Back to Reality

Channel 7 is currently holding auditions for its reality show Beauty and the Geek which picked up a pretty good following last year. I'm sure you'll be shocked to hear that I didn't like it. 

Of course I will watch the first episode because I love being outraged and shocked - confession: sometimes I switch over to Melbourne Talk Radio just to feel my blood pressure rise - it's less effort than exercise and if I listen for long enough I might even throw up and lose a few kgs.

So, reality tv.

I've been keeping up with Masterchef this season. By 'keeping up' I mean switching over in the last 10 minutes to see the taste-testing and elimination. Someone told me a few weeks ago who ends up in the final three so it's no real joy now - mind you, blind Freddy could probably guess them after all the 'favouritism' talk from boned contestants. 

Masterchef's managed to consistently be covered in the tabloid press thanks to a few nobody-even-cares-you're-just-putting-it-in-the-news-as-free-PR type scandals - including the 're-plate-gate' affair. Is it really shocking that they re-plate the food for the cameras? Studio lights + cream-based desserts = liquid ugly ... and you'll be surprised to hear I'm not even a rocket scientist!

Channel 7's Australia's Got Talent has been the expected mixed-bag of freaks and weirdos. I'm sure there has been the occasional talented moth to the flame but I haven't followed closely enough to know if they got through - looking at the judges, I sincerely doubt it. The bits that I have seen have been horrific. I had much more fun watching a repeat of Popstars this morning at 1:30am. Did people really dress like that in the 90s? I don't remember owning a top that was a handkerchief in the front held by pieces of string across the back ... then again maybe I did and have used selective memory to block it out.

Speaking of pieces of material being held together with string, Dancing with the Stars will be back on air soon. Oh what joy, oh what celebration (where's that sarcastic font when you need it). Have you seen the contestant list? One commenter on the channel 7 forum stated quite rightly that someone should sue the station for false advertising. There are maybe one or two people that might fit the description of 'star' but otherwise, the cast is populated with people that aren't even loosely related to stars. 

Alex Fevola is an ex-WAG who's only claim to fame is being cheated on by an AFL player. Whoop! Hold the phone; she has published a coffee-table book! Phew, that justifies that then. Tamara Jaber is the wife (read "PR pet-project") of a man who is famous for being a wanker and/or being dumped from a reality show judging panel. Loooong bow people.  

The most entertaining thing about the show is reading the creative license taken in the bios of the supposed stars. My favourite is Jo Beth Taylor;

Jo Beth Taylor – dancing with Dannial Gosper
Beginning her singing career at the tender age of five, Jo Beth Taylor began performing professionally at the age of 13. In the early 1990s she began a successful music and television career. At just 22 years of age, Jo Beth hosted three weekly tv shows making her the youngest person to ever host a prime-time show on Australian television.  

Right. So what's she been doing in the last 15 years? Way to focus on when she actually had a career - in 1994.

So, we have the usual mix of channel 7 'personalities', miscellaneous sports stars, a musician or two and some vaguely familiar faces (if only from the covers of FHM next to the Kit Kats at the servo). There's no disabled person and no one particularly old or overweight so I'm not sure what the gimmick will be this year ... oh right ... the whole show. Australia, you so disappoint me.

So count me out again - I'm proud to say I've never watched a whole DWTS episode, let alone followed a series. I'd rather shower in acid with a sun-bed chaser. Speaking of which, be sure to look out for the 'natural' tans on the contestants of both DWTS and Beauty and the Geek.  

Baby it's Cold Outside

I love my laptop because it keeps my legs warm while I whinge on Twitter about how cold it is in my flat. I'm complicated like that.

Saturday night was one of Melbourne's coldest nights, with the mercury in the city sitting on 4 degrees in the wee morning hours. And while my spoiled arse was wrapped up in a doona dreaming of pancake stacks and ponies, around 23,000 Victorians were experiencing some form of homelessness. That's right, twenty-three THOUSAND, in Victoria.

SO WHAT'S THE BIG ISSUE?

Last year I had the pleasure of spending some time with several of Melbourne's The Big Issue vendors (as well as the brilliant editor, Alan Attwood and deputy editor, Melissa Cranenburgh). The vendors were strong, articulate, inspiring people. I try to buy the mag from a different seller every fortnight - mostly because I want to spread the love but also because having a chat with the seller always brightens my day. 

A few weeks ago I had a wonderful conversation about George Clooney's endearing charm with an equally charming vendor on Exhibition Street. A few weeks before that I purchased my Big Issue from a severely disabled woman outside Myer. As I approached with purse in hand I got a reassuring smile. I took the tattered magazine which she had been clutching tightly from her hand and helped her put the money in her bag. 

It was empty. 

I was the first person who had approached her all day and it was nearing 4pm. People had been walking past her as though she was invisible. I saw them turn their heads to look at nothing in the opposite direction or suddenly check their phone as if an important SMS just came through. 

I'm not wanting to brag about how awesome I am. I'm just as self-absorbed as the next person. But I was shocked at how many people clearly find it so confronting dealing with homeless or disabled people. 

The GiveNow website has a handy page that outlines some facts as well as ways to help.

Also, I created a short audio mash-up from my talks with The Big Issue peeps - you can have a listen here.

VINNIES CEO SLEEPOUT

The St Vincent de Paul Society in Victoria will be hosting the Vinnies CEO Sleepout next month on June 17th to raise money and community awareness for the important and escalating issue of homelessness.

More than 40 Victorian CEOs and business and community leaders have signed up to give up their beds for the night and experience homelessness for themselves.

CEOs so far on the list include Guy Dobson (Austereo), Rhys Holleran (Southern Cross Media) and Eugene Arocca (North Melb. Football Club). They'll be joined by DMG Radio General Manager, Sam Thompson, ALP Victorian Branch State Secretary, Nicholas Reece and 2010 Australian of the Year, Professor Patrick McGorry.

You can get involved or sponsor a CEO at the website www.ceosleepout.org.au. For some added incentive you should know that the Sydney CEO Sleepout has raised more funds so far than the Melbourne one - come on Melbournians, it's a case of State vs State!

It's so easy to live inside our little bubbles with our headphones on and our faces buried in books (or checking Twitter on our iPhone) - but it's also easy to do something, however small, to assist those in our community that need help. 

I'll stop whinging about my lack of heating ... now.

 

One more thing, check out Rudely Interrupted's new single 'Close my Eyes' produced by Scope.

Why I hate Australian Rules

I hate AFL. I don't watch it, I'm not interested. 

One of the reasons I hate AFL is because it celebrates people like Jason Akermanis.  His article in today's Herald Sun made me want to smash my computer. 

How is it that this person, and people like him (I'm looking at you Sam Newman) have a public voice where they can spout their archaic, homophobic, misogynistic bullshit and the public lap it up like the archaic, homophobic, misogynistic lemmings that they are?

People like Jason Akermanis shouldn't have a public voice - because their opinions can't be backed up with anything even slightly tangible. Here is a supposedly heterosexual man  spouting some half-cocked idea about how he thinks gay people should lead their lives. He's not gay, he's not a psychologist, he's not a sociology major, he's not an expert in sexual health or in suicide prevention - he's a footballer, and that is all. He has no place to publicly comment on the issue of homosexuality in sport. He has no place commenting on anything other than football - the actual game - not whatever does or doesn't happen in the locker room.

Everyone has a right to their own opinion and everyone's opinions are more frequently heard thanks to new media. But Jason Akermanis' opinion is broadcast on commercial radio and printed in commercial newspapers. This gives him 'voice of God' status - meaning that to some people, his opinions are seen as fact. It also means that in the public sphere, other people who think his opinions are fantastic can stand up, pump their fist in the air and say "Yeah! I'm a homophobic asshole too and I say NO gays in sport!" - and they can feel that they are completely justified in saying this, because JASON AKERMANIS thinks so.

I've been trying to write this for a while now, but due to the fact that I am furious, disappointed and ... furious ... it is very difficult to be as articulate as I'd like to be. 

Jason Akermanis is a scared little man. Scared that a gay teammate might glance at him in the shower and he might feel a twinge in his nether regions - which would obviously make him gay. Scared that a group of people he has spent his life assuming were beneath him might actually stand up for themselves against him and people like him and prove that they collectively have more talent, intellect, guts and masculinity than he has in his little finger (or any other *little* appendage he might be compensating for).

I know that not all AFL players are idiots. This article by Adam Gooodes in The Age is excellent. Unlike Akermanis, Goodes actually can talk about Indigenous players because he actually has some experience being one.

I don't care how much Akermanis tries to defend his comments with "I don't hate the gays, some of my best friends are gay" type comments - he is a stupid little man with idiotic opinions that he should keep to himself. 

A fantastic response here from Jack Marx and Ian Roberts speaking on 2UE here. 

Here is the Western Bulldog's official response and I particularly like the photo advocate.com have chosen for their story.

The AFL Footy Show is, as I type, very formally backing away from Akermanis' comments - although Sam Newman's lisping pronunciation of 'homosexual' makes it quite clear what position he takes (- missionary, one would assume).

I want to hear informed, educated opinion from people who know what they're talking about - unfortunately the voices that we hear in Australian mainstream, commercial media are more often than not uneducated, uninformed, bigoted and downright idiotic. 

I'm off to watch Christopher Hitchens on Lateline. Thank Dog for Tony Jones. 

Let the study results show ...

So many things bothered me yesterday - to kick off a generally shitty day there was this tweet;

It struck me as a bit odd. I'm no mathematician, but one in three Australians saying they won't pay more to fight global warming means that two out of three would or were at least thinking about it - as in (and I'm sure this is already quite clear to you) the majority of Australians probably are willing to pay. 

Which means that the headline in the paper, rather than stating "We won't pay" should more accurately have said "We will pay for climate change".

In fact, the news.com.au article only gives the stats on the won't side of things. So we don't know how many respondents were willing to cough up some cash or even the metrics of the study (i.e. if there was an "undecided" option). 

Here's the Sydney Morning Herald's article on the study and here is where you can find the actual results of the study from the Institute of Public Affairs website. 

In fact, besides the 35% of respondents that said they wouldn't pay anything, it was only 3% of respondents that were undecided - leaving a massive 62% of respondents willing to pay between $100 and over $1000 in extra taxes to combat global warming.

I know, I shouldn't expect much from news ltd. 

I'm just saying, it annoyed me. But I'm not done yet.

THEN to finish my busy, stressful, almost insufferable day, I see this tweet;

I'm sure I don't need to say too much about why this one bothered me. 

Here's the two main reasons;

(1) Way to perpetuate stereotypes boys (and you know it was a man that did this study*). As if it needs to be reiterated that in popular culture large, mostly fake breasts draw more attention. I hope the follow-up study is about young women and plastic surgery, eating disorders, body dysmorphia, promiscuity and suicide.

(2) Could you waste time on a more useless topic? I'm pretty sure there's more important studies that could be done ... what about a study on why stupid American professors with no prospect of sex develop fixations on the mammary glands of the waitresses at their local Hooters so create a research project based on them in an attempt to initiate conversation and/or intercourse?

Take a breath. 

Right, so Twitter really got me riled up yesterday. I think I might do my own study on the number of times I slap myself in the forehead wondering how people so stupid manage to live and/or prosper.

Rant End.

* For the record, it was this guy. Professor in Food and Beverage Management eh?, nice title. I wonder if McDonald's has that doctorate in their education program.   

It Doesn't Blow

Chris Taylor and Andrew Hansen from The Chaser have a new project with Triple J called The Blow Parade.

It's a spoof radio program where each week "Captain Blow" (Andrew Hansen) looks at a year in pop-music. There are interviews, gossip, hilarious songs and some seriously dodgy characters.

I've just had a chance to listen to the first two episodes and was laughing out loud all through it. I really like the medium of radio for comedy - particularly scripted, creative comedy like this, it really gives you a chance to make of it what you will. - It helps that The Blow Parade is so tightly edited and well made too.

You can subscribe to the podcast here. The website has a bio, ringtones and a lovely ad for "Putney Currys" - the major sponsors of the show and supposedly a delicious topping for ice-cream. The best bit of the site though is by far the Quiz - do it.

Jolly good show chaps!

Build a Bridge: Logie Tweet-gate

The Logies on Sunday was the usual mess of bad jokes, pretty frocks, undeserving awards and golden moments (thank you Shaun Micallef). I never expect much from the event - if I don't fall asleep it's been a good show and if I'm not hiding behind the couch cringing at the overly-scripted "casual chatter" between presenters, even better.

But seemingly there are people out there that take the whole thing a little too seriously - besides the cast of Home & Away, who's only chance to prove to their parents that they indeed have 'made it' is to take home a "most popular male/female talent" award. There are viewers that are obviously a little too sensitive about their favourite soap/reality stars.

The Herald Sun today has shamed Melbourne comedian Catherine Deveny, calling her Logie tweets acid-tongued and offensive. Really? I thought they were hilarious. In fact, thanks to Deveny, Wil Anderson (who also got a spray from news ltd.) and a few others, the Logie broadcast was made almost bearable. 

What better topic for Australian comedians than our laughable rabble of 'celebrities' on their night of nights? John Mayer spends half his life saying stupid shit - we can't be shocked when he gets bagged for it. And seriously, Bindi Irwin? She's not so much a child as a social construction - there's nothing child-like about her, but for her appearance. In any case, comedy's hit and miss, what I find funny, others might not - but let me have my fun please - and I'll let you keep watching Hey Hey it's Saturday.

Meanwhile, the idiotic tweets of people wondering who KD Lang was and making snide remarks about the fact that she performed barefoot were far more offensive - here's the trick kids, when you actually have talent you don't need the pomp and circumstance of the Gabriela Cilmi number - you can just sing.

"Entertainment Reporter" Pete Timbs on The Circle this morning had a go at both Wil Anderson and Catherine Deveny. He said Wil was a "so-called" comedian (among other things) and was so disgusted by Deveny that he couldn't even talk about her tweets - though he did put a lovely picture of her on screen - nice one Dev. Besides the fact that Pete Timbs was once on a reality tv show generally populated by bogans and boof-heads, what exactly are his credentials to comment on media and/or celebrities? Ohhh, he works for TV Week you say? Well, that clears it up then.

Besides the Twitter storm-in-a-teacup the program wasn't all bad. Bert did a safe performance, KD Lang was amazing, Shaun Micallef shone every time he stepped on stage and tributes to Don Lane and Brian Naylor were respectful (though I'm not sure of Lane Jr. singing at every Australian media event ... we can stop that now, yes?)

Claudia Karvan looked stunning in classic lines - the diamond bracelet, the black gloves, the oh so revealing neckline, the wave in her hair. Perfection. Again, I'm not sure why the top story on news.com.au yesterday was that her nipple was slightly exposed when she leaned forward on the red carpet - it was the least of the 'reveal' issues of the night - I'm pretty sure you could see what Brynne Gordon ate for breakfast whether she was leaning forward or not.

Jessica Marais was gorgeous as usual, as was Margot Robbie. Ruby Rose looked like a contestant on Bret Michael's Rock of Love (and I don't mean that in a good way), though I loved her silver hair.

Overall it would have been a very dull night without Twitter - so I salute Wil, Catherine and the like and look forward to the next otherwise snore-fest event being made bearable by the T-wit-ter pros.

EDIT: Catherine Deveny's been fired from The Age ... what a load of crap. So utterly disappointing.