Thursday, September 24, 2009

Footballers Review

The grand final episode of the AFL Footy Show was on channel 9 tonight which included the footballer review - you know, the part where the boys dance around to various songs with a bunch of scantily clad gals making pelvic thrusting motions and simulating giving the boys blow-jobs?

First of all - I don't understand this at ALL. Sam Newman did a horrifying rendition of Singin' in the Rain, including out of sync miming and a possible fractured hip (-there goes the only part of his body that was still natural!) But the most disturbing part of the show was Shane Crawford dressed as an extra from Rocky Horror doing the Pink number So What? - except that he must have got his starlets mixed up because he was clearly channeling Lady Ga Ga by forgetting to wear pants. That's right - all he was wearing was a leather g-string ... and did I mention he was doing acrobatics whilst hanging from the ceiling? The looks of shock and awe on the faces of the audience made it quite clear that Crawford had outdone himself this year.

A few observations;
(1) I think the background dancers are all girls because the boys don't want to look 'gay'. They shouldn't worry - if they were gay they might actually have some style and/or talent.
(2) The background dancers are crap - is this an attempt to make the footballers look better? Or is this because they are only trained in pole-dancing and not freestyle?
(3) It seems there were less players involved this year - perhaps they were smart enough to watch the tapes from last year ... sober.

Every year I watch this abomonation thinking it couldn't possibly be worse than the year before but they just keep outdoing themselves. It's a not-to-be-missed, stick-a-fork-in-your-eye, visual atrocity of mass proportions. You just can't look away.

* I should also point out that my last three posts have been related to AFL - I apologise and it won't happen again.

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