Triple fail.

Don't get me wrong - it's great that the issue is gaining a wider audience. It would be even better if a reputable reporter/program did a story on the fur trade in general and wasn't afraid to show it for what it is.

X to the power of WHY?

2011-08-30T15:03:00.000+10:00

I watched some of channel 7's X Factor last night. Wow. Settle in for this one folks.

On a scale of 'mistakes I have made' where telling a dear friend the man she was dating was a complete wanker resulting in me not being invited to their wedding two years later is extremely bad, and just now not being able to find a spoon and thinking it was a good idea to just tip the sugar from the bag into my tea is not that bad at all, I would gauge deciding to watch even a few moments of X Factor somewhere around the time I tore a hole in the palm of my hand with a stick at the age of eight and told the local priest I was stigmata just to see what would happen. I'll let you decide for yourself how big a mistake that was - but I should point out that I chose to make this revelation when receiving holy communion and that there may or may not have been fainting and/or collective kissing of rosary beads as a direct result.

What was I talking about? Right, X Factor. You know the drill, people who want to be famous audition in front of a pre-pubescent crowd recently plied with free energy drinks and a panel of 'where are they now' judges to get through a series of rounds where they are told yay or nay and sent home in a flurry of curse words and tears vowing to return next time, and that you'll one day see their name in lights whether the judges could see their 'talent' or not. This year, I was rather chuffed to note the inclusion of former Spice Girl 'Mel B' as a judge. I loved the Spice Girls - of course I did. And Angry Spice, as I liked to call her, (to which my friend James would point out "she's not one of the bloody Seven Dwarves!") was my favourite. I also think Natalie Bassingthwaite is simply lovely. I've had a thing for her since she played Izzy on Neighbours and not only shagged Karl Kennedy but had his illegitimate child - and took it to London! After an affair with Paul Robinson of course ... shhhh Marian ... you know too much. But even the potential for a Mel B performance of the Spice Girls classic 'Two Become One' (because she's pregnant, see what I did there?) could make me watch another minute.

There were young men being made to take their shirts off. Yes. Call the Melinda Tankard Reist bat-phone because that shit was just wrong. Oh hang on, it was at the behest of a hormonal pregnant woman though, so I guess it's okay. Oh wait, except that it wasn't just the one man who had bragged about his hardened six-pack, - it was him and every buff young thing that came after him. And after they got one of the lads to remove his shirt for a better look at his bronzed abs, they let him sing and preceded to tell him that he was absolutely awful, had no talent whatsoever and was lucky he was good-looking. I thought it was nasty. And I am a raging feminist. Indeed, that feminist voice inside me was trying to rebut my horrified reaction with tidbits like "well women are objectified and belittled like this ALL the time!" and "it's rather refreshing to see men as the butt of sexualised jokes isn't it?!" But no. It isn't really. Because no one deserves to be ridiculed and treated like shit - let alone in front of a crowd or on national tv. Even if they've been silly enough to sign a release form allowing whatever they do to be used in whatever manner channel 7 thinks is appropriate because they are so damned hungry for that 15 minutes of fame that has been promised to them by every reality tv show since Sylvania Waters.

It irked me. I changed the channel. I flicked back at one point to see 18-year-old twin girls in too-short-for-tv school uniforms with not a whole lot of talent being let through to the next round because they had 'something'. They also had a camera behind them which very nearly showed the audience at home what they ate for breakfast - a camera angle that not-surprisingly wasn't really used on any of the other performers.

I know, I am constantly saying that I shouldn't be surprised at this kind of crap - and as far as you can tell, I seem to be constantly surprised, right? Well no, not really. I am constantly disappointed though.

I was wondering, throughout the bits that I watched, where the classic sob-story was for this season. You know, the whole "I'm singing for my dead dad" or "I have a painful disease and singing makes me feel better" schtick. Well, this is where the bat-shit-crazy and how-is-this-on-tv-let-alone-rating-well 'X Factor' kicked in.

A young man named Emmanuel was the final performer on last night's program. Emmanuel is severely disabled. The tv audience were told that he and his brother were saved by their adoptive mother as babies in Iraq. It was a heart-wrenching story. The producers added a touch of haunting Middle-Eastern music just to make it completely clear that this, people, was the real deal. After a lengthy introduction, Emmanuel was finally given the chance to sing his chosen song; Lennon's 'Imagine'. This is where it all got confusing. I mean, the intro and the story of the boys and their heroic mother was the stuff of current affairs programs, not talent contests. My eyes welled with tears at their mother's courage, and at Emmanuel's brother, side-of-stage, beaming with pride and cheering his best friend on. Then I realised I was watching A SINGING CONTEST.

What the hell were the producers thinking? I mean, sure, as far as your reality tv had-a-shit-life-gonna-sing-my-heart-out stories go this one pretty much takes the cake, but I felt angry. Angry that Emmanuel's story was being used as a gimmick, as I'm sure it will continue to be as he progresses through the competition. Angry that the serious political and human rights issues that Emmanuel's story represents (unfortunately whether he likes it or not) were glossed over for the soft-focus close-up of a tear in Ronan Keating's eye. And finally, angry for the other contestants because clearly, as usual, it's not actual singing talent that has any bearing on the outcome of these stupid shows - it's the gimmick. Because even though Emmanuel sang his heart out, it's quite clear his singing talent isn't extraordinary - as much as the judges gushed otherwise.

Am I being cynical? My thoughts are that Emmanuel, like all the other singers who weren't quite good enough, should have been told, politely, where they could improve and sent on their way. His audition didn't have to be aired and turned into the drama that it was. I would expect anyone with a disability would resent being treated differently or given special favour. And the worst part is that it's all to boost ratings - when the novelty of his story wears off he will no doubt be cast aside like so many reality tv contestants whose names I can't remember. Maybe I'm being cynical. Maybe his singing will improve, the gimmick won't wear off and he will win the competition and record an album (that he gets stuff-all royalties from). Hey, maybe he knows exactly what the producers are doing and is happy to put up with it for the chance of a 'big break'. I hope only good things happen for him, and I hope channel 7 don't chew him up and spit him out like we know they will.

So, I guess you can tell from that rather lengthy rant, that I wasn't AT ALL impressed with the first episode of X Factor Australia. Maybe I'll check back in near the finals just to see how my beloved Nasty Spice is doing, and to bathe in the warm glow of Nat Bassingthwaite's smile.

I'm not surprised. I'm disappointed.

Here's a link to the video. Nineteen and a half thousand views and counting.

Putting me off my dinner

2011-08-16T21:45:00.000+10:00

Look, I'm sure I come across as a real intellectual-type, high-brow, educated, woman. But I have to confess. I've been watching trash tv. I'm confessing because, I didn't just watch it ... I taped it. Granted, I started recording when I realised that I would need to show my friends later just exactly what I was ranting and raving about, but still, to record such rot and have it sitting on my hard drive next to the likes of Seven Samurai and Grand Designs is just dirty. Will these hands ne'er be clean I ask thee? (See how educated I am? I played Lady Macbeth in year 10 drama!) Alright, enough of the fluff, let's get down to it.

The program in question is Dinner Date, aired Tuesdays on channel 7. Of course I initially tuned in because Manu Feildel is the host and he is adorable (besides that sexist remark during Dancing with the Stars that his PR people quickly brushed aside as 'lost in translation' *wink*).

Well, Manu doesn't disappoint. His cutesy narration and naughty smirks to camera do have me giggling along, rosy-cheeked like a school-girl. The actual show on the other hand, is about as enjoyable as a hot poker stuck in your eye - but with absolutely NO hotness.

The premise of the show is that one single contestant chooses to have dinner with three suitors. The contestant, after the three dates, then chooses their favourite to take on an overnight date somewhere 'fancy'. That's all. That's the prize. An overnight stay at a nice hotel is worth losing your dignity for, it seems. If the pollies need any more evidence that these tough economic times are effecting real people out there, I can't think of any better.

Episode one featured a very attractive young woman and three male suitors. She had a 1-year-old baby and had been dumped by the father just 3 weeks after the birth. One could assume, most likely, that she has a pretty good history of dating arseholes. So when, after her three dates, she chose the 'Italian Stallion' who was a complete Neanderthal, misogynist wanker, I was a little perturbed. Not shocked of course, because going on a reality tv show to date three complete strangers whilst being filmed is clearly not the actions of a logical thinker, but perturbed because shouting at the television "Don't you DARE pick him you idiot!" had absolutely no effect.

When discussing it later with my friend, she pointed out that the woman was probably just 'after a shag' so chose the man with the bangin' bod who seemed like he had the most experience of one night stands (trust me, no one would go back for date number two after they discovered the names of his future children).

- But that can't be right, because the contestant was hot. She could go to any club and pick up. SO, after episode one, it became clear that yet another reality tv show was going to rationalise my general disappointment in humankind. The stupid woman chose the buff cad, who will cheat on her, spend her money, and generally disrespect her until he dumps her for a blonde with a lower IQ who doesn't have a baby or a mind of her own.

So when it came to episode two, my head was on straight. Gone were my fanciful notions that humans generally have their own and other's best interests at heart and that, if given the chance, humans will generally surprise each other with their actions.

With those notions buried deep in the pit of despair (where they lived the entire time Big Brother was on television), I was able to successfully predict before the third ad break that the horrible little man 'looking for love' would choose the skinny blonde with the cleavage who couldn't even cook *GASP!!* over the nice country girl with whom he got along wonderfully and who had exceptional culinary skills (good little lady that she was, of course).

Mind you, I was happy the contestant chose the blonde, because the country girl was too nice for him. I would have preferred though, if he'd chosen contestant number one: the bad dancer who made him sit on the floor and didn't really like him at all. Because I'm sure they would have had a terrible time on their follow-up date, and I would have enjoyed knowing that - because that's the kind of person I am.*

So that's Dinner Date. An exercise in finding morons and showing them to be the morons they are, with soft lighting, diary-room style bits-to-camera and a charming host holding back his laughter (or is it tears?) at just how low he will go to keep his mug on tv in the off-season of My Kitchen Rules.

And here I am, waiting for episode three to start, because I want to be horrified. I've been sucked in ... and don't even get me started on Four Weddings.

* I'm really not that kind of person at ALL!! You see what reality tv is doing to me?!?

Why the world is fucked: example #3457

2011-07-29T11:26:00.001+10:00

A friend sent me a link to this story on news.com.au today (- I've done research into the sexualisation of youth in the Australian media - they didn't just think I'd like to look at made-up girls in sparkly dresses.)

I opened the link, read the article, and yep, pageants are indeed fucked up, but the thing that really bothered me, that really made me stop and wonder at the state of the world, were these two images in the sidebar next to the pageant story;

Kids in detention and a child on the brink of death. Next to the pretty little darlings of the American beauty pageant circuit.

I'm not dissing the reporting of the pageant business, it's all news, and the asylum seeker and drought stories are being reported too - even if they are tucked away with yesterday's stories (I can't expect much more from news.com.au) - I'm simply saying that seeing these images together made me feel sick. That these events are occurring simultaneously in this wide world of ours put a lump in my throat that is difficult to clear.

That's all.

http://www.unicef.org.au/Donate.aspx
http://www.asrc.org.au/

In retrospect ...

2011-07-22T09:59:00.000+10:00

Right, well, sorry I haven't posted in a while. Actually I've been writing entire posts lately and not actually putting them up. The reasons vary between 'not good enough' and 'someone else said it better anyway' and 'why am I talking about this?' - among other things.

Anyway, last night I attended a Wheeler Centre event that has forced me to break the drought.

Hosted by Crikey's Sophie Black, 'Unaccustomed as I am...' was an hour of wonderful guests reciting famous speeches from history. Julian Burnside, QC, reached lofty heights with the Gettysburg Address, whilst Sam Pang caused raucous laughter with his touching rendition of 'that bit from Notting Hill' - you know the one I mean. Dave Graney has a stage presence that commands attention, but it was Noni Hazlehurst that left a marked impression on the full house.

Noni chose to recite Paul Keating's 1992 Redfern Address. The famous words of Don Watson hold very different meaning two decades later. What was, on its first reading, a speech filled with hope and good intention, is now a reminder of lost opportunities and disappointment. You could have heard a pin drop as Noni read, but it wasn't until the end of the speech, where she said, simply, "isn't that sad?" that the crowd collectively sighed and shook their heads - snapped back into the harsh reality that is the current conditions of Australia's indigenous population.

I actually hadn't realised just how long ago Keating had made that speech. I was thirteen years old and had started high school. So why had I not heard it until I sought it out for myself on the eve of Rudd's 2008 Apology to the Stolen Generation? Why did my Catholic private school not think that message was an important one to share with developing young minds?

That was the point that stuck in my mind last night - and this morning. I thank the Wheeler Centre for holding events such as this, and I thank Noni for choosing that speech. I hope it had the same effect on the other patrons last night and that today Don Watson's words are being shared amongst friends and discussed.

To my Beloved ... both of you.

2011-02-14T22:01:00.000+11:00

I've been a bit negative in my last few posts. Justifiably of course, but I feel I should balance it out with some love.

D'ya know what I love? ABC and SBS. Just when I lose faith in Australian media and media makers, I am reminded just how talented a bunch we are by switching over to our much-maligned National Broadcaster and it's not-entirely-publicly-funded friend. The new digital channels have had me wondering about the state of the nation (not to mention summer programming) and I've been switching off and - you won't believe it - reading books on the balcony to get away from my television. I know, it's disgusting. I am now only 4 or 5 shades lighter than my siblings who are not creatures of the night and who do not recoil at the slightest hint of sunshine and/or daylight.

First of all, bravo to SBS for the wonderful documentary series Immigration Nation. It was beautifully presented, informative and covered the subject matter well. The production values were stunning - considering the limited footage & photographs of early Australian migration - the program was entertaining and not at all slow and the academics weren't just talking heads, they were warm and allowed character. I loved it and sat squinting in the darkness of my living room, trying to spy my mother on one of the arriving boats.

image from sbs.com.au

Interestingly, when I told my mother she should be watching, her response was "What for?"

Rather than responding with "Umm, because you're in it?" - which I'm sure seems most logical, I instead told her that it might illuminate for her the plight of the asylum seekers and refugees - a topic we had been arguing about the week before. You see, my mum seems to think that fleeing a country devastated by war and arriving on Australian shores in the hope of a better future was alright 'in those days'. But now that she has been made a citizen and staked claim on this whole nation of 'ours' she feels the imaginary gates should be closed.

Yes, I will be buying her the DVD for her birthday.

While I'm thanking SBS I will reiterate my love for my favourite show, Rockwiz. Over summer we've been spoiled with Rockwiz Rewind - classic episodes introduced by the team. Brian Nankervis is one of my favourite people in the world. Not just the world of television - the world in general. He is such a warm, friendly, amicable fellow. He needs to be made an official National Treasure or some such thing. And Julia, oh Julia. If there is a sexier bundle of intelligence, spark and wit than Ms Julia Zemiro I've not seen it. All hail Rockwiz, may it - like rock'n'roll - never die.

Now to dear Aunty.

ABC News 24's coverage of the floods, fires and cyclone far surpassed any of the commercial station's attempts at quality reporting. Granted, channels Nine and Seven sometimes had better footage - but when you're willing to put your staff in dangerous situations even though the authorities have expressly advised against it - you're bound to get a better shot of rapidly-moving-brown-water than the broadcaster who respects its staff (and viewers) enough to keep them safe and informed and not pander to those wanting to see disaster-porn.

~~ deep breath ~~

A very good job in very trying circumstances. Kudos to ABC News 24.

I got to watch the film Bran Nue Dae for the first time a few weeks ago. It was on ABC2 the same night that Ten aired its final Oprah special (followed by Baz Luhrmann's Australia- good grief).

I thank ABC2 for airing it that particular night. When my will to live had almost been sucked entirely dry and the strong urge to shove giant, West Australian pearls up the collective arses of the baying crowd at the Opera House was almost too much to bear - I was soothed by the catchy tunes and wise-cracking joy of Rachel Perkins' lovely little ditty. What a sweet, unassuming bundle of joy.

Speaking of bundles of joy, Tony Jones returned with Q&A last Monday. Oh Tony, we missed you. - And you can take that as a comment. Monday nights haven't felt right without Australian Story, Four Corners, Jonathan Holmes on Media Watch and Q&A. It makes little difference to me what the stories are about or who the panelists are. They are all great programs. Entertaining and well executed. Hoorah for Monday nights.

Following from Monday, it seems once again that I have to cram my early-week playdates into Tuesday, because one night of freedom and I am locked in to ABC1 again. Hello Wednesday night.

Wednesday night has always been a crowd-pleaser on ABC. Some of Australia's best television has graced the schedule in recent years; Both Chris Lilley's We Can be Heroes and Summer Heights High, three series of the wonderful The Librarians, Lowdown, The Gruen Transfer, regular crowd-pleaser Spicks & Specks, and The Chaser's various incarnations.

Last week I was a bit worried about the fate of Wednesday nights. Who knew what we were in for with Adam Hills in Gordon St Tonight? Let alone the very high expectations that had been growing on social media sites for Marieke Hardy's brainchild Laid. I had decided to expect very little (particularly after the horror that was Ben Elton Live from Planet Earth) and was pleasantly surprised.

Adam Hills is a likeable fellow. He likes himself quite a bit too, a characteristic which in some people makes you want to beat them about the head with a blunt object, but with Hills, is quite forgiveable (for now, anyway). Episode one was slightly self-indulgent but as with most 'episode ones' the aim is to introduce characters and make everyone comfortable. I think Hills introduced himself and his new set very well (even though many viewers know him already from Spicks & Specks and his stand-up). The guests were great, Hannah Gadsby was great, the crowd was great, the jokes and segments were great and Hills made everything seem easy - which is so very hard to do. I liked. I hope I keep liking.

And finally Laid. I would have preferred to be tied to a pew at a Hillsong gathering where Kate Alexa Gudinski was performing Cher's If I Could Turn Back Time* than in Marieke Hardy's shoes last Wednesday night. The amount of pressure that was on her and her team to 'come up with the goods' had reached boiling point by 9:25pm. Not only had the ABC been promoting the show to within an inch of its life but social media had created a frenzy around it too. I was imagining Hardy with a cold compress on her forehead, (turns out she had undies on her forehead - jolly good show!) a port in her hand and fingernails chewed to little stubs of raw flesh.

Well, she needn't have worried - or rather, I needn't have worried for her. Laid set itself up very well. Again, it had the 'episode one' task of getting everything in place; introducing characters, plot devices and core relationships - and still managed to include some real laugh-out-loud moments - no easy task with all that other business going on. Episode ones can often disappoint for this very reason. But Laid didn't. Hoorah! And I'm very much looking forward to the rest of the series. Hoorah! And Abe Foresythe is a babe. Hoorah!

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

And so my love-fest comes to an end. Thank you ABC and SBS. I always had faith in you, but thank you for restoring my faith in us, and them.

Much love, M.

* Organised Religion irks me. Fake cheer irks me. Hillsong very much irks me. Kate Alexa is not a very good singer. Cher's If I Could Turn Back Time is bad. Any performance of it would be bad. I think it's safe to assume that these factors combined would make for a very unpleasant evening.

I wish it wasn't ... Live from Planet Earth

2011-02-09T13:48:00.000+11:00

These days when I wonder if it's just me that's feeling a certain way I type a few words into the Twitter search box and see if anyone else is running it up the flagpole. Last night I did that with the words "Ben Elton". If you've had a look at the #benelton stream, I found that I wasn't at all alone in my disappointment.

Ben Elton: Live from Planet Earth debuted last night on channel 9 (to me and a handful of others so the ratings suggest). I'd been quietly hopeful that Elton, who had written British classics Blackadder and The Young Ones, would create an entertaining, quirky, mixed-bag of skits and stand-up that pushed the envelope in a new, fresh way.

Yes, I know, I'm usually so cynical, I really shouldn't have had any hopes. For starters, it was on channel 9 - not exactly the home of quality Australian content nowadays - but Elton really used to be funny. His books are funny. And he's British - they're generally funny, right? And then there was all that young talent in the ensemble cast. Surely giving young Australian comedic talent a go is worthwhile isn't it?

Well, maybe not. Yes, there is certainly some talent there, but unfortunately Elton wrote the whole thing, so a lot of the 'talent' of the younger cast is being wasted.

Case in point; Veronica Milsom. You would know her from the ABC's Hungry Beast. She's funny, and talented, and gorgeous (which is handy), yet she failed to shine last night on Planet Earth. One particularly horrific skit was a share-house parody where Lady Ga Ga, Beyonce, Lily Allen and Amy Winehouse are shacked up together. Milsom does a great Lady Ga Ga - we already knew this, because she did it on Hungry Beast;

So I guess it was Ben Elton's script that made it so un-funny when Ga Ga and the girls chatted about panties and likened a shit left in the toilet to Mike Tyson's arm. It was just horrific. Even the most talented actors couldn't have saved that script.

All the skits were bad. Why go live if the material is going to be tired and old? A whole lot of the characters were throw-backs from old ones, or just plain rip-offs.

Kylie Mole anyone?

Even Prue and Trude from Kath & Kim made an appearance in the guise of a male/female combo. The thing is that if these homages to past comedic genius had been written well and had a fresh, new angle, it would have been absolutely fine. But it seemed that nothing was new. Take away the overkill on the word 'totally' and take away the innuendo by blatantly referring to female genitalia as 'fanwah' and you have Kylie Mole. Not an homage, a rip-off.

Where's the imagination in calling a skit about girls share-housing "Girl Flat", or the character of a fat chef "Fat Chef". Live from Planet Earth? Elton seems to be living in Bizarro World where fart jokes and thrush are hilarious and new comedy topics.

I sound harsh, don't I? And I really wish I didn't because a few of the actors in the ensemble are truly wonderful. Unfortunately, Elton's self-indulgence is stifling anything entertaining they might be able to share. Yep, some of his stand-up was funny and yep, Arj Barker was funny, and yep, Barbara from Bankworld as Elaine Front looks hopeful, but episode one was generally crap.

I suppose I have to accept that Elton's not going to do anything groundbreaking these days. He did his groundbreaking 3 decades ago and we are grateful for it. It's someone else's turn now; in the UK with shows like The Mighty Boosh and Garth Marenghi's Dark Place, and right here from Chris Lilley and The Chaser boys.

Still, I don't think Nine should cut it, I'd rather watch Aussies try than another re-run of Two and a Half Men (or some other crap American show for that matter). Maybe Elton will loosen his grip and make it more collaborative - give the actual young people a chance to comment on their world, rather than sticking to cliched, outdated gags.

Finger's crossed the show comes good, or at least has a chance to. There are glimmers of hope there, but channel 9 aren't known for giving programs a chance to grow (and/or redeem themselves). I'm lowering my expectations from 'groundbreaking' to 'entertaining'. Let's see how that works out.

AN OPEN LETTER TO CHANNEL 7 PROGRAMMERS

2010-12-09T19:05:00.001+11:00

Dear Sirs, and I'm going to assume you are 'Sir's because if I even suspected for a moment that there was a woman amongst you I might have to tear out my own reproductive organs with a coathanger so as to not be kindred to you in any way.

On Tuesday night, whilst the Wikileaks saga was unfolding, I checked the program guide for something mindless to watch while I pored over Twitter (I like to multi-task. I was also doing the dishes and making a mixtape - that's just how I roll). I noticed a program on your main station at 9:30pm called Most Shocking; Top 20 Women Out of Control. Hmm, I thought to myself, is this another "Britney forgot to wear knickers" countdown? No. The description advised me that it was ordinary women, going crazy. Intriguing? Not really.

First of all, clearly the producers of the program tried to inject a little class into the show by using 'women' in the title instead of 'girls'. Most women don't like being called 'girls' - particularly by men who are using it in an effort to put themselves in a position of power over said woman. Perhaps this is what made you assume that the program was even remotely appropriate to be aired on your station. Perhaps you couldn't ascertain from the description of the program that it would be grossly offensive to not just women, but humankind in general.

Let's get one thing straight; I'm not a prude. I'm not a wowser. My intention is not to incite moral panic and I barely have a second thought as to "who will think of the children?". I understand the concept, so often reiterated in website news commentary, that if I don't like a certain program I have the ability to change the channel or turn off the tv. Yes, I have the digital dexterity to use a remote control. Hoorah for me.

The fact that this program exists bothers me. The fact that you thought it was perfectly reasonable entertainment bothers me. Let's break it down; the program consisted of American women in varying degrees of distress and/or psychological breakdown. They were either being seriously injured in accidents where it was not shown whether or not they survived without major injury, or they were being physically or verbally abused by men.

One of the Top 20 'out of control' was a clearly intoxicated and distressed woman being arrested by male police officers. Her breasts were (I'm sorry to have to use the term) 'hanging' over her shirt which had been pulled down in the arrest. She had no way of covering herself due to the fact that her hands were cuffed behind her back. The police officers and the narrator were having a good laugh at her expense. Neither of the officers tried to assist her. This was absolutely revolting. I would liken it to a pack-rape scene - you might say that is a long bow to draw - but here we were presented with a woman who was physically restrained while being sexualised against her will - all while being filmed - against her will. Yes, she was being arrested lawfully and yes, no doubt her shirt was skewiff due to her own attempts at violence toward the police officers - but does that justify (a) having a laugh at her expense (b) disallowing any shred of dignity she might have had in the situation and (c) catching it all on film so every other arse can have a good laugh about it too?

Another of these wondrous 'Top 20' moments was a women being a nuisance on a train. She was loud and offensive and was generally upsetting the passengers. She was also clearly either drug-effected or suffering from a mental illness. The incident culminated in a male passenger on the train physically assaulting the woman. Well, the narrator thought this was fantastic. Good on YOU angry-man-who-has-been-inconvenienced. You bash that noisy woman GOOD. Ha ha HA!

In fact all of the narrator's comments were derogatory to the women - and ALL women. And all of the images were offensive, and presented in the most misogynist fashion that I will have to assume that you, channel 7 programmers, agree that women should be abused, berated, belittled, and made sex objects against their will. Your mother would be so proud.

Clearly with the new digital stations you are having to scrape the bottom of the barrel with program choices so you're happy to air this cheap crap from the US. I hope that the audience won't put up with it. I know that I should have no high expectations of quality programming from a commercial station, but there are basic, VERY basic expectations of common decency that even the most morally inept person would at least recognise, if not support. It is your job to make this very simple distinction. You have failed miserably.

I raise my middle finger to you Sirs. And I raise my middle finger to mediocrity.

Regards, Marian B.

'Tis the Season

2010-11-15T21:34:00.000+11:00

It's coming up to that time of year where I have to buy presents for people.

I know, I know, it's hypocritical of me, being athiest, to celebrate Christmas. But I really don't.

I celebrate X-mas.

The 'X' stands for excess and I base my celebration on the three 'C's; consumerism, commodification and commercialism. I celebrate these ideologies once a year by attending packed shopping centres at the last minute and buying overpriced, irrelevant items for people who would prefer a gift-voucher. I ritualistically swipe my credit card. I solemnly, in an act of selflessness akin to Jesus himself, attach the receipt to the gift in the event that the giftee wishes to return it. There's no room for humility at X-mas time. I give and give and give, until the ribbon can curl no more and my fingertips are bleeding from $2 shop tape-dispenser mishaps.

Basically the method in previous years has been to buy mass-produced gifts that are about the right size, cost and age-appropriateness - which, in fairness, is perfectly in keeping with the three Cs.

But this year I've decided to do things differently.

Firstly, I realised that I know lots of exceptionally talented people. These people write books. Books are good gifts for two reasons, (1) if you buy them early enough you can read them yourself before you pass them on, and (2) they are easy to wrap and post.

So here is my X-mas shopping list. As I love and/or know all of these authors (I love all of them and know some of them) it's especially heartwarming because I am giving them the gift of potentially making the Readings Top 10 list. Wahoo!

Also, the list is all Australian. Go me!

So here you are, the 2010 Screamedia X-mas gift list;

Andrew Marlton
First Dog on The Moon's The Story of The Christmas Story

Firstly, for the kiddles, there is that loveable pup, Crikey's own First Dog on the Moon. If only there was a Dance Bandicoot plushie to go with it *sigh*. What a precious little book this is. There are quirky little bits only grown-ups will notice and enough crazy fun for the littlies.

Paul Kelly
How to Make Gravy

This one is my gift to myself - I might get it for someone else too, but I will have to get another copy because I am enjoying cradling this one in my arms like a warm blanket. I wish I wish I wish that Kelly would record a full audiobook for this. This video from ABC's Big Ideas is such a tease.

Benjamin Law
The Family Law

I love this book. That is all. You can read me gushing about it here. I know exactly for whom I will be purchasing it; someone that is maybe homesick and maybe needs a good laugh and is definitely missed terribly.

Tony Wilson
Making News

I produce the Triple R Breakfasters podcast. Wilson is a former Breakfaster. I am related to sports-loving freaks. Wilson makes sports entertaining. It's all coming together. Not only will I be gifting this but I am currently reading it myself, contrary to being violently opposed to anything even mildly sports-related. Also, I have been promised a sex scene. That is all.

E. Chas McSween, Enron Hubbard, Flash Johnson, Hunter McKenzie-Smythe,

Intravenus DeMilo, Michael Jayfox
Things Bogans Like

I'm pretty sure gifting this little ditty will get me excommunicated from some friend groups. But I don't like the idea of giving it to my Fitzroyalty friends so they can have a collective snigger at our Ed Hardy-wearing, Bacardi Breezer-sipping, Zumba-loving associates. That's just nasty. I'd rather give the book to the supposed Bogans so they can have a giggle at themselves. Hopefully by next year there will be a Things Elitist Intelligentsia from the Inner North-East Like book to sort out the rest of my gift-purchasing.

Shaun Micallef
Preincarnate

Genius. Micallef's 2004 book Smithereens takes pride of place on my bookshelf - as will our wedding photo when he finally retracts the AVO he has filed against me. That's a joke of course - the photo would go on the wall, not the bookshelf. In all seriousness, Micallef is a fantastic writer, humourist, entertainer, specimen of a man and all-round-talent-powder-keg. Can't wait to get my grubby little hands on this one. One for me, one for you.

Barrie Cassidy
The Party Thieves: The Real Story of the 2010 Election

For the politics nerds. There's nothing like starting a new year reading about the last one.

Pip Lincolne
Sew La Tea Do

I want this one too. A crafty little ditty like this totally goes against the X-mas spirit of mass-production and consumerism but hey, in the religion of ME anything goes. And it's pretty. So there.

Curvy 7 & Semi-Permanent 2010 (books 1 and 2)

Eeeeek. I wait with bated breath every year for these precious prints to be released. Illustration. Design. Love.

Oslo Davis
Overheard

A nice little stocking filler. Not only are Oslo's illustrations gorgeously funny, I got to interview him a few months ago for a sound project I was working on and he is just as charming, witty and sharp as his artistry suggests.

So, there it is. All tied up with a neat little bow.

Who have I forgotten? There's so much wonderful book-ness out there. Have YOU written a book that I should add to my shopping list?

Add your own Australian book gifting ideas in the comments below.

Not so Packed to the Rafters

2010-11-02T23:53:00.000+11:00

Well whaddaya know, it was an in-law that died in the much anticipated 'bubble bursting' episode of Packed to the Rafters tonight. No big shock as there was talk of actor Zoe Ventoura (who plays Mel) wanting to head off overseas.

I haven't really watched Packed to the Rafters since season one, which I didn't mind at all. Since then though it's become a cringe-worthy mix of awkward scripts, over-acting and sweeter-than-honey schmultz. I started watching way-back-when because of Zoe Ventoura - I loved her on the SBS comedy/drama Kick! Why could they not have killed off Ben? (played by Hugh Sheridan) - he is the character I like least, and by like least I mean loathe.

Don't get me wrong, there are some wonderful things about Packed to the Rafters. Jessica Marais namely (who plays Rachel) and of course Rebecca Gibney is Australian tv royalty. But the show has become the later-on-at-night-only-once-a-week-and-on-a-different-channel Neighbours. What I mean is, shit happens but everything's okay. The strong focus on family and niceness and everyone being wonderful and white and wholesome gets a bit old. Yes, sometimes it's nice to watch sunshine, lollipops and blue skies but the characters and the story-lines are so predictable.

Maybe I'm a bit cynical. I did try to hang in there until all the 'Carbo the ethnic neighbour' story-lines that involved him *hilariously* being mistaken as *deep inhale* a gay. Oh what fun and frivolity was made of that mix-up! ROFLMAOLOLROFagain ... not.

Needless to say, I wasn't all that happy about having to sit through 45 minutes or so of lovey-dovey crap tonight before the big death scene. We get it - you're really in love - that will make it way worse when one of you dies *slaps forehead*.

There were two good things about the first 45 minutes though, (1) the dodgy cousin storyline. I can't help but like that guy, he reminds me of my own dodgy cousins. And (2) Nathan. The character of Nathan has developed a lot since season one, as has the actor Angus McLaren. He is really very good, and a bit cute, which is helpful.

Back to the 'death in the family'. The first shot of the episode was a close-up of Mel. Dead giveaway, if you'll pardon the pun. Even though I'd been expecting it for nearly an hour the actual collision was quite shocking. A car ploughed into hers at an intersection and the aerial shot holding on that moment felt like forever. Well done. There was a scene following that was also very good; when Nathan arrived at the hotel to tell Ben. The look on Nathan's face was pitch-perfect.

Then we got a walk-through of the family at the hospital, Dave Rafter leading Ben through to the morgue to see Mel. All quite powerful and tear-inducing (if you're not a cold-hearted cynic like myself of course). And finally we get the 'bubble' narrative back with good old grand-dad and baby Ruby.

And here is where I got annoyed. Firstly, because the bubble thing was stupid to begin with - bubbles? really? life is like bubbles? I suppose it was the rather crap explanation from Ted earlier in the episode re the bubble factor that killed it. And secondly, at the very end of the episode, the screen faded to white - and stayed white for a few moments.

A teensy bit of a rip-off of one of the most iconic moments in Australian television history - the death of Molly Jones on A Country Practice. Of course when Molly died the screen faded to black (because her eyes closed). Here's the last five or so minutes of that episode;

It's a heartbreaker. Even now, even though I've seen it 50 million times.

I have to say, comparably, even with all the build-up and the 'who-will-it-be?' speculation about tonight's Packed to the Rafters, Mel's death was pretty forgettable.

While I'm talking about death scenes and Australian tv, here's one that I thought was better than the one we saw tonight - and who would have guessed it, it's from Neighbours (maybe skip to the 8 minute mark);

I think I'll go back to not watching Packed to the Rafters, mainly because the rest of the season will be focused on Ben, who is rather annoying.

I'll stick to watching YouTube videos of those wacky Timmins' from Colac ... or, you know, doing something constructive with my life.

What did you think I would blog about?

2010-10-26T10:41:00.000+11:00

Hello stranger!

You may have noticed I've been on a slight hiatus over here while I focussed on a few other projects. Well those are now DONE *jumps with joy*. I missed you, really.

So here I find myself footloose and fancy-free and what just happens to occur on my beloved Q&A?

Shoegate! What joy! what fun! A shoe-throwing incident at our own, civilised ABC!

Right, enough of the exclamation marks. If you missed it, former PM John Winston Howard had the Q&A panel to himself last night on the eve of his memoirs, Lazarus Rising being released. Besides speaking about himself in the third person, avoiding a question from David Hicks with a bout of nationalism and again reiterating the difference between being 'sorry' and showing 'regret' - Howard dodged a pair of shoes;

I'm sure I'm not the only person who has wished for Howard to suffer a blow to the head at one time or another (or at all times, particularly between 1996 and 2007), but I would have preferred if Mr Shoe-thrower kept his smelly sneakers on his feet.

It was only moments before the shoe throwing incident that I was getting annoyed at Howard's response to a video question from Guantanamo Bay detainee David Hicks. He avoided answering the question by stating what a wonderful democracy we have here in Australia where such a question can be posed. I thought he seemed smug - intimating that this freedom we all enjoy had something to do with him. Perhaps he should have utilised that freedom to actually answer some of the questions posed to him, but alas, it was the same old spin from days gone by - no wisdom in retrospect here.

So what of the shoe-throwing? Whilst I do love a spectacle, it irked me. Firstly, the shoe incident is the only thing being talked about - not the reason behind it. The civilian deaths in the Iraq War are rarely reported, discussed or acknowledged in mainstream media. Let alone the high incidences of suicide and mental illness in the youth of Iraq since the 2003 invasion.

Shoe-man was justifiably angry, justifiably outraged, but by resorting to violence, his argument was reduced to a joke. Granted, he was seemingly already a joke; after his initial question a tweet was shown on-screen referring to him as a 'long haired freak' - which I thought was unnecessary. The #qanda Twitter stream was full of nasty comments about the man's appearance as what I would describe as Socialist Alternative Chic. So what would the reaction have been if the shoe-thrower had been a well-dressed, clean-cut, armani-wearing businessman? Or a kindly old lady with a blue-rinse and pashmina shawl?

Looking like an unwashed hippie is a surefire way to not be taken seriously. Even worse, when people like him do stupid things in the name of us 'leftists' he makes us all look bad. I shower, I have clean hair and I am disgusted by Australia's involvement in the Iraq War. I am disgusted by John Howard, his memoirs, his 'legacy' and his continued ignorance and washing of hands over casualties suffered in the name of imaginary WMDs.

Q&A is a fantastic program. There's nothing like it on Australian television. Yes, it is more entertaining when there is a bit of argy-bargy, but like Tony Jones, I was embarrassed by the shoe-throwing. I wanted today's reaction to the program to focus on Howard's cowardly responses to the questions of reconciliation, Weapons of Mass Destruction and David Hicks*.

Instead, we're all talking about the 'long haired freak' and his stinky shoes. We're even hearing Howard's own favourite word being tossed around; unAustralian.

~ ~ ~

Finally, allow me some self-indulgence. Of all my Q&A tweeting over the past year, I finally had a stroke of genius with this little ditty;

Oh what fun to have my five minutes of tweety-fame! Unfortunately, I was too slow for a potential on-screen showing *sigh*, but still, it was fun to be trending for a moment or so.

* yes, I understand the irony that I too, am writing about the shoes

I read a book! Huzzah!

2010-07-12T19:46:00.000+10:00

I finally got to read a book last week. An actual book that wasn't related to my academic ambitions. I had been hanging out to read an actual book for a few months. Even more frustrating, I had been hanging out to read a specific actual book - of which I'd been hearing no end of wonderful reviews.

So imagine my delight when I picked up the last copy of The Family Law from the Readings shop at the State Library. Literally the last copy - the man that sold it to me said they had been flying out the door - and I can see why.

I was lucky enough to meet the author, Benjamin Law, a few weeks ago. I've been reading his frankie writing for years (and more recently in Kill Your Darlings) so I did that awkward thing where you approach a person as if you are already friends - or is that just me? In any case, he was so charming and kind that it wasn't awkward at all (for me, *wink*). In fact, I developed a bro-crush on him, as in, I want to be related to him ... - and after reading his book I figure I probably could be.

Of course that's stupid, I couldn't actually be related to him, but humour me for a second; I too grew up in a migrant family, one of four kids (Benjamin is one of five). I too have an eccentric, superstitious mother and a father who is difficult to buy for and/or interact with. In fact, in every chapter of the book I was nodding knowingly, feeling an enormous sense of relief that someone out there, in the real world, had suffered similar insanities to me and had turned out okay - better than okay; successful, relatively well-adjusted and generally brilliant! Hoorah!

The Family Law is a delightful ride. There are tears; some of laughter, some of heartbreak. The book isn't in chronological order, so there is an excited anticipation at the start of each chapter; wondering where in the Benjamin Law time-line we are being taken. It is a collection of engaging stories that you could imagine someone telling at a dinner party - an intelligent, articulate person who has a knack for adding humour with every tinge of sadness - it could be to lighten the blow, or it could be to lull you into a false sense of security.

The picture that Law creates of his wonderful mother is so tangible it's as if she's sitting on the couch next to you, reading over your shoulder and asking you to pronounce certain words out loud. The whole book is full of "ah-ha!" moments (not so much the band, more the revelation) where Law just nails it in creating that one moment in time.

Since reading it, I have been telling all my friends to read it. Which is interesting, because I have a mixed-bag of friend-circles; the indie-cool kids, the ageing rock-pigs, the affluent Baby-Boomers, the disaffected gen-x'ers, the Bogans, the LOTEs*, the spoiled brats ... and I have somehow managed to find something in this book that each of them would appreciate.

Examples;

To my friend who has an Italian mother who speaks minimal English;

"You'll love this book, Law's mother likes using obscenities inappropriately too!"

To my gay friend who is single;

"You'll love this book, Law does the numbers on exactly how likely it is that you will find a boyfriend!"

To my siblings;

"You'll love this book, you know how mum likes to remind us that she'll be dead one day?"

- You get the idea. Mind you, I don't want to loan it to them just yet because I keep going back to my favourite bits for a re-read.

You know what? I could go on about it for ages - just do yourself a favour and go have a sit-down with The Family Law.

* Language other than English

The quandary of Q&A

2010-07-11T21:56:00.000+10:00

The ABC are usually the first to jump on new technology. ABC Online is full of award-winning feature sites and exciting innovations. ABC2 and Dig music were the first of their kind in the move to digital media. The ABC's iPhone and iPad apps, ABC iView and ABC Now make the national broadcaster's content accessible almost anywhere, at almost any time, on almost any platform.

Last year ABC Managing Director, Mark Scott, made a speech to the Commonwealth Broadcasting Association detailing his vision for ABC Online to become a digital “town square”. Scott described ABC Online as a place where audiences could speak and be heard, listen and learn.

In 2002 the ABC tag-line changed from “It’s Your ABC” to “Everybody’s ABC” - a precursor to the development of a community-based ABC, where the audience is no longer a single entity watching or listening but a part of a wider group with a real opportunity to be involved.

The ABC's social media services can now be found on one page, with links to Facebook, newsletters, iView, YouTube and Twitter, amongst others.

But it's Twitter that I want to talk about today. Ahh, my beloved Twitter. There are many ABC folk on Twitter - as you can see from lists such as this one by Daniel Taylor (@Dt_downunder).

The ABC's panel show Q&A is an interesting example of the national broadcaster being first to test the waters of new technology. For a while now the #qanda Twitter hashtag has come alive on Monday nights - with a vibrant community of smart, passionate, sometimes hilarious, sometimes ill-informed, sometimes idiotic but always engaged community of people commenting on the proceedings on-screen.

I'm one of them. I watch Q&A on the TV with my laptop at the ready and my phone on stand-by. I love the interactive aspect of the show - some of the comments on Twitter are more intelligent than what the panelists have to say and often the Chaser boys and members of the Crikey team can be found making hilarious observations that are hurriedly re-tweeted.

At the beginning of the program, host Tony Jones advises us that we can stream the show online, ask questions via SMS or through the website, follow on Twitter or through the random selection of tweets shown on-screen.

Why the tweets on-screen?

Presumably those interested in following the Twitter conversation are ... well ... following the Twitter conversation. For others I've spoken to, who aren't interested in Twitter (I know, they're crazy), the on-screen tweets are a distraction. And why select those tweets that do go on-air at random? Many of the tweets are irrelevant, inaccurate or pointless observations on what the panelists are wearing. Even worse, that unholiest of unholies, some of them have spelling or grammatical errors!*

Wouldn't it be better to show the most re-tweeted tweets? At least that would be giving the television audience an idea of what comments are popular in the twitter-verse. Or how about the top-tweeters; those people that comment most often with the hashtag (- could be just as pointless as random; just because someone speaks often, doesn't mean they have anything interesting to say).

Yes, some of the tweets on-screen have been brilliant and it is a thrill to see one's "tweety-friends" get their comments up, I just wonder if it's necessary, and if so, if it can be better managed.

The ABC is again striving to be the first to use new technologies to innovate its content, but has it jumped on the bandwagon unnecessarily? It's nice to have so much ABC content on Twitter, both for news and for commentary, but maybe having a presence on Twitter is enough - and having the tweets on-screen is overkill.

There's also the point to be made, which I have made before, that just because someone has an opinion, doesn't necessarily mean it needs to be broadcast in the "town-square". One tweeter felt it necessary to point out that "young ladies shouldn't chew gum" after an audience member asked a question - and his idiotic comment was put on-screen.

So what do you think? Love it or hate it?

* I may or may not be being a tad pedantic due to my underlying bitterness at not having my tweets put on-screen.

Back to Reality

2010-05-26T15:13:00.002+10:00

Channel 7 is currently holding auditions for its reality show Beauty and the Geek which picked up a pretty good following last year. I'm sure you'll be shocked to hear that I didn't like it.

Of course I will watch the first episode because I love being outraged and shocked - confession: sometimes I switch over to Melbourne Talk Radio just to feel my blood pressure rise - it's less effort than exercise and if I listen for long enough I might even throw up and lose a few kgs.

So, reality tv.

I've been keeping up with Masterchef this season. By 'keeping up' I mean switching over in the last 10 minutes to see the taste-testing and elimination. Someone told me a few weeks ago who ends up in the final three so it's no real joy now - mind you, blind Freddy could probably guess them after all the 'favouritism' talk from boned contestants.

Masterchef's managed to consistently be covered in the tabloid press thanks to a few nobody-even-cares-you're-just-putting-it-in-the-news-as-free-PR type scandals - including the 're-plate-gate' affair. Is it really shocking that they re-plate the food for the cameras? Studio lights + cream-based desserts = liquid ugly ... and you'll be surprised to hear I'm not even a rocket scientist!

Channel 7's Australia's Got Talent has been the expected mixed-bag of freaks and weirdos. I'm sure there has been the occasional talented moth to the flame but I haven't followed closely enough to know if they got through - looking at the judges, I sincerely doubt it. The bits that I have seen have been horrific. I had much more fun watching a repeat of Popstars this morning at 1:30am. Did people really dress like that in the 90s? I don't remember owning a top that was a handkerchief in the front held by pieces of string across the back ... then again maybe I did and have used selective memory to block it out.

Speaking of pieces of material being held together with string, Dancing with the Stars will be back on air soon. Oh what joy, oh what celebration (where's that sarcastic font when you need it). Have you seen the contestant list? One commenter on the channel 7 forum stated quite rightly that someone should sue the station for false advertising. There are maybe one or two people that might fit the description of 'star' but otherwise, the cast is populated with people that aren't even loosely related to stars.

Alex Fevola is an ex-WAG who's only claim to fame is being cheated on by an AFL player. Whoop! Hold the phone; she has published a coffee-table book! Phew, that justifies that then. Tamara Jaber is the wife (read "PR pet-project") of a man who is famous for being a wanker and/or being dumped from a reality show judging panel. Loooong bow people.

The most entertaining thing about the show is reading the creative license taken in the bios of the supposed stars. My favourite is Jo Beth Taylor;

Jo Beth Taylor – dancing with Dannial Gosper
Beginning her singing career at the tender age of five, Jo Beth Taylor began performing professionally at the age of 13. In the early 1990s she began a successful music and television career. At just 22 years of age, Jo Beth hosted three weekly tv shows making her the youngest person to ever host a prime-time show on Australian television.

Right. So what's she been doing in the last 15 years? Way to focus on when she actually had a career - in 1994.

So, we have the usual mix of channel 7 'personalities', miscellaneous sports stars, a musician or two and some vaguely familiar faces (if only from the covers of FHM next to the Kit Kats at the servo). There's no disabled person and no one particularly old or overweight so I'm not sure what the gimmick will be this year ... oh right ... the whole show. Australia, you so disappoint me.

So count me out again - I'm proud to say I've never watched a whole DWTS episode, let alone followed a series. I'd rather shower in acid with a sun-bed chaser. Speaking of which, be sure to look out for the 'natural' tans on the contestants of both DWTS and Beauty and the Geek.

Baby it's Cold Outside

2010-05-24T22:08:00.002+10:00

I love my laptop because it keeps my legs warm while I whinge on Twitter about how cold it is in my flat. I'm complicated like that.

Saturday night was one of Melbourne's coldest nights, with the mercury in the city sitting on 4 degrees in the wee morning hours. And while my spoiled arse was wrapped up in a doona dreaming of pancake stacks and ponies, around 23,000 Victorians were experiencing some form of homelessness. That's right, twenty-three THOUSAND, in Victoria.

SO WHAT'S THE BIG ISSUE?

Last year I had the pleasure of spending some time with several of Melbourne's The Big Issue vendors (as well as the brilliant editor, Alan Attwood and deputy editor, Melissa Cranenburgh). The vendors were strong, articulate, inspiring people. I try to buy the mag from a different seller every fortnight - mostly because I want to spread the love but also because having a chat with the seller always brightens my day.

A few weeks ago I had a wonderful conversation about George Clooney's endearing charm with an equally charming vendor on Exhibition Street. A few weeks before that I purchased my Big Issue from a severely disabled woman outside Myer. As I approached with purse in hand I got a reassuring smile. I took the tattered magazine which she had been clutching tightly from her hand and helped her put the money in her bag.

It was empty.

I was the first person who had approached her all day and it was nearing 4pm. People had been walking past her as though she was invisible. I saw them turn their heads to look at nothing in the opposite direction or suddenly check their phone as if an important SMS just came through.

I'm not wanting to brag about how awesome I am. I'm just as self-absorbed as the next person. But I was shocked at how many people clearly find it so confronting dealing with homeless or disabled people.

The GiveNow website has a handy page that outlines some facts as well as ways to help.

Also, I created a short audio mash-up from my talks with The Big Issue peeps - you can have a listen here.

VINNIES CEO SLEEPOUT

The St Vincent de Paul Society in Victoria will be hosting the Vinnies CEO Sleepout next month on June 17th to raise money and community awareness for the important and escalating issue of homelessness.

More than 40 Victorian CEOs and business and community leaders have signed up to give up their beds for the night and experience homelessness for themselves.

CEOs so far on the list include Guy Dobson (Austereo), Rhys Holleran (Southern Cross Media) and Eugene Arocca (North Melb. Football Club). They'll be joined by DMG Radio General Manager, Sam Thompson, ALP Victorian Branch State Secretary, Nicholas Reece and 2010 Australian of the Year, Professor Patrick McGorry.

You can get involved or sponsor a CEO at the website www.ceosleepout.org.au. For some added incentive you should know that the Sydney CEO Sleepout has raised more funds so far than the Melbourne one - come on Melbournians, it's a case of State vs State!

It's so easy to live inside our little bubbles with our headphones on and our faces buried in books (or checking Twitter on our iPhone) - but it's also easy to do something, however small, to assist those in our community that need help.

I'll stop whinging about my lack of heating ... now.

One more thing, check out Rudely Interrupted's new single 'Close my Eyes' produced by Scope.

Why I hate Australian Rules

2010-05-20T22:38:00.000+10:00

I hate AFL. I don't watch it, I'm not interested.

One of the reasons I hate AFL is because it celebrates people like Jason Akermanis. His article in today's Herald Sun made me want to smash my computer.

How is it that this person, and people like him (I'm looking at you Sam Newman) have a public voice where they can spout their archaic, homophobic, misogynistic bullshit and the public lap it up like the archaic, homophobic, misogynistic lemmings that they are?

People like Jason Akermanis shouldn't have a public voice - because their opinions can't be backed up with anything even slightly tangible. Here is a supposedly heterosexual man spouting some half-cocked idea about how he thinks gay people should lead their lives. He's not gay, he's not a psychologist, he's not a sociology major, he's not an expert in sexual health or in suicide prevention - he's a footballer, and that is all. He has no place to publicly comment on the issue of homosexuality in sport. He has no place commenting on anything other than football - the actual game - not whatever does or doesn't happen in the locker room.

Everyone has a right to their own opinion and everyone's opinions are more frequently heard thanks to new media. But Jason Akermanis' opinion is broadcast on commercial radio and printed in commercial newspapers. This gives him 'voice of God' status - meaning that to some people, his opinions are seen as fact. It also means that in the public sphere, other people who think his opinions are fantastic can stand up, pump their fist in the air and say "Yeah! I'm a homophobic asshole too and I say NO gays in sport!" - and they can feel that they are completely justified in saying this, because JASON AKERMANIS thinks so.

I've been trying to write this for a while now, but due to the fact that I am furious, disappointed and ... furious ... it is very difficult to be as articulate as I'd like to be.

Jason Akermanis is a scared little man. Scared that a gay teammate might glance at him in the shower and he might feel a twinge in his nether regions - which would obviously make him gay. Scared that a group of people he has spent his life assuming were beneath him might actually stand up for themselves against him and people like him and prove that they collectively have more talent, intellect, guts and masculinity than he has in his little finger (or any other *little* appendage he might be compensating for).

I know that not all AFL players are idiots. This article by Adam Gooodes in The Age is excellent. Unlike Akermanis, Goodes actually can talk about Indigenous players because he actually has some experience being one.

I don't care how much Akermanis tries to defend his comments with "I don't hate the gays, some of my best friends are gay" type comments - he is a stupid little man with idiotic opinions that he should keep to himself.

A fantastic response here from Jack Marx and Ian Roberts speaking on 2UE here.

Here is the Western Bulldog's official response and I particularly like the photo advocate.com have chosen for their story.

The AFL Footy Show is, as I type, very formally backing away from Akermanis' comments - although Sam Newman's lisping pronunciation of 'homosexual' makes it quite clear what position he takes (- missionary, one would assume).

I want to hear informed, educated opinion from people who know what they're talking about - unfortunately the voices that we hear in Australian mainstream, commercial media are more often than not uneducated, uninformed, bigoted and downright idiotic.

I'm off to watch Christopher Hitchens on Lateline. Thank Dog for Tony Jones.

Let the study results show ...

2010-05-08T22:58:00.003+10:00

So many things bothered me yesterday - to kick off a generally shitty day there was this tweet;

It struck me as a bit odd. I'm no mathematician, but one in three Australians saying they won't pay more to fight global warming means that two out of three would or were at least thinking about it - as in (and I'm sure this is already quite clear to you) the majority of Australians probably are willing to pay.

Which means that the headline in the paper, rather than stating "We won't pay" should more accurately have said "We will pay for climate change".

In fact, the news.com.au article only gives the stats on the won't side of things. So we don't know how many respondents were willing to cough up some cash or even the metrics of the study (i.e. if there was an "undecided" option).

Here's the Sydney Morning Herald's article on the study and here is where you can find the actual results of the study from the Institute of Public Affairs website.

In fact, besides the 35% of respondents that said they wouldn't pay anything, it was only 3% of respondents that were undecided - leaving a massive 62% of respondents willing to pay between $100 and over $1000 in extra taxes to combat global warming.

I know, I shouldn't expect much from news ltd.

I'm just saying, it annoyed me. But I'm not done yet.

THEN to finish my busy, stressful, almost insufferable day, I see this tweet;

I'm sure I don't need to say too much about why this one bothered me.

Here's the two main reasons;

(1) Way to perpetuate stereotypes boys (and you know it was a man that did this study*). As if it needs to be reiterated that in popular culture large, mostly fake breasts draw more attention. I hope the follow-up study is about young women and plastic surgery, eating disorders, body dysmorphia, promiscuity and suicide.

(2) Could you waste time on a more useless topic? I'm pretty sure there's more important studies that could be done ... what about a study on why stupid American professors with no prospect of sex develop fixations on the mammary glands of the waitresses at their local Hooters so create a research project based on them in an attempt to initiate conversation and/or intercourse?

Take a breath.

Right, so Twitter really got me riled up yesterday. I think I might do my own study on the number of times I slap myself in the forehead wondering how people so stupid manage to live and/or prosper.

Rant End.

* For the record, it was this guy. Professor in Food and Beverage Management eh?, nice title. I wonder if McDonald's has that doctorate in their education program.

It Doesn't Blow

2010-05-08T21:43:00.000+10:00

Chris Taylor and Andrew Hansen from The Chaser have a new project with Triple J called The Blow Parade.

It's a spoof radio program where each week "Captain Blow" (Andrew Hansen) looks at a year in pop-music. There are interviews, gossip, hilarious songs and some seriously dodgy characters.

I've just had a chance to listen to the first two episodes and was laughing out loud all through it. I really like the medium of radio for comedy - particularly scripted, creative comedy like this, it really gives you a chance to make of it what you will. - It helps that The Blow Parade is so tightly edited and well made too.

You can subscribe to the podcast here. The website has a bio, ringtones and a lovely ad for "Putney Currys" - the major sponsors of the show and supposedly a delicious topping for ice-cream. The best bit of the site though is by far the Quiz - do it.

Jolly good show chaps!

Build a Bridge: Logie Tweet-gate

2010-05-04T15:02:00.001+10:00

The Logies on Sunday was the usual mess of bad jokes, pretty frocks, undeserving awards and golden moments (thank you Shaun Micallef). I never expect much from the event - if I don't fall asleep it's been a good show and if I'm not hiding behind the couch cringing at the overly-scripted "casual chatter" between presenters, even better.

But seemingly there are people out there that take the whole thing a little too seriously - besides the cast of Home & Away, who's only chance to prove to their parents that they indeed have 'made it' is to take home a "most popular male/female talent" award. There are viewers that are obviously a little too sensitive about their favourite soap/reality stars.

The Herald Sun today has shamed Melbourne comedian Catherine Deveny, calling her Logie tweets acid-tongued and offensive. Really? I thought they were hilarious. In fact, thanks to Deveny, Wil Anderson (who also got a spray from news ltd.) and a few others, the Logie broadcast was made almost bearable.

What better topic for Australian comedians than our laughable rabble of 'celebrities' on their night of nights? John Mayer spends half his life saying stupid shit - we can't be shocked when he gets bagged for it. And seriously, Bindi Irwin? She's not so much a child as a social construction - there's nothing child-like about her, but for her appearance. In any case, comedy's hit and miss, what I find funny, others might not - but let me have my fun please - and I'll let you keep watching Hey Hey it's Saturday.

Meanwhile, the idiotic tweets of people wondering who KD Lang was and making snide remarks about the fact that she performed barefoot were far more offensive - here's the trick kids, when you actually have talent you don't need the pomp and circumstance of the Gabriela Cilmi number - you can just sing.

"Entertainment Reporter" Pete Timbs on The Circle this morning had a go at both Wil Anderson and Catherine Deveny. He said Wil was a "so-called" comedian (among other things) and was so disgusted by Deveny that he couldn't even talk about her tweets - though he did put a lovely picture of her on screen - nice one Dev. Besides the fact that Pete Timbs was once on a reality tv show generally populated by bogans and boof-heads, what exactly are his credentials to comment on media and/or celebrities? Ohhh, he works for TV Week you say? Well, that clears it up then.

Besides the Twitter storm-in-a-teacup the program wasn't all bad. Bert did a safe performance, KD Lang was amazing, Shaun Micallef shone every time he stepped on stage and tributes to Don Lane and Brian Naylor were respectful (though I'm not sure of Lane Jr. singing at every Australian media event ... we can stop that now, yes?)

Claudia Karvan looked stunning in classic lines - the diamond bracelet, the black gloves, the oh so revealing neckline, the wave in her hair. Perfection. Again, I'm not sure why the top story on news.com.au yesterday was that her nipple was slightly exposed when she leaned forward on the red carpet - it was the least of the 'reveal' issues of the night - I'm pretty sure you could see what Brynne Gordon ate for breakfast whether she was leaning forward or not.

Jessica Marais was gorgeous as usual, as was Margot Robbie. Ruby Rose looked like a contestant on Bret Michael's Rock of Love (and I don't mean that in a good way), though I loved her silver hair.

Overall it would have been a very dull night without Twitter - so I salute Wil, Catherine and the like and look forward to the next otherwise snore-fest event being made bearable by the T-wit-ter pros.

EDIT: Catherine Deveny's been fired from The Age ... what a load of crap. So utterly disappointing.

A BIT OF EVERYTHING

2010-04-21T17:34:00.000+10:00

Well, I haven't blogged for a while! Sorry about that. As usual life takes over.

Here's just a quick wrap-up of what's been happening (or is coming up).

Artsy stuff I'm loving;

1) Kill Your Darlings literary journal. Not only is it an amazing collection of writing, reviews, interviews and awesomeness but it looks so sexy. It's worth the moula for the cover pic alone (by Melbourne-based artist Jeremy Ley). There's so much goodness here - do yourself a favour.

2) The Wheeler Centre: Books, Writing, Ideas. This is why I love Melbourne. The Wheeler Centre is all about creating discourse around writers and writing - does that sound boring to you? Well you would be wrong there - check out the videos of events that have already happened - including this amazing performance by Paul Kelly at the Gala Evening of Storytelling - and prepare to concede defeat.

I attended the Gala night on February 13 and let me tell you there was a spark in that very large room - the air was electric with anticipation. Not just for the evening of speakers ahead but at what The Wheeler Centre means for Melbourne and where it might take us. Booking online is easy, many of the events are free and if not, are very reasonably priced. The Wheeler Centre has added further evidence to the "there's always something to do in Melbourne" argument, and how.

3) Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Yeah I know, it's over, but bloody hell I love Melbourne ... did I mention that? I managed to catch a whole lotta Comedy Fest. this year but there were two stand-outs for me. Firstly, Good Evening, with Shaun Micallef and Stephen Curry. If you've read this blog at all you know I have a serious crush on Micallef, but don't let that make you think I'm bias in my very high opinion of this production. I know it was the big-name ticket of the festival but there's a reason that these two gentlemen are so loved; they are brilliant. And that is all.

My second pick is Catherine Deveny's God is Bullshit: That's the Good News. It's so hard to love Deveny because she's so hit and miss. One minute you're reading her column shouting "Right on Sister!" and the next you're cringing behind the couch watching her on Q&A, wondering why she told that really bad joke and was glaring at Peter Dutton as if her retinas were burning.

So I attended her show hoping for the best and was really, wonderfully impressed. She wasn't cracking a string of one-liners - she was telling a story that was close to her heart and it really worked. You didn't have to laugh, you didn't have to agree, you didn't have to understand. I especially liked the references for us post-Catholic-childhood Atheists; liturgical dancing? check. She was wonderfully entertaining and I do love a good "Fuck You!" to organised religion. And the really good news? She's doing a return season at Trades Hall from the 5th to the 8th of May. In the meantime, check out her Lunchbox/Soapbox at, you guessed it, The Wheeler Centre! Whoop!

TV stuff I'm loving;

1) The fact that The Pacific out-rated Hey Hey it's Saturday on its debut Wednesday night.

I watched a bit of Hey Hey and was suitably appalled at the nanna jokes, thinly-veiled racism, not so thinly-veiled sexism and general cringe-worthiness. It's just so wrong. It's like someone tore a hole in the space/time continuum and vomited in it. I didn't watch The Pacific, I'm not really into war-porn. I will try to watch some of the Melbourne episode tonight though (or one of the seven hundred 'encore' repeats on 7 digital).

2) Wilfred (SBS, Monday night 10pm). That mangy dog is a heart breaker, but oh, how I love him. This season is brilliant, my favourite so far is episode 2 where Sarah takes the boys to Nambour and Wilfred has an interesting existential conversation with a Cocky played by ... what do you know? Mr Stephen Curry! (I'm really tying things together here, huh?)

Other stuff;

Underbelly - Episode 1. I watched the first 15 minutes, the last 15 minutes and some bits in between. The dialogue is crap, the acting is average, the voice-over is intolerable - let's see, that leaves tits, stabbings, guns, tits, money, tits, drugs and tits. The most interesting thing about it was following the boob-count on Twitter. Underbelly; where television soap stars go to die (in a knife fight in King's Cross of course). The most horrifying bit was when the voice-over stated that the good-girl-turned-hooker had "liberated" herself by becoming a whore. Seriously? For fuck's sake.

MTR AM - Melbourne's new boys club AM radio station. You can expect bigoted commentary from program director Steve Price and his mates Andrew Bolt, Sam Newman, Steve Vizard and Jason Akermanis, to name a few. Any women you ask? Well a woman does the news updates, and then there's a program on Sundays that's co-hosted by a woman. Take THAT glass ceiling! I am loving thinking of things "MTR" might be an acronym for though; More Tiring Rants is my current favourite.

Roberta Williams - Since the death of Carl Williams on Monday we can expect to see a whole lot more of Roberta (well, whatever there's left to see after her lads mag shoot *spews in my mouth a little bit*). Supposedly New Idea is offering $250,000 for her story and ACA and TT will no doubt be returning to the story every day with "new angles" - i.e. What did Carl eat for breakfast that day? Was he a boxers or briefs kinda guy and did that have anything to do with his homicidal tendencies? - You know, the important stuff that the public want to know.

Masterchef is back - I'm kind of watching it, in that I'm watching it but not actually looking at it because I'm doing other stuff (like cooking a masterchef-worthy dinner). It's all tears and coulis really isn't it? "I'm doing this for my family", "I didn't want to look back and realise I wasted my life", "This is the most intense thing I've ever done" and from the judges, "I'd sell this in my restaurant", "Who would have thought a *insert occupation here* could cook" and "We want you to continue your journey" ... there's the recap for you.

Twitter - I love Twitter. I especially love living vicariously through Twitter. Watching Q&A whilst following Twitter makes it almost bearable when a planted Young Liberal asks a stupid, irrelevant question (almost). Reading all the hilarious responses to the latest scandal is especially fun - my favourites are @thingboganslike, @firstdogonmoon, @trubnad, @domknight, @scrivenersfancy, @catherinedeveny and @wil_anderson.

Right, so there's a bit of a lot of stuff that I've been musing on - hopefully I get a chance to blog a bit more frequently soon.

In the meantime - follow me on TWITTER ... it's over there on the sidebar ... do it ... do it now ...

Get the Lowdown

2010-03-24T19:41:00.002+11:00

The new ABC1 comedy Lowdown looks fantastic;

It's taking Hungry Beast's spot at 9pm on Wednesday nights from April 21. I just adore Adam Zwar and his brilliant series Wilfred which is currently screening on SBS - am very much looking forward to this one.

Bindi and the Bottle

2010-03-19T17:40:00.001+11:00

Comedian Fiona O'Loughlin is in the small paper today after a throwaway comment on Wednesday night's Spicks & Specks (8:30pm ABC1).

Page 7 of the Herald Sun ran a banner "Fellow stars, viewers slam boozy comedian for 'slap' remark". The article even had a breakout box with a blow-by-blow account of the events on screen - excessive? Yes.

The first line of the article read;

Alcoholic comedian Fiona O'Loughlin has sunk to a new low, calling Bindi Irwin a creep who needs a slap in the face.

But by midday the online article had removed the terms "boozy" and "alcoholic" with the only reference to O'Loughlin's former alcohol dependency in italics at the end;

O'Loughlin discusses her battle with the booze in an interview to be published in Saturday's Herald Sun.

Well, well, well. How convenient for the Herald Sun that they should stumble across this "public outcry" just days before their very own feature on O'Loughlin.

The article claims that the ABC's online message board was "awash" with criticism. Really? At midday there were just 22 comments on the thread regarding Wednesday's episode of S&S - hardly a public outcry.

Mind you, there are over 400 comments on the HS website in response to the article. Many of them are along the lines of "how is this news?" and many more along the lines of "it's called comedy, get over it". Sure there are the "who will think of the CHILDREN" lot but I'm pretty sure they all come from the same church-group and flood the comments section en masse whenever the 'moral panic' bells ring out and they are called to action.

Cheap self-promotion from the Herald Sun - not entirely shocking.

Perhaps O'Loughlin can sue for defamation seeing as she is not, in fact, a boozy alcoholic at this time. Whereas Bindi Irwin is, in fact, slightly creepy.

Bee in your Bonnet?

2010-03-10T20:31:00.003+11:00

Up until now, if you wanted to make a formal complaint to a commercial tv station you had to send or fax an actual letter - I mean putting actual pen to actual paper and purchasing an actual envelope (yes, they still make them).

Well, times they are a changin' and we have this newfangled gadget called the in-ter-net nowadays - and FreeTV Australia has caught on.

SO - if you want to make a complaint about a commercial free-to-air station you just have to go here and fill out the webform. Easy as that.

Perhaps you'll complain about the frequency of Two and a Half Men episodes being aired? - every two and a half minutes as far as I can tell (or that they're aired at all). Perhaps you'll complain about Benny Hill episodes being aired in prime time on channel 7TWO when the youngens can watch and learn his vomit-inducing skills in objectifying women and terribly unfunny what-I'm-assuming-are-supposed-to-be jokes? Maybe you'll complain about the lack of ethnically diverse characters on Neighbours? Or how about that old chestnut of the advertisements being ten times louder than the programs? (I should point out they have a whole page addressing that very issue - which should by no means stop you complaining).

Ohhh, there's so much joy to be had in whingeing. Come on Australia - this is what we do best - and now it's been made easy! Just two minutes away from your Facebook stalking could have you receiving carefully worded emails from the stations explaining to you that your comments have been taken into careful consideration! Pure JOY!

Obviously you're not reading this anymore because you're already over there telling Mel and Kochie just exactly what you think of them ... ahhhhh, so much potential.

* I should point out that the page states;

This Electronic Lodgement System can only be used for complaints under matters covered by the Commercial Television Industry Code of Practice. Code Complaints include program classification; accuracy, fairness and respect for privacy in news and current affairs; the amount of non-program matter on television; and placement of commercials and program promotions.

But there are links to other feedback avenues so don't let that stop you.

Vulva Vulva Vulva

2010-03-04T17:47:00.000+11:00

If you're to believe the Herald Sun people are supposedly up in arms about Hungry Beast's segment on vaginas, labiaplasty and magazine censorship which aired last night at 9pm and is repeated tonight at 8:30pm on ABC2. Obviously the Beast is attracting a good audience these days - has everyone forgotten a rather confronting feature documentary aired on SBS last June titled The Perfect Vagina? It showed far more graphic scenes of the surgery and of the female anatomy in general. There has also been a similar documentary regarding male genitalia aired several times over the last few years on SBS.

So why has Aunty showing us a few "graphic" images got everyone's knickers in a knot?

Let's see, is it that Gen Y (Hungry Beast's target demographic) are prudes when it comes to female genitalia? Doubt it.

Is it that no one actually watches SBS? Refuse to believe it.

Or is it that people are quicker to make complaints about the ABC because it's the main public broadcaster and clearly should not be using its funding to educate the masses on the correct representation of the vulva? Methinks it's the latter. After all, it's your ABC, you pay taxes, so you get to put your two cents in about every little thing that may or may not be to your tastes.

The thing is, it is our ABC - as a collective - and most people on Twitter thought the segment was informative and gave it much kudos. Who are the people that found it offensive? Are they not aware of anatomy? Should their children not be aware of the misrepresentation that the censorship laws are creating? Perhaps they should spend their time complaining to the commercial stations about music videos or to their local service station for shoving Krystal Forscutt in their children's faces.

God forbid the kiddles see an anatomically correct vulva without diamantes or a playboy bunny symbol anywhere near it.

I thought the segment was well made and not at all innapropriate. I'm not sure whether the magazine censorship laws can be blamed entirely for women's warped visions of what we are supposed to look/act like - but it was a reasonable argument expressed well. Perhaps the sensitive dears not wanting to view the female anatomy could have changed the channel after the first, or second, warning.

Here's Kirsten Drysdale's blog re the issues of censorship covered in the segment.

Wicked Crime-Drama

2010-03-01T16:07:00.003+11:00

Wicked Love: The Maria Korp Story scored 1.3 million viewers last night for channel 9. Starring Rebecca Gibney and Vince Colosimo it told the tale of murdered mother of two Maria Korp in 2005 - a tale that included sex, intrigue, lies, swingers and a good dose of Colosimo-esque ego-mania. It was very watchable.

I wonder though, whether it might have been better to use different names for the characters rather than those from the real life case. With the success of Underbelly has come a trend for real life crime-drama on Australian television. The thing about drama is that the story is embellished to create it. Facts are included or excluded for entertainment purposes. Events are changed, assumed, embellished.

Many people watching last night would have developed an opinion by the end of the telemovie.

Whether it was that poor old Joe Korp had a personality disorder that was evident from childhood (thanks to some grainy childhood flashbacks of little Joe in 'cowboy' mode) or that Tania Herman was a misguided fool-for-love led astray by her dominating lover - viewers are making assumptions about people in real life based on the character portrayals by some of their favourite actors.

I found it interesting that Maria Korp was portrayed (by Gibney) as a normal albeit long-suffering wife of a cheating husband but that her obsession with psychics, spirituality, animal sacrifice and penchant for the "swinger" lifestyle was touched on only slightly. Her 'eccentric' behaviour was definitely shown as only being a result of her husband being unfaithful.

Tania Herman was portrayed almost as an innocent. A lonely single mother looking for a good time on the internet who was convinced to commit a crime by her lover. A far cry from the tough, muscle-clad Queen of the Jailhouse as some news reports have suggested more recently.

Then there's Joe Korp, eerily portrayed by Vince Colosimo as an unhinged, egotistical, dominating smooth-talker. He is quite plainly the villain of the piece and is unlikeable from the very first moment we meet him - perhaps because we know how the story unfolds.

But these characters are not, in reality, accurate portrayals of the actual people involved in the case - how can they be? Yet some viewers have been commenting on forums and blogs today about the case as though they had read all the court transcripts and had a deep understanding of the actual events.

As a crime-drama Wicked Love was quite good. But it's not a documentary - if it were, then such attractive actors would not have been chosen and there would have been no voice-of-God narration from the dead victim. Even the title suggests that this is indeed the "Maria Korp Story" - not a story based on actual events.

In fact it is based on a novel that is based on actual events called The Maria Korp Case: The Woman in the Boot Story, by Carly Crawford - which I haven't read.

It seems to me though, that in using actual cases for these crime shows that networks are making the viewer the judge, jury and executioner of the people involved in the real case.

It's an interesting genre and I do find these programs fascinating, but to be honest I'd rather watch Australian Story and get the facts from the actual people involved (if they want to tell them) - even if they are less attractive and there are no soft-focus sex scenes.

White Room Fail

2010-02-24T12:18:00.000+11:00

Unsurprisingly channel 7 has axed it's celebrity game-show The White Room after just two episodes (from Mumbrella).

The show featured two teams of celebrities answering questions about television - sounds like fun right? It certainly had the 'nostalgia' element that was so popular last year where we saw the return of Hey Hey it's Saturday and specials like The Best of the Paul Hogan Show.

But The White Room just didn't rate.

I would suggest it's because the show was a plain white room filled with varying degrees of celebrity talking about shows of days gone by that were actually wonderful - who wants to watch another cheaply made game-show when reminded of shows like Always Greener and Mother and Son?

Another failed reality/quiz show just brings attention to the fact that the commercial stations put little or no funding into creating quality Australian drama and comedy. It's a lot cheaper to put a few cameras in an airport, on a beach, or in a veterinarian clinic to follow people leading their everyday lives and sell it as "drama" than to hire actual talent to make something new and creative.

The success of Packed to the Rafters proved that there was a gaping hole in the commercial schedules. Perhaps Nine, Seven and Ten could use the revenue boost from their cut licence fees to create some fresh new drama ...

One can dream.

TV settles in for 2010

2010-02-17T19:28:00.001+11:00

To be honest I didn't watch a whole lot of television over summer; the thought of accidentally switching over to the cricket or tennis made me break out in hives. So I took the opportunity to spend some time in the real world bitching about sports with my intellect-elitist friends over a glass of wine at various Fitzroyalty locations where "Hewitt" is a dirty word and tie-dye is well back in fashion.

Of course I can only fake 'cool' for so long so I'm back in my couch-groove watching whatever is on offer.

Here's my thoughts so far;

LOVING

Sleuth 101 (ABC1, Friday 8pm) - pure joy, and this week we have investigator Frank Woodley which should be a hoot.

Poh's Kitchen (ABC1, Wednesdays 6:30pm) - short, simple, good cooking and good conversation.

Talkin' 'Bout Your Generation (Ten, Sunday 7:30pm) - I think it's safe to say I'll watch Shaun Micallef read the newspaper. The only down-side to this great program is Charlie Pickering - sorry, but the more I see him, the more I dislike him - and unfortunately he's everywhere.

Collectors (ABC1, Sunday 6:30pm) - seriously, what the hell is this brilliant show doing on a Sunday afternoon? Bad timeslot but thank heavens for iView. The new panel line-up is still getting comfortable but it's always well worth watching.

Heartbreak High (ABC3, [repeat] 8:30pm) - what's not to love? Teen angst, 90s fashion, racial tensions, pregnancies, affairs and ... oh yeah ... Alex Dimitriades, *swoon*.

LIKING

Hungry Beast (ABC1, Wednesday 9pm) - it's back, it's a bit tighter and smoother (obviously it's been using the Ab-Pro) and I am more than willing to spend half an hour watching it and supporting something that's a bit left-of-centre and that's nurturing young talent.

The White Room (Seven, Thursday 7:30pm) - well, I think 'liking' is a stronger word than I'd use, perhaps 'tolerating' is more appropriate. Either way, it has some great clips from old TV and I'll watch anything that features Man oh Man! I'm guessing it will be axed before it finds its feet, if it has any.

Q & A (ABC1, Monday 9:35pm) - hasn't quite hit its stride yet but we're only two episodes down and one featured only Kevin Rudd so that was hardly going to be edge-of-your-seat entertainment (- unless you like watching an awkward little man be thrown grammatically incorrect questions by Young Liberals who look like they're trapped in 1976) ... actually, that sounds a lot more fun than it actually was.

My Kitchen Rules (Seven, Mondays and Tuesdays 7:30pm) - the shock reveal of 5 new teams has made me lose interest a little bit but I'm definitely semi-watching the show for the time being (by "semi-watching" I mean watching it while I'm doing other things like talking on the phone about how glad I am the WA team were booted).

Good Game (ABC2, Monday 8:30pm) - I still miss "that other guy" but I'm a nerd, so I'll watch it.

Good News Week (Ten, Monday 8:30pm) - depending on the guests, this show is variably watchable. Unfortunately if Akmal Saleh is on I have to switch off, I've heard his joke one too many times. Either way though, Paul McDermott is devilishly handsome.

LOOKING FORWARD TO

Food Safari with Maeve O'Meara (SBS1, returns March 18) - Love Meave, love food, wish I had smell-o-vision.

Wilfred (SBS1, series 2 starts March 8) - One of the funniest Australian comedies. Wilfred is genius.

OBSERVATIONS

The Circle (Ten, weekdays 10am - midday) - as far as I can tell it's just David & Kim with 4 people instead of 2 (and without David or Kim). "Ding Dong" Denise and Chrissie Swan are great and the four women have a good rapport, unfortunately Yumi Stynes is almost unbearable - clearly she has been included to replace David Reyne's awkward comments (when cooking an Asian meal this morning she said she was getting more "slanty" by the minute, *cringe*).

The Biggest Loser (Ten, every five minutes as far as I can tell) - are people seriously still watching this? It's on at dinner time for heaven's sake.

Home & Away (Seven, weeknights at 7pm) - I've never been a fan of the show but I did switch over a few weeks ago to find an incident a la the Cronulla Riots taking place. There was a group of intoxicated youths wearing Australian flags setting fire to the Surf Club - with people of various ethnicities inside! Now that's topical.

Neighbours (Ten, weeknights at 6:30pm) - I haven't been watching Neighbours this year but from what I could piece together from the ads; Steph and Toadie are faking a relationship because Steph is pregnant to her best friend's husband who just happens to be the brother of the man Steph was dating AND caring for after he had a bike accident that left him unable to walk (-for a week or so). Good to see business as usual on Ramsay Street.

The 7pm Project (Ten, weeknights at 7pm) - it seems every time I flip over to this show lately there's a right-wing radio announcer on the panel - so I've stopped flipping over. I do, however, check the website every now and then to find James Matheson doing his thing - and it's usually hilarious.

I'm sure I've forgotten something - I'll edit as I remember.

Education Versus Child-Rearing

2010-02-15T18:59:00.001+11:00

With all the bad press Tony Abbott has been getting lately following his comments on virginity and housework, he might just be rubbing his hands together with glee after an article in the SMH today by Nina Funnell has painted Kevin Rudd to be similarly misguided.

Funnell tells the tale of a meeting with Rudd where, as she says, he admonished her for using a PhD as an excuse not to breed;

At that point one of my friends introduced me, dropping in that I am completing a PhD. At this, Rudd rolled his eyes and in a terse voice lacking any sense of irony remarked that is the "excuse" that "all" young women are using nowadays to avoid starting families.

Since I had such fun tearing through the Abbott faux-pas-double-shot I thought it only fair that I should bring up this article. Of course, it's not excactly the same situation; Abbott was speaking to reporters, to the nation and unfortunately, to the world. Everyone heard the words come out of his mouth and was resultantly shocked and/or horrified. In this case though, Funnell can only repeat what was said to her in a private conversation.

Yes, the Prime Minister has spoken about the aging population and the inevitable gap in skilled workers once the baby-boomers drop off the radar, but are the words Funnell is almost quoting something that the PM would really say? First of all, I don't think Rudd is capable of irony. His all-over-the-shop-inflections-but-otherwise-monotone pattern of speech mean that he has an air of smugness disabling any ability to jest. Also, there's the fact that he seems to hold higher education in high esteem if we are to believe not only his policies but his personal achievements.

But besides all this, he is hardly in a position to have any ill feelings about successful women - after all, his wife is far more successful than him in most capacities (entrepeneaur, business manager, income earner) - besides running the country of course ... though one does wonder.

The opposition will no doubt ride with this incident as evidence that Rudd shares the same cro-magnon opinion of women as Abbott but I would suggest that it's Rudd's ego that might have tripped him up in this situation. It's obvious that our PM has a rather high opinion of himself - after all, what kind of politician would he be without one? One would assume that when speaking to a young person - a member of Gen Y whom he is desperately trying win over after his Q&A trauma - he might attempt to jest - albeit badly.

Besides, there's a difference between supposedly making a sarcastic comment to one woman with the defense of economic stability and definitely making an ingnorant comment (or two) to the whole world with the defence of an imaginary friend that lives in the clouds.

The overall sentiment shared in the article however, is not lost on the readers. Nearly all of the commenters are in agreeance with Funnell that the pressure on women to have children is misplaced at best, and at worst, unrealistic. Her article makes a good point that it is difficult in today's economic environment to have an education, a career, a life and a child - all things that women in Australia are encouraged to pursue.

Over at The Punch, Carrie Miller has written a brave column titled Why I Hate Parents - That Means You which outlines the grievances of a woman not interested in pro-creation. It is sharp-tongued and to the point and in an interesting contrast has won her few supporters.

Whilst Funnell used her column to paint Rudd as equally archaic as Abbott and to assure the public that she may indeed have children in the future (but that the government should stick their noses out of her decision) Miller didn't hide behind a possible conversation with the PM, but rather expressed her feelings honestly.

As is the way in social commentary, it's easier to voice your opinion as an opposition, rather than simply give your opinion and wait for the public to voice their opposition.

EDIT: Christopher Scanlon has written a rebuttal to the recent conversations in The Punch today adding some good points to the argument, however one in particular;

Nor does it follow that those with children are superior to those who choose not to. Clearly a full and fulfilling life can be had with or without children.

- is I think exactly the issue that prompted Miller to write her column. Scanlon of course, has logic on his side, while Miller has a (mostly justified) bee in her bonnet.

Either way, the discourse will be an interesting one to follow over the coming weeks.

My Kitchen, Master Kitchen, Poh's Kitchen

2010-02-10T19:28:00.006+11:00

I have to admit, I didn't really watch Masterchef. I did like the format and thought it was a great concept and there were even one or two contestants that I thought were bearable but I just could not bear watching George Colombaris slurp his way through taste tests and end every sentence with an emphasised "Yeah?". I was pretty sure the Horsemen of the Apocalypse would soon follow him being labeled a 'sex symbol' - alas, they did not.

The success of Masterchef though, cannot be ignored. Channel 7 have tried to tap in to the new-found love of all things culinary with My Kitchen Rules. But there is just one factor that drew me to this particular program; French chef, Manu Feildel.

I fell in love with Manu on channel 10's Ready Steady Cook (along with the irrepressible Peter Everett) so seeing he was one of the judges on MKR (along with Pete Evans) meant that I had to watch. Unfortunately there are few other likable people on the show.

It's been interesting to watch the contestants under pressure - the WA couple at first just seemed like they had no personalities at all. Watching them under the pressure of their first task I realised that I would have preferred, at least the husband, to stay that way. The Queensland girls are straight from the set of Kath and Kim and the Melbourne boys are trying too hard to be cool. The NSW couple are nice enough but all these contestants are generic, middle/upper class folk who who have very little to offer in the way of entertainment.

Then, of course, there's South Australia. The public despises this pair if you believe the comments on the MKR website but the fact remains that they're the only spark in the show. I'm hanging on after every bite for a bitchy comment from Melissa and the looks between her and Adam when served their meals are priceless. The next episode is SA night - where Melissa and Adam will cook for the other contestants and judges and I'm hoping they come up with the goods so they stay in the competition.

But the jewel in the foodie-show crown would have to be Poh Ling Yeow on the ABC's Poh's Kitchen. Poh was one of the finalists of last year's Masterchef and the ABC have made an inspired choice by giving her a half-hour show to replace The Cook and the Chef which ended last year (- in tears, might I add). Poh is friendly and engaging and her show is light, fresh and conversational. Like The Cook and the Chef you get to spend a bit of time at the start of the show getting to know your host - what inspires her, where she buys her produce and her history with food.

Poh's Kitchen, as a program of substance, far surpasses Masterchef and My Kitchen Rules. There's no repetitive narration, no dramatic music, no diary-room type confessions - just good cooking and an infectious laugh.

Mind you, MKR is quite bearable if only to see SA (hopefully) triumph over all those boring nobodies that make up the other contestants.

What Century is This?

2010-02-08T23:09:00.002+11:00

There have been a few news items lately with a running theme - indulge me for a moment while I wax lyrical.

First there was the Tony Abbott faux pas re his opinion of his daughters 'gift' giving. Many reactions to the story, including mine, have wondered at the archaic idea that a woman's sexuality should be either repressed, or traded as a commodity. Many, many more though have called Tony "brave" for talking about an issue that is supposedly avoided by male public figures and defended his right to have an opinion about his daughter's sex life.

Then there was the banker-turned-meme David Kiely who was sprung ogling naked pictures of Miranda Kerr in the background of a live cross on the channel 7 news. Kiely became a hero overnight. The David Kiely Facebook group has almost 2000 fans. The video has been watched more than a million times on Youtube and comments on the News Ltd sites are very much in support of the "unlucky" banker. Yes, men look at pictures of naked women. Yes, banking is probably not the most exiting job in the world. But the reaction to the story irks me to say the least. Whichever way you look at it, he was objectifying women - and he has been made a hero as a result.

I wonder what the public reaction would have been had the live cross been to a government department and the employee was looking at naked pictures of Jenna Jameson (supposedly the world's most famous porn star)? I put it to you that there would have been outrage at the "tax payers dollar being wasted" and that the images would have been labeled as "smut" or "porn". But as long as he's wasting someone elses money (and who doesn't hate banks?) and as long as it's "Our Miranda" then go right ahead buddy! It would be unAustralian to punish him.

Then I saw this story about the recent bomb attack on a Darwin insurance company. It alleges that the reason there was no footage of the attack is that the CCTV cameras were disabled due to investigations into misuse by the NT police. Supposedly there had been one or more officers using the cameras to "perv" (sic) on schoolgirls.

And finally back to Tony Abbott who has put his foot in his mouth again today by referring to "the housewives of Australia" doing their ironing - like the good little wifeys they are. As I've said in a previous post, I don't expect much more from Abbott, but an article in today's The Age reports a strong gain by Abbott in opinion polls. Seemingly he is growing on the Australian public.

So let's see. We have a society it seems that glorifies men objectifying women. Where a police officer thinks it's acceptable behavior to use CCTV cameras to sexualise young girls. Where looking at naked women in a corporate workplace is excused as a form of National Pride. Where a man who could one day (I can barely even type the sentence) lead the nation thinks women should be at home ironing shirts, cooking roast dinners and making themselves pretty for when hubby comes home to receive his "gift".

Rapid technological development and globalisation has moved sexualised images of women from behind the counter at the drug store to our television screens, our street corners, our soft drink bottles, our car windows, our buses - basically everywhere you look. Feminism has become a dirty word to young women who aspire to a cameo on Girls Gone Wild and a new advertising target group called "Tween" has been invented so that big companies can make squillions of dollars selling 12-year-olds bondage wear.

I'm not saying that a woman's sexuality should be shut up behind closed doors or that David Kiely is the devil - it's not necessarily what he did that bothers me, it's the public reaction. Women are used as objects to sell products. How can they be taken seriously? When Julia Gillard was made Deputy Prime Minister it was her hair and outfit choices that were scrutinised, not her political comments.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm disappointed. I'm disappointed that the extraordinary power of new media to give the 'common man' a voice has shoved a microphone into the face of a public that has evolved very little over the last century in its opinion of women and their place in society.

For the Love of 3D

2010-02-01T23:37:00.002+11:00

Australia's gone mad for 3D. Since James Cameron's Avatar has broken all manner of box office records across the country there has been a renewed interest in all things Third Dimension.

Both A Current Affair and Today Tonight have had stories about the supposed rush to buy 3D televisions for the home and cinemas are hurrying to get whatever films they can in 3D so they can show movie-marathons and ride the wave of 3D popularity.

Talkin' 'Bout Your Generation on channel 10 returns this Sunday with some special segments in - you guessed it - 3D. (You can get your 3D glasses from TV Week or Women's Day magazines this week.)

Is it just me, or is 3D a little bit crap? I went to see Avatar at Imax and was thoroughly underwhelmed. Granted, after the hype surrounding the film I probably wouldn't have been happy with anything less than a Daft Punk-esque laser show requiring a cornea implant and resulting in a near-death-experience-so-close-to-heaven type revelation of existential proportions.

After three hours of checking my watch and wondering what species had bred with Jar Jar Binks to make these not-even-remotely believable creatures, I left the theatre wondering how this film had created such a buzz.

I suppose I should point out that I had watched Back to the Future II the night before - so I really had very high expectations of these new, fandangled 3D shenanigans. I mean, we've been promised 3D for a LONG time now haven't we? I mean, 3D films have been around since the start of the 20th century.

When chatting to a friend of mine about going to see Avatar he explained to me that the glasses provided by the cinema would probably be scratched from overuse and that he was going to be taking his own pair that he had saved from a 1976 Mad magazine.

Basically my reaction to the film, and particularly the 3D technologies was disappointment. Is this how far we've come with 3D? Is this as good as it gets right now?

Buying a $7000 3D television set seems like a high price to pay to see some sparkly bits of stuff in front of your face every now and then - you can just as easily bang your head on the wall and get a similar effect.

3D? As far as I'm concerned we have failed as a human race.

- And where's my f#cking Hoverboard?

Childless Hag Mocks Virile Man

2010-01-27T22:29:00.000+11:00

I'm sick of hearing about Tony Abbott. I know, it's going to be rather difficult to ignore him considering he's the Leader of the Opposition and we're headed to an election. Generally though, I can ignore the little things - the odd picture of him in speedos, a few strategically placed 'swear words' to show what an average Joe he is, even an interview in the Australian Women's Weekly ... oh, hang on.

An unguarded response to a question about sex before marriage in an AWW interview has seen a mixed response from the Australian public this week. When asked what advice he would give his three daughters about pre-marital sex Abbott responded;

I think I would say to my daughters, if they were to ask me this question ... it is the greatest gift that you can give someone, the ultimate gift of giving, and don't give it to someone lightly.

Some commentators have suggested that Abbott has lost some female voters with his response - but let's be serious, no woman who has any sense of self-worth that is not related to being a wife or mother (or who has any idea about women's rights) was on Tony's team in the first place. The women that support him are the God-bothering, right-wingers who's idea of success is procreating - to whom his response to the question might as well have come straight from the Pope himself. It's not shocking - we knew Tony had Christian Values, and these are what he is expressing.

Obvious, right? I would have thought so. The thing that has bothered me enough to write this is that when Julia Gillard responded to his comments the 'little lady' was immediately put back in her place by Senior Liberal George Brandis.

He's playing the old "childless" card - suggesting she doesn't know what she's talking about because she doesn't have children. Really? Julia Gillard is one thing he isn't - a woman. She had a "precious gift" once that she had to "protect" - so I'd say she is more qualified than both Abbott and Brandis to comment on young women's virginity. Oh wait a minute - a MAN is of course more knowledgeable in these matters - please forgive my silly, estrogen-affected brain.

And another thing, Abbott's comments have been defended due to the fact that any man, when discussing these issues with their daughter, would respond in a similar manner, so in context, the comments were appropriate. Let's think about that; he has told his daughters that their virginity is the "greatest gift that you can give someone" - not their intellect, their sense of humour, their compassion, their talent - the GREATEST GIFT - the BEST THING THEY HAVE TO OFFER to a man is SEX. Because after all, as a woman, the best thing you can do in society is have babies.

No, I'm not suggesting that parents should tell their daughters to sleep with any man that looks at them twice - but instilling in them the idea that sex is a commodity might just result in that. After all, if a man they are interested in isn't paying them attention, what do they have to offer him? Oh yes, that's right, the greatest gift.

As usual, Abbott has shown both his ignorance and hypocrisy - but once again, the public are applauding him for being 'real'.

Biggest Loser Last Minute Edit

2010-01-26T12:22:00.004+11:00

One of the contestants in this years Australia's Biggest Loser program on channel 10 has been charged by Queensland Police after material was allegedly found in his home relating to child pornography. 26 year old Deryck James Ward was partnered on Loser with his 29 year old sister. The pair were the second to be eliminated from the show which premieres on Sunday night.

The show this year has been surrounded by much hype due to the new host, former Olympic swimmer Hayley Lewis and several changes to the format including more detailed dietary information.

The majority of the show's episodes have already been recorded and have had to be painstakingly edited to remove Ward and his sister from the show. A channel Ten spokeswoman said;

Given the seriousness of these charges and that this matter is to be resolved in the courts, the network decided it will not broadcast any episode in which Mr Ward would have appeared.

The show will therefore feature nine couples instead of the original ten that has been promoted ad nauseum in a lengthy promo over the last few weeks on channel 10. Not surprisingly, the videos on the official website aren't playing the previews right now.

Whilst it's a terrible blow to the station, Tony Martin said it best on Twitter last night;

!!BREAKING NEWS!!

2010-01-20T18:11:00.000+11:00

This was a very serious breaking news item today on news.com.au. How it wasn't the lead story on tonight's news I do not know;

Media Working Together

2010-01-18T22:50:00.002+11:00

We've seen two occurrences of Australian media stations making one-off alliances today, and they couldn't be more different.

Let's begin with the images that have been flooding news-reels since yesterday when a baby girl was pulled from the rubble of the Haitian earthquake by ... well ... which channel's news team depended on which station you were watching.

As The Australian reported, it was Walkley award winning channel 9 cameraman Richard Moran who supposedly dug through the rubble with his bare hands to free the child. Yet it was channel 7 reporter Mike Amor who conveniently positioned himself to take the scared child into his arms for the money shot.

This was the footage that was played over and over on channel 7;

Not only does he seem to show no regard for the child's physical health (was the water insensitively poured over her head intended to scare the hell out of her or pretty her up for the camera?) but Amor's repetitive "here baby", "here baby" attempts to coax the child to suckle from a seemingly empty bottle was simply bizarre. Once the all-important footage was caught he was happy to hand the child over to a man who could barely recall her name.

Here was channel 9's story;

Unsurprisingly no Mike-Amor-as-Saviour shots here. Both channels hail Deiby Celestino as the hero though. Channel 7 claim him as a member of their security team. Channel 9 describe him as their interpreter.

This looked less like an actual rescue story and more like two rival networks fighting for the best shot, the best quote, the most heartbreaking/heartwarming soundbite. Mike Amor's earnest involvement seemed less than sincere and all the while the scared little girl is passed from hand to hand in a state of shock.

Contrast this with another media collaboration happening today.

Melbournians are tonight saying farewell to one of our iconic music venues, The Tote in Collingwood. Current owner Bruce Milne is unable to pay new liquor-licensing fees and has been forced to close the venue. Crikey today has reported a potential rising from the ashes for the venue but for tonight, there is no tomorrow for The Tote.

In a fitting farewell a long list of bands, most of them regulars at the venue, are playing a final super-gig tonight which is being simulcast live on community radio stations Triple R, PBS and 3CR. Not only is this an unprecedented occurrence for the three stations but the hard work and organisation that would have had to take place to get the operation underway at such short notice proves the immense collaborative abilities of all those involved.

Triple R announcer Richard Watts asking patrons and workers at The Tote what the venue meant to them was powerful stuff. As breakfast host Fee B Squared tweeted;

Looking at these two situations, one a begrudging lending of a hand (involving a child's life no less), and the other a peaceful coming together of like-minded people with equal intent - you can't help but feel the warm-and-fuzzies for community media.

Commercial stations have the equipment to give you, the viewer, a story that is polished to within an inch of its life, digital, wide-screen, dramatically re-enacted, botox injected, special effected.

- But what community stations can give you is simple; the real story - Never Mind the Bollocks.

Hawko the "Everywoman" my Fat Ass

2010-01-04T14:56:00.000+11:00

Jennifer Hawkins nude on the cover of Marie Claire - it's not exactly shocking is it? I mean, she's a lingerie model which means she's pretty much naked most of the time she's in the spotlight. The cover doesn't show her with her legs wide open or even her nipples exposed - yet it has created as much heated discussion it might as well have.

The issue is this; Hawkins is being applauded for appearing "untouched" on the cover. There has supposedly been no photo-shopping or digital manipulation of the image. Well, well, well; golf-claps all round. How very daring for a woman who, besides having a fabulous figure and being only 26 years old makes a career out of strutting the cat-walk in barely-there lingerie.

Here's a news-flash; she is PAID to keep her figure in brilliant condition. It is her JOB to look amazing and to have a trim and terrific body. So HOW exactly does she represent the "average woman"? If I didn't have to work 50 hours a week and was paid squillions of dollars to be glamorous I might go to the gym more than once a year and look as awesome as her too*.

How exactly is this image supposed to promote good body-image in "normal" women? It makes me want to stick my fingers down my throat and buy a bottle of peroxide.

Good on Marie Claire for getting all this free publicity for a shot that might as well have been photo-shopped; as if anyone would have noticed had it not been pointed out. Oh, dimples on her thigh you say? Uneven skin-tone?! Call the nip/tuck team stat!

On channel 9's Today show this morning radio host Bianca Dye spoke about baring all for Madison magazine in November. She pointed out the glaringly obvious that Hawkins is hardly a "normal" girl. The irony is that the ninemsn.com.au article had a link to a Zoo Weekly story about photo-shopping that referred to un photo-shopped pics of celebs as causing "vomit at the back of your throat". Way to prove a point that "real" women is the way of the future ... classy as usual.

The Madison issue actually had average sized women in the buff and was actually trying to make a point about body image. But it didn't have Jeniffer Hawkins nude on its cover - so actually went unnoticed.

The editor of Marie Claire, Jackie Frank, has blamed Australian women's negative body-image on the government. Well of course! Damn those attractive back-benchers and their enviable lighting and make-up at parliament question time! It couldn't possibly have anything to do with the unrealistic images that are thrust upon us at every supermarket check-out line and on every billboard on every corner.

Who would have thought a magazine like Marie Claire, dependent on advertising and profit, would be so devious in its sales tactics? *insert sarcasm here*.

* I say "might" because going to the gym probably won't make me 6 foot tall or white.

BRAN NUE YEAR

2010-01-01T15:25:00.001+11:00

The trailer for new Australian film Bran Nue Dae looks so fun and joyous. Starring Ernie Dingo and Rocky McKenzie it's a road trip film following the two men on their return to their hometown of Broome. Jessica Mauboy looks simply stunning and the film boasts a supporting cast of well-known Aussie faces, including Geoffrey Rush, Magda Szubanski and Missy Higgins.

Here's the trailer;

And the official site is here.

Bran Nue Dae will be in cinemas January 14.

Year in Review

2009-12-31T22:57:00.002+11:00

The ABC News tonight played an amazing mash-up in the last few minutes of the program - it's a fantastic piece of smart editing and can be seen here.

There's also some great stuff on the Year in Review page on the website.

Of course the best wrap-up of the year in review for Australian media is the Walkley Awards, which can be found here.

Safran from the Archives

2009-12-12T11:41:00.001+11:00

John Safran: The Lost Pilot was aired last night on ABC1.

After more than a decade in the ABC vaults, the dust was blown off the old reel to reel (alright, maybe it's not that old) and was shown to the masses - except that it was aired at 10:05pm - which isn't exactly prime-time. I don't know what the programmers were thinking putting it on that late, let alone keeping this little treasure under wraps for so long. It is grade-A Safran in all his biting-sarcasm-glory.

It also has the now infamous "Paxton V's Martin" scene where Safran and Shane Paxton confront Ray Martin outside his home in a current-affairs-style ambush. When Ray Martin released his autobiography earlier this year he was still banging on about the incident (and still showed some decided ill-will toward Safran), but to be honest I don't know why he's holding a grudge - the only thing that made him look like an arse was him acting like an arse.

Not to mention the fact that the segment with Martin is probably the least interesting on the pilot. The show is altogether hilarious - particularly John's maniacal monologue berating documentary film makers and his Dalai Llama short-film dancing.

Safran (and co-writer Michelle Bennett) did a brilliant job of the pilot, it's hard to believe it didn't get to air. As Jules Morrow (The Chaser) pointed out on Twitter last night, the ABC's 1998 Annual Report states that comedy for that year was "stretching the boundaries" - Jules thinks, and I agree; not enough.

You can still catch it on ABC's iView - it's well worth a watch. The DVD will be on sale from January 7 next year.

Women's Weekly Sauce (and not the cranberry kind)

2009-12-10T16:55:00.001+11:00

Have you seen the Christmas edition of the Australian Women's Weekly? It's hard to miss. There's a saucy picture of everyone's favourite reality tv loser; Julie Goodwin, from channel 10's Masterchef, adorning the cover in all her red-satin splendour. I was so taken aback by the image, spotted whilst standing in line at my supermarket, that I thought I might do a semiotic analysis.

Here's the cover;

First of all, It's a little bit contradictory to the "homely" image of Jules that is used in every other promo shot for every other kitchen/home product being flogged by every other company. Didn't she win over the Australian public by being the podgy housewife type with a warm cuddle and a suspended halo? It seems AWW decided to shake that image and turn her into a demonic vixen. Too much? Stay with me on this one.

Let's start with the colour red. The colour red in many cultures is synonymous with sexuality and/or danger. It's the colour of blood, linked to menstruation, linked to a girl becoming fertile, linked to a girl becoming a woman, blah blah blah, you get the idea. So link sexuality with danger and you've got one dangerously sexy lady, am I right?

So - the red satin dress. Even without the plunging neck-line (or should that be rib-line?) red satin oozes vamp. That dress is hot - and the ample bosom spilling forth from it is even hotter. One wonders if her nipples have been airbrushed out of the picture on the grounds of common decency! If you need further evidence of the red-dress hotness appeal just flick to pages 37 and 39 of the mag to see the steaming shots of everyone's favourite man-eater Penelope Cruz. Red. Satin. Sex.

Let's move on to her stance. It's a very "come hither" pose really. The open chest area, though on a slight angle, suggests attentiveness to the viewer and the downward angle of the camera makes the viewer dominant. Basically, Julie is interested in you. You might as well be holding a glistening roast turkey, oozing cranberry sauce, pierced with thyme sprigs, surrounded by baked ... alright, alright - obviously I flicked through the food section.

Now let's get to my favourite part of the picture. The balls. So, so many balls. Julie is coveting the balls. She holds the balls, is the master of the balls ... have I said "balls" enough times already? No? There's a whole lot of balls in this picture, yes? One more time; balls. Alright, I think I got that out of me.

Obviously her face has been airbrushed. It seems thinner and sharper than the pictures inside the mag. The cocked eyebrow = sexy. The smoky eye makeup = sexy. The dominance of the long nose by the slight downward angle on the shot = sexy. But why does Julie not have red lipstick on? It's thoroughly dissapointing. And her cheeks could be a bit more flushed for my liking which would suit the 'windswept' look of her hair - like she's just been romping around amongst the decorative baubles with the copy-boy before being snapped by the camera.

Let's see, what else is there? Well, she's dripping in diamonds - and who do you think of when you think diamonds? That's right, in a similar cut dress Marilyn Monroe vamped her way to immortality in the 1953 film Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. She sang the song Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend - which has since been copied by other sexually-charged artists such as Madonna, Eartha Kitt, Beyonce, Kylie Minogue and Anna Nicole Smith (though I'm not sure that last one can technically be categorised as an 'artist' as such). What the hell was my point? Oh yeah, Jules dripping in diamonds = sexy.

You think I'd be about done, right? Well there's a few little things, like the fact that she has "joy" written across her breast. If you look inside the mag you can even get a taste of Julie's "sweet treats" (alright, that one was a bit wrong - even worse if you imagine Homer Simpson saying it with his head reclined and drool dripping from his mouth). Add to all this that, as Andrew Bolt advised us yesterday; large-breasted women are going to steal your husband, this is one sexually charged, hot-tamale of a picture.

Clearly it has had a profound effect on me - causing me to question all that I thought was true and good in this world. Have the bright-lights of stardom and cling-wrap promotion turned our once wholesome Julie into the man-eating hussy we see before us? Or has the Australian Women's Weekly gone a tad overboard on the "glam" factor for this years x-mas special? I'll let you decide - but don't be surprised if you find a well-worn copy of this edition of AWW stuffed in your partners gym bag.

Oh yeah, and BALLS.

Hey Hey, Welcome Back to the Future

2009-12-07T20:27:00.000+11:00

Well, well, well. Hey Hey it's Saturday has been green-lighted for 20 "special" episodes (otherwise known as a series) on channel 9 next year. Besides the fact that it's to air on a Wednesday, making the title a little beyond a joke, it looks like Molly Meldrum won't be involved due to his contractual obligations to channel 7 and Foxtel. Molly was the clear, and almost only, highlight of the two specials aired this year. Otherwise it was a series of awkward 'dad jokes' and ditzy girls in too-short-skirts giggling maniacally at Darryl's idiotic jests.

Seriously though, why are we moving backward when there is so much young talent fighting for a head-shot on Australian tv? Rove hung up his gloves recently (in some circles to much applause) but at least Rove Live gave a leg-up to talented people like Ryan Shelton and, love them or hate them, Hamish and Andy.

The Hamish and Andy current affairs spoof "Real Stories" (aired on channel 10 in 2006) was really very funny and didn't get nearly as much kudos as it should have. Meanwhile we have dinosaurs like Darryl Somers making fart-jokes and vomit-in-your-mouth sexual innuendos rating through the roof.

I don't want to see Somers and Co (who, for the record, were rarely funny the first time round) return with more of the same old crap. The specials were an interesting lesson in nostalgia - with the realisation that (a) you can't go back and (b) what you thought was funny when you were twelve is really, really not very funny.

Want mature people on tv? How about people like Brian Nankervis, Andrew Denton, George Negus, Shaun Micallef? I want to see more of them (- yes, I want to see more of Shaun Micallef and yes, I understand that he currently hosts a show on channel 10 and yes, I have seen him recently feature in every other variety/game-show program on channel 10, and yes, I did spend most of Saturday watching The Micallef P(r)ogramme on DVD). And for a fresh young spin on entertainment, we have plenty of talent in John Safran, Julia Zemiro, the Chaser Boys, Ryan Shelton and Lawrence Leung - creating quality entertainment and fresh ideas.

Hungry Beast on the ABC might have been hit and miss but at least it was something a bit different. The Chaser's War on Everything was controversial - but isn't that a good thing? - don't we want our television to challenge us? To force us to take sides and think about things of importance - rather than to sit drooling with a packet of CC's in front of the plasma laughing at yet another dick-joke from a head on a stick?

I'm dissapointed that after the "black-face incident" channel 9 were still willing to give Hey Hey another go, yet new projects with actual potential don't get a second look. Good luck to Australia circa 2020 as Somers and the gang continue their misogynist, racist, archaic crap and assist in teaching another generation of kids that 'different' is bad and that women are decorative fashion accessories. Maybe they'll have Tony Abbott as a special guest.

Devine Intervention for Abbott

2009-12-03T10:49:00.000+11:00

The Sydney Morning Herald columnist Miranda Devine today has a piece about Tony Abbott's female supporters. She suggests that he is, in fact, beloved by the 'normal' female population, it's just a small proportion of women who find him to be a misogynist bible-bashing ignoramus - she describes these women as;

... the aggressively secular, paleo-feminist, emasculating Australian broad, for whom unabashed red-blooded blokeishness is an affront of biblical proportions.

Really? Biblical proportions? Well she would know about that - being the staunch conservative that she is. But it's the next paragraph that I particularly like;

They are unrepresentative of women, and disproportionately influential, because they either work in the media or politics or have high-profile, heavily networked careers which mean they are quoted in the media, and their opinions sought after.

Why do I like it? Because she's clearly picking a fight with loud and proud feminist and atheist, writer for The Age, Catherine Deveny. I would really like to see these two women have a war of words (or fisticuffs, whichever's easier).

Tony Abbott is a dinosaur. His archaic Christian ideas about women, abortion, divorce and climate change are so far removed from the mainstream mindset that he makes Andrew Bolt look like a reasonable fellow.

I'm waiting patiently for Ms Deveny to put Lady Devine in her place ... please?

The Wild Things

2009-12-01T22:49:00.000+11:00

I was lucky enough to attend the premiere of the much anticipated Spike Jonze film Where the Wild Things Are last night at Melbourne Central. Co-produced by Warner Bros Pictures and Village Roadshow Pictures, the film is an adaptation of Maurice Sendak's children's book of the same name and was filmed in Victoria, Australia after a worldwide location scouting process spanning 18 months.

Max is a mischievous young boy. Frustrated with his family and feeling alone, he escapes to an island of his own creation. The inhabitants of the island are giant, wild creatures who crown Max as their King. It's a story of childhood, but not necessarily for children. It's a fantastical tale, but not necessarily with a happy ending.

To be honest, I have never read the children's book - it was the soundtrack by Karen O. (from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs) that drew me to the film. I sat down in the theatre with no expectations, no pre-conceived ideas and no knowledge of how the story might end.

Where the Wild Things Are is dark and it's sorrowful and it's full of rage and confusion. Young actor Max Records plays the main character perfectly. He barely needs dialogue to express the painful disappointment of youth and the realisation that growing up brings no relief. His interactions with the monster Carol (voiced by James Gandolfini) are raw and wonderfully animalistic.

There are some great insights into the psychology of aggression and the development of personality in this story. Max's "island escape" gives him only fleeting relief while he deals with the facets of his own personality (represented by the monsters). Eventually his dark side catches up with him there too and he has to understand and challenge his own feelings before he can move on.

The film is sad. It's really, very sad. It's beautifully, heart-breakingly sad. I sat on the tram afterward enveloped in that numbing sadness ... but surprisingly - it's not a downer. There is something really uplifting about embracing that dark-side and playing with it and taking chances and Max is, after all, a hero and we watch and wait for him to conquer all.

Somehow though, even his smile tugs at your heart-strings.

Please go see this on the big screen, I simply adored it. The cinematography is amazing and the locations truly look like they're from another world. There's a great little video about the Victorian locations here.

The official website for the film is here.

Where the Wild Things Are is in cinemas this Thursday the 3rd of December.

Mr and Mrs Edelsten

2009-11-30T22:13:00.000+11:00

Unless you've been living in a cave you will have heard about the abomination that is the Goeffrey Edelsten and Brynne Gordon wedding. Supposedly it was the "social event of the year" for Melbourne - suggesting that the rest of the year must have been filled entirely with letter openings and high-school formals.

The Herald Sun has a front page pic above the banner today and the write-up made page 5. The Age put some pics on the back page in the Melbourne Life section and the commercial news programs are obviously having a field day with it.

So who the hell cares if some old gheezer with loads of cash marries his "work in progress" little lady in a lavish affair at the Crown casino? Few people had even heard of Mr Edelsten before the Brownlow ceremony this year, and those that had wished they could forget. And no one would ever have heard of Brynne Gordon if she hadn't stumbled across a horny old man and decided that sleeping with him was worth the millions of dollars he'd leave to her when he kicked the bucket in the not-too-distant-future.

Am I being nasty? Oh, they're getting their guests to give money to charity in lieu of gifts you say? Well going by the B-grade celeb guest list I'm not sure they'll be making anywhere near the 3 million it cost them to put on the bourgeois affair. I doubt that ex-Big-Brother-contestants and Neighbours stars will be emptying their pockets for charity - the donation basket was probably filled with autographed, glossy 8x10s rather than $100 bills.

When events like this become news I'm reminded of something a lecturer told me once; If all of the world were annihilated and just one newspaper/news program was recovered by aliens, what would they think of us as a human race?

An even more scary thought occured to me after seeing the new "disaster film to end all disaster films" 2010 - if you haven't seen it, there are ships that have been built to survive the end of the world and a ticket on the ship costs 1 billion dollars. It's scary because it's people like Mr and Mrs Edelsten that would be boarding that Contiki World-End Tour and *shudder* re-populating the world.

You want more evidence that the Edelsten couple should de-throne Bec and Lleyton Hewitt as King and Queen of the Bogans on the brilliant Things Bogans Like blog? Geoff is planning on opening a luxury "nip/tuck clinic" in ... wait for it ... Caroline Springs.

There, I said it. Bogans. Grade-A, sell-their-mother-for-a-bundy-and-coke Bogans. Should Bogans not celebrate their nuptuals in any way they please? I hear you ask. Well, yes, I suppose they can - but I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT AND IT ISN'T NEWS.

Enough. Now what's all this about a shit-fight in the Liberal Party and Tony Abbott wearing rocket-poppers?

(My apologies in advance for that last link - do not open if you have a weak stomach.)

2009-11-26T19:59:00.001+11:00

MAUVYRN3HF92

Changes for 2010

2009-11-23T11:34:00.000+11:00

It's the end of the year and both radio and tv stations are making changes. As we know, Rove will not be returning next year, or ever, on channel 10. Surprisingly Australian Idol will be coming back in 2010 despite bad ratings this year (though the finale last night was a ratings winner), along with the 7pm Project which will be aired twice a day over summer - with a repeat after the late news.

Channel 7 have a call-out for contestants for another series of Beauty and the Geek. The Einstein Factor and Sunday Arts are finishing up on the ABC. Media Watch will be back next year with Jonathan Holmes at the helm and Review with Myles Barlow has been funded for a second series.

On radio, the big news today is that Robbie, Marieke and the Doctor are finishing up this year as Triple J breakfast hosts. They will be replaced by the weekend hosts Tom and Alex. Tim Ross and Kate Ritchie are leaving their Nova 969 breakfast show - ending the long performance relationship between Merrick and Rosso. More locally, the Triple R breakfast show will be losing Sam Pang who is currently hosting the music quiz show ADBC on SBS.

She Sings the Verses

2009-11-13T18:00:00.001+11:00

I think it was the Pushover music festival in 1996 when I first saw Ella Hooper. Her voice had a rich, creamy thickness to it that stopped me in my tracks. I was actually on my way from the first aid tent where my friend's sprained ankle was being attended to. I was supposed to be getting a drink for said friend - but I had to listen to Killing Heidi's set before I could peel my converse from the sticky floor.

I have one of the orange Killing Heidi t-shirts from that year with a little space-girl on it - I found it again a little while ago. Needless to say, I am a fan of Killing Heidi, Ella Hooper and the Hoopers in general - so it was a delight, about a year ago, when Ella and brother Jesse started playing gigs around town as The Verses.

Today their four track, self-titled EP was released on iTunes. Ella's voice is still perfectly wonderful. If you're a fan of KH beware; The Verses have a delicious country sensibility - far removed from the rock sounds of KH. That being said, listening to The Verses may just give you the uncontrollable urge to buy a beat-up convertible and head on out to the open road - for a long drive to nowhere in particular.

The single "Forever More" oozes Fleetwood Mac - very apt seeing as The Verses will be supporting the Mac on their upcoming Australian tour. The intro has heavy drums and breathy vocals and the chorus has some kick-ass vocal harmonies that give it that 70's layered richness that the Mac are so famous for.

I really dig these four tracks, especially the first one "Everything at Once". I should also point out that I don't usually like country music - so don't let that deter you.

The Verses are going to be on high rotation at my place this summer.

White + Bogans = White Bogans

2009-11-10T22:28:00.001+11:00

For a long time now, the Stuff White People Like blog has been a favourite of mine. It is written by the brilliantly witty Christian Lander and talks about - you guessed it - stuff white people like. It is outrageously funny - but I haven't blogged it because it's not Australian, and I like to stick to Aussie media on this here site. Speaking of, here's Christian Lander talking about his blog, and now book, on Melbourne's Triple R breakfast show a few months ago.

So why am I blogging about it? Well, Stuff White People Like seems to have spawned an Australiana themed blog that is equally hilarious. And so it is time to share with you; Things Bogans Like.

Beginning with the explanation of the prototypical Bogan (Bec and Lleyton Hewitt - of course) it has since given a daily insight into the eccentricities of your garden-variety Australian Bogan. Highlights include #2 - Buddhist Iconography as Home Furnishings and #6 - Prefacing Racist Statements with 'I'm not racist but ...'.

It's only up to #22 so it's a great time to jump on board and get your daily fix of funny. The facebook page already has 1,835 fans and from the comments section both the Bogans and non-Bogans are embracing the site.

Not so Good Charlotte

2009-11-10T19:50:00.000+11:00

Well the Madden boys of Good Charlotte fame are in town this week and have discovered a none too well kept Australian secret; Jo Stanley is utterly intolerable.

The boys were at Fox 101.9 this morning for an interview on the Matt & Jo show and weren't too impressed with the line of questioning. After walking out on the show Joel tweeted;

Most of the time I can put up with idiot morning show hosts but not today. I guess I have finally found some Aussies I don't get on with.

It's okay Joel - we all feel the same way.

It's OK! not to have the goss.

2009-11-05T14:05:00.000+11:00

This morning I happened upon the editor of OK! magazine Claire Isaac doing a spot on 9am with David and Kim (channel 10).

Isaac was discussing the latest edition of the mag which features a one on one interview with Kyle Sandilands at home with his wife. She was saying what a lovely, kind-hearted person he is (vomit) and that he had just got back from the US.

She said that he spends a lot of time in the US because his wife Tamara has work over there ... umm ... according to The Daily Telegraph, Kyle himself is actually doing a TV show in the US with Brian McFadden - a simple Google search could have told her that - here's the story. Of course, that news broke after the magazine story was written so obviously Isaac can't be expected to know about it! Who researches a person they're going on national television to talk about? Ludicrous!

I would have thought The Daily Telegraph and OK! magazine would be good friends seeing as they both spin absolute crap.

Not so Good Game

2009-11-02T19:10:00.004+11:00

A furor has erupted over the ousting of ABC's Good Game co-host Jeremy Ray, known as "Junglist" (above left). He was given his walking papers last month from the host position and has this week had a fair bit to say about the reasons for the axing.

According to him, he was given the boot because ABC execs. wanted a female co-host to gain "mass appeal". However the ABC has stated "performance-based" reasons for the parting of ways.

Articles on online news websites have had hundreds of comments supporting Junglist and questioning his replacement. The young, attractive blonde Stephanie Bendixsen (Hex) co-hosted her first episode last Monday with founding host Steven O'Donnell (Bajo).

Here is the official statement on the Good Game forums.

Comments on the official forum and the news site are suggesting that the producers have replaced Junglist with an attractive girl in an attempt to gain a new audience. I think this comment on news.com.au says it all;

Hex did an okay job of presenting on Monday's episode but she doesn't have anywhere near the gaming experience, interest or skill as Junglist. Another disconcerting aspect to her performance is the way she looks at the camera (screen shot from Monday's show);

Someone has their "sexy" face on. She is certainly an attractive young girl and it's unfortunate for her that she has entered the hosting position on such negative terms. The die-hard Good Game fans don't seem to be ready to give her a chance if the forums and Facebook groups mean anything. There's even an online petition to return Junglist to the show.

Here's a comment from the official Good Game Facebook page yesterday;

It will be interesting to see if anything comes of the petitions and web-campaigns, after all, we saw the power of the Facebook group with the return of Hey Hey it's Saturday.

Myf's Coming up Roses

2009-10-30T21:52:00.002+11:00

Myf Warhurst has been writing a great column for The Age on Fridays. Correct me if I'm wrong though, but I have noticed a theme.

Myf is a wonderfully down-to-earth woman who is much more attractive than the majority of mindless bimbos we see in the media today - but she seems to be consistently writing columns steeped in self-loathing.

On October 9 she talked about celebrity food-critic and author Matt Preston insinuating that she was 'dumpy' by naming a cravat after her and describing it as "short and slightly wide". The first few sentences were heartbreaking;

I've had a few challenging moments this year. I got sacked from my job on commercial radio, nominated by a tabloid paper as worst dressed at the Logies, yelled at by a 12-year-old at the footy, "Hey, you're that fat slut from the telly", and told by a comedian that "a treadmill's not gonna save you, luv". He wasn't joking either. As you can imagine, my confidence hasn't been at an all-time high.

In her October 15 column she talked about baring all for art where she berated herself for being stupid enough to think getting naked in public wouldn't come back to bite her on the bum - so to speak.

Last weeks column was a lovely piece about becoming a crazy old cat-lady and today's describes her constant inadequacy when dressing for the races. Again, she has sold herself well short;

Hats look great on others but I feel stupid in them and they look stupid on me. We have nothing in common.
The compromise was a hair band decorated with what looked like peacock-coloured chook feathers. My intention was old world glamour. The result? More like dead pigeon stapled to a tiara.

The cravat column received 87 comments on the National Times website - the majority of which were reassuring Myf that she was, in actual fact, a deadset fox.

There's something so honest in Myf's telling tales of self-doubt. Few women could say that they're happy with the way they look - their weight, height, bra size or eye-colour. Not many would be happy to share those feelings with the world.

Good on her for being brave but hopefully future columns will see her shine like the star she is. She has certainly had some knocks this year as she stated, but I'm tired of the self-deprecating Myf - I want the confident, self-assured Myf back.

Goodbye to All Saints

2009-10-27T11:54:00.000+11:00

One of Australia's most successful dramas finishes its 12 year run tonight with the final of All Saints airing on channel 7 at 9:30pm tonight.

The show has been nominated for and won numerous Logie Awards, including five "most popular actress" nominations in a row for Georgie Parker from 1999 (she won it in 2001). The program won most popular Australian drama in 2001,2002 and 2003.

The popularity of the show has seen it reach audiences of more than 1.5 million viewers, the most popular period being the blossoming romance between former nun Nurse Terri Sullivan (Georgie Parker) and Dr Mitch Stevens (Erik Thomson). When Parker left the show in 2005 it lost many of its viewers, but there was one endearing character throughout the entire show, Nurse 'Von' Ryan (played by Judith McGrath) that held the cast together and played the cool, tell-it-like-it-is nurse that everyone grew to love.

Dr Frank Campion (John Howard) has been another unforgettable character along with Nelson Curtis (Paul Tassone) and Charlotte Beaumont (Tammy MacIntosh).

It's the end of another long-running Australian drama. Certainly All Saints had lost its way over the last few years with the flashy revamp and shift to emergency rescue rather than hospital drama but it has certainly made its mark on Australian television and given us some of our most watched storylines (and most heartbreaking character departures).

Here's the finale promo;

Looks set to be a tear-jerker.

7TWO finally!

2009-10-23T19:18:00.001+11:00

Channel 7 is finally launching it's digital channel 7TWO on November 1st. The website describes;

7TWO is more of what audiences love about Seven. More drama, more lifestyle, more reality, more comedy, more movies . . . more first class entertainment, free for everyone.

Programs include; Ugly Betty, Heroes, Lost, 24, The Sopranos, Six Feet Under, A Touch of Frost, Prime Suspect, Judge John Deed, Rosemary and Thyme, Minder, Coronation Street, The Martha Stewart Show and more.

I'm actually looking forward to Murphy Brown and Moonlighting (and I do have a penchant for Magnum PI). The Jay Leno show will also be aired at 6pm weeknights with AFL footy flashbacks on weekend mornings.

Further to this, viewers are promised;

Additional themed nights of programming include Action & Adventure, Lifestyle and Movies with the latter featuring an extensive catalogue of family titles from Disney’s studios.

It looks like there's not a whole lot of local content, much the same as channel 9's GO! with most programs from the US and UK.

Still, more channels means more variety ... I just wonder if this will encourage all those Australians who are yet to move to digital to take the plunge.

RIP Don Lane

2009-10-22T18:16:00.002+11:00

Entertainer Don Lane has died today aged 75 and there will no doubt be endless well-deserved tribute shows on Australian TV. The first is tonight on channel 9 at 8:30pm.

This is one of my favourite clips of Don singing the final number for the D-Gen's "The Late Show" finale.

Don has given so much to Australian television and I was saddened to hear of his passing today having grown up watching him on The Don Lane Show.

RIP Don Lane.

Gone Viral

2009-10-22T10:37:00.000+11:00

Peter Hitchener on channel 9 news has become the latest internet meme (or rather, his winged fried has);

Not so Punchy

2009-10-21T22:27:00.001+11:00

The Punch website vowed to "live blog" through tonight's first episode of John Safran's Race Relations on ABC1.

Well, what a heart-stopping, informative and poignant live blog it was - for example, there were gems like this;

And of course, there was this biting commentary from Punch blogger Tory Maguire;

Meanwhile, over on the ABC Mr Safran was reminding me why I hold him in such high esteem as a naughty, intelligent, witty documentary-maker.

Oh how I missed his work.

Like a true addict, I'm off to watch my box set of John Safran Versus God.

* Oh, and Racebook? Pure brilliance.

Safran Takes a Punch

2009-10-21T20:36:00.000+11:00

ABC's head of television has advised conservative viewers to steer clear of John Safran's Race Relations tonight on ABC1.

Whilst warning those sensitive folk away, Kim Dalton did defend the show and its ideas;

"Innovation necessarily involves a willingness to take risks, to be inventive and open to fresh ideas ... It also means pushing boundaries - boundaries that some, often many, would prefer not to be pushed."

The Punch website not only published the commentary but will be blogging throughout the show tonight.

Trash TV

2009-10-20T22:46:00.001+11:00

For the purposes of this blog I try to watch as much Australian tv as I can handle. If I'm at home and there's something programmed, I'll take a look at it. In many circumstances, it's very rewarding - the new season of East West 101 on SBS, for example, blows all those Crime Scene Investigation *insert name of US city here* shows out of the water.

Sometimes however, it's a painful exercise in discovering why the rest of the world thinks Australia is entirely populated by neanderthal half-wits who think Blackface skits are hilarious.

Aussie Ladette to Lady on channel 9 is beyond horrible. I suppose I shouldn't expect much from the channel that brings us The Footy Show and Two and a Half Men but this is seriously shove-your-fingers-down-your-throat, scrub-your-skin-raw-with-Solvol-soap, scoop-your-eyes-out-with-a-spoon horrible.

Both the girls and their 'teachers' are revolting in so many ways. The girls (obviously amping up their disguisting behaviour for the cameras) are creatures that defy evolution. How can people like this exist? They don't need deportment lessons, they need to be euthenaised.

Their teachers are archaic dinosaurs from yesteryear clinging on to irrelevant customs and patriarchal ideals. "What man would ever want you?" - as if a man's attention is the only thing that truly makes a woman worthwhile. Perhaps they should be teaching them how to get a job rather than how to bake a tart for their future husband.

I don't understand what the viewer is supposed to be feeling; are we supposed to be amused? shocked? Are we supposed to feel sorry for the poor, uneducated darlings? In the words of another English 'lady'; We are not amused.

Besides all the other obvious reasons as to why this show is utterly unwatchable - I just can't handle all those British smiles. I spent the whole 15 minutes before I changed the channel in disgust wondering how the English aristocracy have still not discovered the readily available science of dentistry.

15 minutes was too long.

As Day Follows Night

2009-10-17T15:47:00.009+11:00

For some time now I've been patiently waiting to listen to the new Sarah Blasko album As Day Follows Night.

I know, it's been out since July, but after hearing the first single I didn't want to listen to the whole thing until I could hear it on vinyl - so today I went to Polyester Records on Brunswick Street and made my long-awaited purchase.

I was not disappointed. There's something about that wholesome record scratch that works so well with Sarah's husky voice. This album is another gem - following from two previous albums The Overture and the Underscore and What the Sea Wants the Sea Will Have.

There are no filler tracks (songs that aren't brilliant but are put on the record to make up numbers). Each and every one is beautifully engaging. Side 2 of the album reminded me of Suzanne Vega's 1996 album Nine Objects of Desire - especially the songs Lost & Defeated and Over and Over (the last verse of which is from Talking Heads "Road to Nowhere"). There's that strong drum and solid vocal sound reminiscent of Vega in her prime.

Blasko's voice is haunting and warm and rich and delicious - which is why I wanted to listen to it on record - nothing quite gives you that 'sitting right next to you' sound as well as vinyl does.

My favourite tracks are the opening Down On Love and the first single We Won’t Run. Unfortunately with the record you don't get the bonus tracks which include Sarah's popular cover of Xanadu.

As usual the video clips have that quirky Blasko touch that is so endearing. Here's All I Want;

Do yourself a favour - put on the record, pour yourself a glass of wine and visit Sarah's beautiful world for a little while. If only there were frequent flyer points - I've already visited 4 times today.

* Sarah's finishing up her Australian tour and is off to New Zealand. She'll be back for Homebake and the Falls Festival in December. She's been nominated for five Aria awards which are on the 26th of November.

Tweet Tweet

2009-10-17T10:09:00.003+11:00

Look! There's something new in the sidebar!

You can now follow Screamedia on Twitter.

If you thought your life was complete before - you were wrong. Very wrong. Let me show you how wrong you were.

Moral Panic Outrage

2009-10-15T19:42:00.006+11:00

Hungry Beast did a great little piece on public outrage in this week's episode on ABC1. It outlined the process of moral panic amongst the general public.

I thought it was particularly interesting seeing all the fuss today about John Safran's new show Race Relations, set to start next week on ABC1. The Herald Sun had a poll asking if Safran's new show "breached boundaries of decency" - never mind that the show hasn't actually gone to air yet - the Australian public should be able to formulate a well-founded opinion based on ... well ... the Herald Sun article containing the poll, I assume.

On channel 10's The 7pm Project tonight they ran the story of the public's outrage over Race Relations. Dave Hughes pointed out that the Herald Sun poll earlier that day was 70% against the show and Safran's style of humour.

The poll at 8:11pm looked something like this;

So the cycle goes on and the moral panic continues tomorrow when those reacting to Dave Hughes' statement punch their fists proudly in the air and shout "Yeah! Me too!"

*** *** ***

Is it just me or is the moral panic becoming somewhat absurd? The fact that every little public event, performance, letter-opening or sneeze is being picked apart by Ma and Pa kettle is making it very difficult to make pleasant conversation at the water-cooler.

Example 1 - Today at work;

Me: "Hi, how are you?"
Pa Kettle: "Yeah good. Did you see that crap about hitting your kids with a wooden spoon? A bit of discipline never hurt anyone I say."
Me: (stupidly) "Could using a weapon to discipline them be a bit harsh though?"
Pa Kettle: "What?! A wooden spoon's not a weapon! Use whatever you need I say. Kids these days." (shakes head)

Example 2 - Later in the afternoon;

Ma kettle: "Can you believe that John Safran?"
Me: (stupidly) "What's going on?"
Ma kettle: "He's doing a blackface sketch on his new show!"
Me: "Hang on. But I thought the majority of Australia was for blackface humour?" (Could I have possibly misconstrued the 350 comments on The Daily Telegraph article last week?)
Ma kettle: "He's a disgrace that's what he is! They should take him off tv!"
Me: "But are you just saying that because you hate Jews?"
Ma kettle: "What?! he's Jewish too?"

Is all this outrage - directed at pretty much anything - making the issues that are actually worthy of discussion seem a bit, well, stupid? How can I be legitimately offended by the blackface skit if I don't really care whether dwarves dress up as jockeys and ride some crowd members at a racing carnival? If I have a penchant for skinny Jewish boys making fun of organised religion does that mean I should be all for hitting my child with random kitchen utensils?

... hang on, or should that be the other way around?

It seems like Australia is choosing sides and the battle lines aren't very well drawn out. Beware Australia; the water-cooler is no longer a safe place.

* One more thing; are all those people that joined the "I'm a fan of spooning" group on Facebook feeling awkward?

Loser Hayley

2009-10-13T17:21:00.002+11:00

Ex-swimmer Hayley Lewis has just been announced as the host of the new season of channel 10's The Biggest Loser.

Previous host Ajay Rochester "quit" the show after a much-publicised brush with the law. She had been host of the show since 2006.

The Biggest Loser returns on February 1st, this year with 10 couples competing.

Always wondered about radio ratings?

2009-10-13T13:48:00.004+11:00

I love this little ditty presented at the Australian Commercial Radio Awards on the weekend where those lovable lads Hamish and Andy cleaned up as expected.

This piece was produced by Merrick and Rosso and explains how the Neilson polls really work (found through Mumbrella);

and another thing ...

2009-10-10T22:04:00.005+11:00

Nine's digital channel GO! is airing the two Hey Hey it's Saturday specials back to back tonight (-some form of strange and unusual torture?) and I just switched over to find Daryl throwing to a break with a performance from New Zealand singer Ricky May with a song he wrote "especially for this program".

Now correct me if I'm wrong but that kind of insinuates that Ricky wrote the song for the reunion program ... except that Ricky died of a heart attack in 1988.

In the first special there was the awkward Maurie Fields moment (excerpt from previous post);

The "Great Aussie Joke" segment was a jaw-dropping affair. It seems the folk at channel 9 decided to bring Maurie Fields (who died in 1995) back from the dead without advising the viewers. It was an awkward moment of father/son joke telling with Maurie's son Marty sitting beside his father thanks to some fancy graphics. It might have actually been a good segment were it not for the fact that Maurie passed away so very long ago and many viewers nowadays (watching for the first time) would have no idea who he was.

Again Daryl has nonchalantly thrown to a dead person without mentioning he's deceased - and Ricky died years before Maurie so there's even less chance that the Facebook fanatics that rallied for the return of the program would be likely to know who he was.

Interestingly the controversial Red Faces performance was edited out of the replay. The twitterati weren't happy with their 'Aussie humour' being censored - they probably wanted to revel in their 'win' over those 'pc-pariahs' one more time. Public opinion has shown that a whole lot of Australians think the skit was completely acceptable - as Todd Sampson said on Q&A on Thursday;

I think we have stuffed our heads up our butts if we don't think racism is an issue in Australia (...) I've lived in four continents, I've lived in six different countries and I have to say, not everyone, because it would be a sweeping generalisation, but racism is definitely and firmly an issue in Australia.

Other notably horrific moments from the second Hey Hey program were;

The young man who decided to get a tattoo of Plucka Duck on his chest. People tell you that you'll regret your tattoos when your older - I think it's safe to say this guy will be holding a hot iron to his chest within a few years.

Darly Somers.

Jo Beth Taylor's dress - or lack thereof. Did someone tell her that she would be sitting on a stool and not behind a desk? Thankfully it was on later in the evening so the Sharon Stone moment didn't breach any broadcasting laws.

Daryl Somers.

Jackie McDonalds plastic surgery and wig. What happened to ageing gracefully?

Did I mention Daryl Somers?

I could only handle the second show in pieces so I missed a whole lot of it. I'm pretty sure Daryl mentioned that it was the last show EVER around seventeen hundred times. Will he be proved a liar?

Beauty and the Geek

2009-10-08T21:38:00.006+11:00

Hmm, what can one say about channel 7's Beauty and the Geek? Let's see, there are some vacuous beauties that have more interest in the Women's Suffrage Movement than they have brain cells (i.e. none) and a bunch of horny post-grad boys with their hands firmly in their pockets.

It's introduced as a 'wacky social expiriment' but those of us more discerning folk might more accurately assess it as an excuse for commercial television to objectify women and make fun of unnatractive men. Cynical? Me? Never.

Here's the thing though; the 'beauties' are begging to be objectified (you can just see the girls arguing in the limo about which one will be offered the most money to do an FHM spread once booted off the show) and if the 'geeks' were truly intelligent they would have run from the house screaming on day one. For the record, a photographic memory does not an intellect make.

For one whole hour the hot girls say stupid things and the awkward boys tell them how brilliant they are. The only benefit I can see of this program is that all those computer-loving, nerdish lads across Australia that are too shy to talk to the ladies will realise that all they need do to get to third base with girls like these is tell them their fluorescent orange fake-tan looks really natural. (Hot tip lads - you heard it here.)

Maybe parents can watch it with their children in an attempt to scare them in to higher education - my particular favourite was one beauty's self-assessment as an "11 out of 10" in the looks department - even without her makeup! She definitely has a 10 out of 10 body, but that accurately leaves just 1 for her face.

Meow!

A girlfriend of mine recently told me (quite rightly) that it's terrible how we women pick each other apart and perpetuate the evaluation of a woman's worth as relative to her appearance - but so far these women have offered no other redeeming features as criteria for an assessment.

I would love to be proved wrong. Unfortunately I'm not certain I could sit through another episode.

After 60 minutes of idiotic giggling and declarations of love to strangers ("Awwww, I love you's guys so much! I don't want ANYone to leave!") I was so dissapointed in my own sex it was a relief to switch over to the ABC and Germaine Greer on Q&A.

Just Beastly

2009-10-08T10:15:00.005+11:00

Something that made Hey Hey's attempt at race relations last night even more poignant was the contrast of it and another little program over on ABC1. Whilst Daryl was blubbering through an insincere apology to Harry Connick Jnr and his 'countrymen' I was pondering the episode of Hungry Beast that had aired at 9pm on the public broadcaster. In the one corner we have a heavyweight champion of old - still pulling the crowd but lacking athletic ability. In the other corner we have a lightweight - not yet ready to play with the big boys but certainly fast on his feet.

Hungry Beast is a melting pot of young talent - some of the segments are painfully amateur, some of them are spot on. The interview with Private Benjamin Ranaoudo's family was a really well-done, poignant piece of television. To then change stations and see the abomination of all that is good taste was a serious reality check.

Kate Langbroek said it best this morning on Nova radio - we all know what the swastika means, and although it might not have affected us we still know that it is wrong to make jokes about it and what it represents.

The media is all over the incident this morning and the responses are varied. There's nothing like a media scandal to bring out the racist, ignorant, uneducated masses who have an opinion and aren't afraid to voice it in all it's bad-grammared nonsensical glory.

Case in point, in the The Daily Telegraph, "gazza of pananina (sic)" wrote;

had harry not been on the show nothing would have been said, and everything would of been just pased over instead of a over reaction,

Then there was this gem from "tia-maria of south coast (sic)";

personally dont watch the show but have in the past now and again......... But as far as the "RED FACE" act i looked at the group and they came across in good taste they were dress nicely...... So in saying that Harry Connick Jr. your the one out of step here.....no RACIST by this act group playing of Jackson5 so just maybe the Americians have a bitch of a problem over there we dont .......SO MAYBE HARRY YOUR THE ONE THAT SHOULD APOLOGISE.....FUTHER MORE WHY DIDNT HHIS KEEP THE JUSGES HERE IN AUSSIE LAND AND JUST MAYBE WE HAVE THIS TO TARNISH THE SHOW IN ANYWAY.

Many people agree with Gazza and Tia and are happy to live in their "non-pc" bubbles. The thing is that, much the same as the Kyle Sandilands lie-detector incident, it comes down to the producers - who let the act get past the audition? Surely someone with some sense could see that this might be a problematic "all in good fun" representation of the Jackson Five?

I'm glad I lost interest in Hey Hey and switched over to Hungry Beast - I managed to catch some fresh, new, exciting television before being dragged back to reality by the dinasaurs at channel 9.

Hey Hey it's Racist

2009-10-07T22:04:00.007+11:00

Well, well, well, the second installment of Hey Hey the reunion aired tonight and what do you know? Just like when it was on the air way back when, I lost interest and changed the channel (I'm a fickle little thing).

However, my interest was recaptured when I decided to check how Twitter was traveling with the #heyhey tag (number 1 trending topic as suspected) to find this;

So what happened? From what I can piece together, there was a Red Faces act that was a send-up of the Jackson Five that included a 'blackface' routine - classy, I know. Harry Connick Jnr was a judge and was suitably horrified, stating "If I were home it'd be 'Hey Hey No More Show'."

I particularly liked this response;
Daryl apologised to Harry Connick Jnr at the end of the show and Harry spoke about the struggle of black people in America and how representing them as buffoons is not acceptable. Harry also said that if he'd known the act would be on the show he would not have appeared. Interestingly, Daryl said something along the lines of "we realised that this sort of act might be offensive to your countrymen" - sorry? They're not the only people it's offensive to Daryl - you may have noticed it's not 1950.

I look forward to seeing the reviews tomorrow.

Not a Good Night - Definition of Irony

2009-10-06T19:18:00.008+11:00

The 7pm Project tonight (on channel 10) had a story about the sexualisation of children after Australian author Maggie Hamilton released the results of a year long study into young girls' milestone life events.

They had a guest lobbyist, Julie Gale from the group Kids Free 2B Kids on the show to discuss the issue - who, I might add, was asked idiotic questions by guest panelist Jo Stanley (example; "What's wrooooong with an 11 year old girl getting a Brazilian though? If she wants one who caaaaaares?").

Now, to the ironic part - after the break, Myf Warhurst did an interview with The Black Eyed Peas - those wonderful role-models of all that is tasteful and appropriate.

To be honest I never really had an opinion of The Black Eyed Peas - until I saw the video clip for their song "I Got a Feelin'". Let me break it down for you. The clip shows a bunch of girls dressing up like hookers, getting smashed at a party, making out (read 'having sex') with random people and eventually passing out in a gutter.

That's a good night.

Of course there are much more graphic video clips out there and I'm not saying it's a bad thing or that sexy clips should be banned - on the contrary, but this particular clip is played on Video Hits at 10am on a Saturday - and my 5 year old niece thinks The Black Eyed Peas are fantastic.

The point Julie Gale was trying to make was that young girls are inundated with sexual images and are developing a warped sense of self as a result.

Maybe The 7pm Project should stick to less serious news stories so the panels bad jokes, ridiculous comments and obvious lack of knowledge about serious topics aren't so out of place.

Tony Martin, Jon Faine and Daniel Kitson

2009-10-06T18:04:00.005+11:00

Could you ask for anything more? This morning Jon Faine had co-host Tony Martin in the studio for his Conversation Hour on ABC Radio Melbourne (774). They were joined by UK comedian Daniel Kitson - and of course, hilarity ensued. You can listen here.

Martin is currently promoting his new book of memoirs A Nest of Occasionals (following from his 2005 book Lolly Scramble) and Kitson is touring Australia with his latest stand-up show We Are Gathered Here.

Last time Kitson was in town I managed to catch one of his shows in the Triple R performance space and was thoroughly entertained. He's in Melbourne now as part of the Fringe Festival. Details for Adelaide and Perth are here (along with podcasts of previous shows).

Martin will be on ADbc on SBS this Thursday at 9pm.

Ten in the Pink

2009-10-02T19:33:00.003+10:00

Australia loves Pink. The fact that I don't have to clarify that I'm talking about the singer and not the colour is testament to that. But how 'Pink' can we get? When digital radio was launched earlier in the year there was an entire station devoted to Pink. At first it was just Pink songs, then when the fact that playing songs from just 5 albums might become a bit repetitive sunk in, the station started playing Pink-inspired music - that's music that Pink likes, and music that's like Pink.

So it's not completely surprising to learn that channel 10's Australian Idol is doing a 'Pink' show this Sunday. That's right, an entire night of the contestants singing Pink songs.

Let's put this in perspective; previously Aus. Idol has done Beatles night, 80's night, disco night, Australian artist night, number 1 hit night, etc, etc. There has never been a Christina Aguilera night, or a Britney Spears night, or even an Anastasia night - you remember - that loud, rambunctious singer that wasn't hugely popular in her own country but made a killing over here?

Don't get me wrong, I think Pink is better than the average pop-singer and I've heard rave reviews of her Funhouse tour from even the most hardened music-elitist - I just think this is one of the most bizarre things the Australian Idol gang have done to try and boost the shameful ratings this season. Introducing a new judge? understandable. Changing the timeslot? Okay. Having a Pink night? Just skip to the Opera House already.
Meanwhile, pocket-rocket Sabrina got the boot last week and 'told-all' to Sydney's Daily Telegraph 'confidential' blog. She said that she misses Kyle and described him as "witty and funny" - clearly the trauma of being evicted has effected her logic.

Questions Answered and Then Some

2009-10-01T22:31:00.004+10:00

Tonights Q&A on ABC was an edge-of-the-seat thriller. British author, journalist, literary critic and political observer Christopher Hitchens was a force to be reckoned with as he shot down in flames both his fellow panelists and those audience members that dared to question his commentary.

It's not often that the very intelligent and quick-witted Waleed Aly comes out second best in a debate but Hitchens was hard to beat tonight on topics such as the Israel/Palestine conflict, same-sex marriage and the treatment of women in Iran.

The video should be on the website soon, so if you missed it tonight, you can take a look at some really fresh, thought-provoking and exciting television - no Plucka Duck in sight, I promise.

(And look out next week for more sparks from Germaine Greer.)

* there is also a brilliant little Political Dictionary page on the Q&A site which is definitely good for a giggle.

Hey Hey the Verdict

2009-09-30T19:43:00.008+10:00

Yes, I sat through the whole THREE hours of it. I did have aspirin and booze at the ready but surprisingly didn't use it - though it wasn't a completely pain-free experience.

Here's the run-down.

Unfortunately for everyone Darryl insisted on dancing AND singing and on telling his usual bad jokes. Besides that though - there were definitely some good moments, and there were some epic fails too. (If there was one person that didn't change channels during "Red Faces" I want to meet that person - and have them commited).

After Darryl's intro where he stated that Hey Hey really wanted to showcase young, new Australian talent - he introduced Jimmy Barnes. Twitter was instantly abuzz with people saying they were expecting John Farnham, and lo and behold, after the ad break Darryl announced that Farnsy would indeed be on the show later. Farnsy was, however, in the middle of a concert in Queensland so Darryl spent the last hour of the show stalling a live cross so that he could say hi to John between songs.

Speaking of Twitter, within 10 minutes of the show being on air #heyhey was a trending topic. By the second ad break it was number 1. Of course the second ad break was not far from the first, or the third, or the many to follow - I think the show might actually have fit into a one hour special were it not for the constant breaks.

Hey Hey tried to show that it had moved with the times by mentioning the infamous Facebook group that started this whole debacle and an email address for people to send their well wishes. In fact, someone was "unbeknownst to channel 9" illegally streaming the show on the internet which interestingly allowed Darryl to cross live to a woman in Michigan, USA - but it wasn't planned of course and nobody knew those naughty scamps would be streaming *wink wink*.

The show stuck to tradition by having b-grade celebs for the segments - the puffin-muffin girl (from the iSelect health insurance ads) was one third of the panel for "Celebrity Head" and pop-singer Cassie Davis (Cassie who? I hear you say) was a judge on Red Faces.

The hot competition for the night, Masterchef, had been mentioned three times in the first half hour - it was as if they were daring people to switch over. Even worse, there was a skit by Russell Gilbert called "Disaster Chef" that was painfully unfunny. In fact, Russell was as bad as he ever was - with his toilet humour and outdated jokes, his gags went down like a kebab-caravan-6am-special.

Particularly awkward moments (besides every second Russell Gilbert was on screen)? The "Great Aussie Joke" segment was a jaw-dropping affair. It seems the folk at channel 9 decided to bring Maurie Fields (who died in 1995) back from the dead without advising the viewers. It was an awkward moment of father/son joke telling with Maurie's son Marty sitting beside his father thanks to some fancy graphics (a la Nat King Cole and Natalie Cole in the "Unforgettable" video clip). It might have actually been a good segment were it not for the fact that Maurie passed away so very long ago and many viewers nowadays (watching for the first time) would have no idea who he was.

Livinia Nixon should stick to weather. She's a lovely girl but has nothing interesting to say - and she did encourage Darryl to dance - which I'm pretty sure is a chargeable offence.

There had to be a major fashion faux pa and that award goes to Cassie Davis and the badly-ripped-jeans. It seems she was channelling a fashion tragedy from the last time Hey Hey was on tv.

Highlights? There were a few. John Farnham singing "Freedom" - I know, it's horribly daggy of me but I just love him, I can't help it. I've always loved him. I've got "Whispering Jack" on vinyl okay? There, I said it. Judge me as you will.

Molly's Melodrama was definitely a highlight. Molly is a national treasure in my opinion and watching him bluff his way through his segment it was as if he'd never left the studio. John Blackman is as quick-witted as ever and he and Molly bounced off each other well. In fact, Molly was all over tv tonight - also starring on the panel of ABC music quiz show Spicks and Specks at 8:30pm.

Speaking of national treasures, Brian Nankervis as beat poet Raymond J. Bartholomew was simply brilliant (currently on Rockwiz on SBS). It was the first laugh-out-loud moment of the evening for me - how does Brian Nankervis not have his own tv show?

Perhaps because I had such low expectations, I could say that all in all it was a pleasant few hours of nostalgia - but it was really as if the show had never been off the air. To be honest, I don't care if they bring it back as a weekly show, because it can only mean that channel 9 will program less Two and a Half Men.

Chas Licciardello from The Chaser said it best on Twitter;

Big Night on the Box

2009-09-30T17:08:00.003+10:00

Well the big day has arrived - there are some serious decisions to be made tonight with several shows competing for your attention on free to air tv.

First of all, there is the much publicized, much gossiped about, much anticipated Hey Hey it's Saturday The Reunion, running a whopping two and a half hours from 7:30pm on channel 9.

Channel 10 has the debut of the special celebrity version of it's powerhouse Masterchef, from 7:30pm.

Over on the national broadcaster at 9pm is the much-anticipated (for all the right reasons), Hungry Beast - Andrew Denton's production company Zapruder's Other Films did a call out earlier in the year for young media talent to create a current affairs type show with a difference - and this is the result.

Channel 7 have gone with World's Strictest Parents and City Homicide - which is either conceding defeat or giving it their best - who can really tell?

The real item-of-interest for me is the Hey Hey special. I truly want it to be something special but fear that it may be memorable for all the wrong reasons. When discussing tonight's line-up with a friend I insisted that she watch at least part of the Hey Hey special - because it's history either way - whether it's so bad it gets taken off air half way through, or it's so good that it heralds a new boost in light entertainment and local funding for Australian tv.

Clearly everyone is expecting the former rather than the latter - but channel 9 will certainly have their fingers crossed.

Coming to a Television Near You

2009-09-28T07:20:00.000+10:00