Myf's Coming up Roses

Myf Warhurst has been writing a great column for The Age on Fridays. Correct me if I'm wrong though, but I have noticed a theme.

Myf is a wonderfully down-to-earth woman who is much more attractive than the majority of mindless bimbos we see in the media today - but she seems to be consistently writing columns steeped in self-loathing.

On October 9 she talked about celebrity food-critic and author Matt Preston insinuating that she was 'dumpy' by naming a cravat after her and describing it as "short and slightly wide". The first few sentences were heartbreaking;

I've had a few challenging moments this year. I got sacked from my job on commercial radio, nominated by a tabloid paper as worst dressed at the Logies, yelled at by a 12-year-old at the footy, "Hey, you're that fat slut from the telly", and told by a comedian that "a treadmill's not gonna save you, luv". He wasn't joking either. As you can imagine, my confidence hasn't been at an all-time high.

In her October 15 column she talked about baring all for art where she berated herself for being stupid enough to think getting naked in public wouldn't come back to bite her on the bum - so to speak.

Last weeks column was a lovely piece about becoming a crazy old cat-lady and today's describes her constant inadequacy when dressing for the races. Again, she has sold herself well short;

Hats look great on others but I feel stupid in them and they look stupid on me. We have nothing in common.
The compromise was a hair band decorated with what looked like peacock-coloured chook feathers. My intention was old world glamour. The result? More like dead pigeon stapled to a tiara.

The cravat column received 87 comments on the National Times website - the majority of which were reassuring Myf that she was, in actual fact, a deadset fox.

There's something so honest in Myf's telling tales of self-doubt. Few women could say that they're happy with the way they look - their weight, height, bra size or eye-colour. Not many would be happy to share those feelings with the world.

Good on her for being brave but hopefully future columns will see her shine like the star she is. She has certainly had some knocks this year as she stated, but I'm tired of the self-deprecating Myf - I want the confident, self-assured Myf back.

Goodbye to All Saints

One of Australia's most successful dramas finishes its 12 year run tonight with the final of All Saints airing on channel 7 at 9:30pm tonight.

The show has been nominated for and won numerous Logie Awards, including five "most popular actress" nominations in a row for Georgie Parker from 1999 (she won it in 2001). The program won most popular Australian drama in 2001,2002 and 2003.

The popularity of the show has seen it reach audiences of more than 1.5 million viewers, the most popular period being the blossoming romance between former nun Nurse Terri Sullivan (Georgie Parker) and Dr Mitch Stevens (Erik Thomson). When Parker left the show in 2005 it lost many of its viewers, but there was one endearing character throughout the entire show, Nurse 'Von' Ryan (played by Judith McGrath) that held the cast together and played the cool, tell-it-like-it-is nurse that everyone grew to love.

Dr Frank Campion (John Howard) has been another unforgettable character along with Nelson Curtis (Paul Tassone) and Charlotte Beaumont (Tammy MacIntosh).

It's the end of another long-running Australian drama. Certainly All Saints had lost its way over the last few years with the flashy revamp and shift to emergency rescue rather than hospital drama but it has certainly made its mark on Australian television and given us some of our most watched storylines (and most heartbreaking character departures).

Here's the finale promo;

Looks set to be a tear-jerker.

7TWO finally!

Channel 7 is finally launching it's digital channel 7TWO on November 1st. The website describes;

7TWO is more of what audiences love about Seven. More drama, more lifestyle, more reality, more comedy, more movies . . . more first class entertainment, free for everyone.

Programs include; Ugly Betty, Heroes, Lost, 24, The Sopranos, Six Feet Under, A Touch of Frost, Prime Suspect, Judge John Deed, Rosemary and Thyme, Minder, Coronation Street, The Martha Stewart Show and more.

I'm actually looking forward to Murphy Brown and Moonlighting (and I do have a penchant for Magnum PI). The Jay Leno show will also be aired at 6pm weeknights with AFL footy flashbacks on weekend mornings.

Further to this, viewers are promised;

Additional themed nights of programming include Action & Adventure, Lifestyle and Movies with the latter featuring an extensive catalogue of family titles from Disney’s studios.

It looks like there's not a whole lot of local content, much the same as channel 9's GO! with most programs from the US and UK.

Still, more channels means more variety ... I just wonder if this will encourage all those Australians who are yet to move to digital to take the plunge.

RIP Don Lane

Entertainer Don Lane has died today aged 75 and there will no doubt be endless well-deserved tribute shows on Australian TV. The first is tonight on channel 9 at 8:30pm.

This is one of my favourite clips of Don singing the final number for the D-Gen's "The Late Show" finale.



Don has given so much to Australian television and I was saddened to hear of his passing today having grown up watching him on The Don Lane Show.

RIP Don Lane.

Gone Viral

Peter Hitchener on channel 9 news has become the latest internet meme (or rather, his winged fried has);

Not so Punchy

The Punch website vowed to "live blog" through tonight's first episode of John Safran's Race Relations on ABC1.

Well, what a heart-stopping, informative and poignant live blog it was - for example, there were gems like this;

And of course, there was this biting commentary from Punch blogger Tory Maguire;

Meanwhile, over on the ABC Mr Safran was reminding me why I hold him in such high esteem as a naughty, intelligent, witty documentary-maker.

Oh how I missed his work.

Like a true addict, I'm off to watch my box set of John Safran Versus God.

* Oh, and Racebook? Pure brilliance.

Safran Takes a Punch

ABC's head of television has advised conservative viewers to steer clear of John Safran's Race Relations tonight on ABC1.

Whilst warning those sensitive folk away, Kim Dalton did defend the show and its ideas;

"Innovation necessarily involves a willingness to take risks, to be inventive and open to fresh ideas ... It also means pushing boundaries - boundaries that some, often many, would prefer not to be pushed."

The Punch website not only published the commentary but will be blogging throughout the show tonight.

Trash TV

For the purposes of this blog I try to watch as much Australian tv as I can handle. If I'm at home and there's something programmed, I'll take a look at it. In many circumstances, it's very rewarding - the new season of East West 101 on SBS, for example, blows all those Crime Scene Investigation *insert name of US city here* shows out of the water.

Sometimes however, it's a painful exercise in discovering why the rest of the world thinks Australia is entirely populated by neanderthal half-wits who think Blackface skits are hilarious. 

Aussie Ladette to Lady on channel 9 is beyond horrible. I suppose I shouldn't expect much from the channel that brings us The Footy Show and Two and a Half Men but this is seriously shove-your-fingers-down-your-throat, scrub-your-skin-raw-with-Solvol-soap, scoop-your-eyes-out-with-a-spoon horrible.

Both the girls and their 'teachers' are revolting in so many ways. The girls (obviously amping up their disguisting behaviour for the cameras) are creatures that defy evolution. How can people like this exist? They don't need deportment lessons, they need to be euthenaised.

Their teachers are archaic dinosaurs from yesteryear clinging on to irrelevant customs and patriarchal ideals. "What man would ever want you?" - as if a man's attention is the only thing that truly makes a woman worthwhile.  Perhaps they should be teaching them how to get a job rather than how to bake a tart for their future husband.

I don't understand what the viewer is supposed to be feeling; are we supposed to be amused? shocked? Are we supposed to feel sorry for the poor, uneducated darlings? In the words of another English 'lady'; We are not amused.

Besides all the other obvious reasons as to why this show is utterly unwatchable - I just can't handle all those British smiles. I spent the whole 15 minutes before I changed the channel in disgust wondering how the English aristocracy have still not discovered the  readily available science of dentistry.

15 minutes was too long. 

As Day Follows Night

For some time now I've been patiently waiting to listen to the new Sarah Blasko album As Day Follows Night.

I know, it's been out since July, but after hearing the first single I didn't want to listen to the whole thing until I could hear it on vinyl - so today I went to Polyester Records on Brunswick Street and made my long-awaited purchase.

I was not disappointed. There's something about that wholesome record scratch that works so well with Sarah's husky voice. This album is another gem - following from two previous albums The Overture and the Underscore and What the Sea Wants the Sea Will Have.

There are no filler tracks (songs that aren't brilliant but are put on the record to make up numbers). Each and every one is beautifully engaging. Side 2 of the album reminded me of Suzanne Vega's 1996 album Nine Objects of Desire - especially the songs Lost & Defeated and Over and Over (the last verse of which is from Talking Heads "Road to Nowhere"). There's that strong drum and solid vocal sound reminiscent of Vega in her prime.

Blasko's voice is haunting and warm and rich and delicious - which is why I wanted to listen to it on record - nothing quite gives you that 'sitting right next to you' sound as well as vinyl does.

My favourite tracks are the opening Down On Love and the first single We Won’t Run. Unfortunately with the record you don't get the bonus tracks which include Sarah's popular cover of Xanadu.

As usual the video clips have that quirky Blasko touch that is so endearing. Here's All I Want;

Do yourself a favour - put on the record, pour yourself a glass of wine and visit Sarah's beautiful world for a little while. If only there were frequent flyer points - I've already visited 4 times today.

* Sarah's finishing up her Australian tour and is off to New Zealand. She'll be back for Homebake and the Falls Festival in December. She's been nominated for five Aria awards which are on the 26th of November.

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Moral Panic Outrage

Hungry Beast did a great little piece on public outrage in this week's episode on ABC1. It outlined the process of moral panic amongst the general public.

I thought it was particularly interesting seeing all the fuss today about John Safran's new show Race Relations, set to start next week on ABC1. The Herald Sun had a poll asking if Safran's new show "breached boundaries of decency" - never mind that the show hasn't actually gone to air yet - the Australian public should be able to formulate a well-founded opinion based on ... well ... the Herald Sun article containing the poll, I assume.

On channel 10's The 7pm Project tonight they ran the story of the public's outrage over Race Relations. Dave Hughes pointed out that the Herald Sun poll earlier that day was 70% against the show and Safran's style of humour.

The poll at 8:11pm looked something like this;

So the cycle goes on and the moral panic continues tomorrow when those reacting to Dave Hughes' statement punch their fists proudly in the air and shout "Yeah! Me too!"

*** *** ***

Is it just me or is the moral panic becoming somewhat absurd? The fact that every little public event, performance, letter-opening or sneeze is being picked apart by Ma and Pa kettle is making it very difficult to make pleasant conversation at the water-cooler.

Example 1 - Today at work;

Me: "Hi, how are you?"
Pa Kettle: "Yeah good. Did you see that crap about hitting your kids with a wooden spoon? A bit of discipline never hurt anyone I say."
Me: (stupidly) "Could using a weapon to discipline them be a bit harsh though?"
Pa Kettle: "What?! A wooden spoon's not a weapon! Use whatever you need I say. Kids these days." (shakes head)

Example 2 - Later in the afternoon;

Ma kettle: "Can you believe that John Safran?"
Me: (stupidly) "What's going on?"
Ma kettle: "He's doing a blackface sketch on his new show!"
Me: "Hang on. But I thought the majority of Australia was for blackface humour?" (Could I have possibly misconstrued the 350 comments on The Daily Telegraph article last week?)
Ma kettle: "He's a disgrace that's what he is! They should take him off tv!"
Me: "But are you just saying that because you hate Jews?"
Ma kettle: "What?! he's Jewish too?"

Is all this outrage - directed at pretty much anything - making the issues that are actually worthy of discussion seem a bit, well, stupid? How can I be legitimately offended by the blackface skit if I don't really care whether dwarves dress up as jockeys and ride some crowd members at a racing carnival? If I have a penchant for skinny Jewish boys making fun of organised religion does that mean I should be all for hitting my child with random kitchen utensils?

... hang on, or should that be the other way around?

It seems like Australia is choosing sides and the battle lines aren't very well drawn out. Beware Australia; the water-cooler is no longer a safe place.

* One more thing; are all those people that joined the "I'm a fan of spooning" group on Facebook feeling awkward?

Loser Hayley

Ex-swimmer Hayley Lewis has just been announced as the host of the new season of channel 10's The Biggest Loser.

Previous host Ajay Rochester "quit" the show after a much-publicised brush with the law. She had been host of the show since 2006.

The Biggest Loser returns on February 1st, this year with 10 couples competing.

Always wondered about radio ratings?

I love this little ditty presented at the Australian Commercial Radio Awards on the weekend where those lovable lads Hamish and Andy cleaned up as expected.

This piece was produced by Merrick and Rosso and explains how the Neilson polls really work (found through Mumbrella);

and another thing ...

Nine's digital channel GO! is airing the two Hey Hey it's Saturday specials back to back tonight (-some form of strange and unusual torture?) and I just switched over to find Daryl throwing to a break with a performance from New Zealand singer Ricky May with a song he wrote "especially for this program".

Now correct me if I'm wrong but that kind of insinuates that Ricky wrote the song for the reunion program ... except that Ricky died of a heart attack in 1988.

In the first special there was the awkward Maurie Fields moment (excerpt from previous post);

The "Great Aussie Joke" segment was a jaw-dropping affair. It seems the folk at channel 9 decided to bring Maurie Fields (who died in 1995) back from the dead without advising the viewers. It was an awkward moment of father/son joke telling with Maurie's son Marty sitting beside his father thanks to some fancy graphics. It might have actually been a good segment were it not for the fact that Maurie passed away so very long ago and many viewers nowadays (watching for the first time) would have no idea who he was.

Again Daryl has nonchalantly thrown to a dead person without mentioning he's deceased - and Ricky died years before Maurie so there's even less chance that the Facebook fanatics that rallied for the return of the program would be likely to know who he was.

Interestingly the controversial Red Faces performance was edited out of the replay. The twitterati weren't happy with their 'Aussie humour' being censored - they probably wanted to revel in their 'win' over those 'pc-pariahs' one more time. Public opinion has shown that a whole lot of Australians think the skit was completely acceptable - as Todd Sampson said on Q&A on Thursday;

I think we have stuffed our heads up our butts if we don't think racism is an issue in Australia (...) I've lived in four continents, I've lived in six different countries and I have to say, not everyone, because it would be a sweeping generalisation, but racism is definitely and firmly an issue in Australia.

Other notably horrific moments from the second Hey Hey program were;

• The young man who decided to get a tattoo of Plucka Duck on his chest. People tell you that you'll regret your tattoos when your older - I think it's safe to say this guy will be holding a hot iron to his chest within a few years.

• Darly Somers.

• Jo Beth Taylor's dress - or lack thereof. Did someone tell her that she would be sitting on a stool and not behind a desk? Thankfully it was on later in the evening so the Sharon Stone moment didn't breach any broadcasting laws.

• Daryl Somers.

• Jackie McDonalds plastic surgery and wig. What happened to ageing gracefully?

• Did I mention Daryl Somers?

I could only handle the second show in pieces so I missed a whole lot of it. I'm pretty sure Daryl mentioned that it was the last show EVER around seventeen hundred times. Will he be proved a liar?

Beauty and the Geek

Hmm, what can one say about channel 7's Beauty and the Geek? Let's see, there are some vacuous beauties that have more interest in the Women's Suffrage Movement than they have brain cells (i.e. none) and a bunch of horny post-grad boys with their hands firmly in their pockets.

It's introduced as a 'wacky social expiriment' but those of us more discerning folk might more accurately assess it as an excuse for commercial television to objectify women and make fun of unnatractive men. Cynical? Me? Never.

Here's the thing though; the 'beauties' are begging to be objectified (you can just see the girls arguing in the limo about which one will be offered the most money to do an FHM spread once booted off the show) and if the 'geeks' were truly intelligent they would have run from the house screaming on day one. For the record, a photographic memory does not an intellect make.

For one whole hour the hot girls say stupid things and the awkward boys tell them how brilliant they are. The only benefit I can see of this program is that all those computer-loving, nerdish lads across Australia that are too shy to talk to the ladies will realise that all they need do to get to third base with girls like these is tell them their fluorescent orange fake-tan looks really natural. (Hot tip lads - you heard it here.)

Maybe parents can watch it with their children in an attempt to scare them in to higher education - my particular favourite was one beauty's self-assessment as an "11 out of 10" in the looks department - even without her makeup! She definitely has a 10 out of 10 body, but that accurately leaves just 1 for her face.

Meow!

A girlfriend of mine recently told me (quite rightly) that it's terrible how we women pick each other apart and perpetuate the evaluation of a woman's worth as relative to her appearance - but so far these women have offered no other redeeming features as criteria for an assessment.

I would love to be proved wrong. Unfortunately I'm not certain I could sit through another episode.

After 60 minutes of idiotic giggling and declarations of love to strangers ("Awwww, I love you's guys so much! I don't want ANYone to leave!") I was so dissapointed in my own sex it was a relief to switch over to the ABC and Germaine Greer on Q&A.

Just Beastly

Something that made Hey Hey's attempt at race relations last night even more poignant was the contrast of it and another little program over on ABC1. Whilst Daryl was blubbering through an insincere apology to Harry Connick Jnr and his 'countrymen' I was pondering the episode of Hungry Beast that had aired at 9pm on the public broadcaster. In the one corner we have a heavyweight champion of old - still pulling the crowd but lacking athletic ability. In the other corner we have a lightweight - not yet ready to play with the big boys but certainly fast on his feet.

Hungry Beast is a melting pot of young talent - some of the segments are painfully amateur, some of them are spot on. The interview with Private Benjamin Ranaoudo's family was a really well-done, poignant piece of television. To then change stations and see the abomination of all that is good taste was a serious reality check.

Kate Langbroek said it best this morning on Nova radio - we all know what the swastika means, and although it might not have affected us we still know that it is wrong to make jokes about it and what it represents.

The media is all over the incident this morning and the responses are varied. There's nothing like a media scandal to bring out the racist, ignorant, uneducated masses who have an opinion and aren't afraid to voice it in all it's bad-grammared nonsensical glory.

Case in point, in the The Daily Telegraph, "gazza of pananina (sic)" wrote;

had harry not been on the show nothing would have been said, and everything would of been just pased over instead of a over reaction,

Then there was this gem from "tia-maria of south coast (sic)";

personally dont watch the show but have in the past now and again......... But as far as the "RED FACE" act i looked at the group and they came across in good taste they were dress nicely...... So in saying that Harry Connick Jr. your the one out of step here.....no RACIST by this act group playing of Jackson5 so just maybe the Americians have a bitch of a problem over there we dont .......SO MAYBE HARRY YOUR THE ONE THAT SHOULD APOLOGISE.....FUTHER MORE WHY DIDNT HHIS KEEP THE JUSGES HERE IN AUSSIE LAND AND JUST MAYBE WE HAVE THIS TO TARNISH THE SHOW IN ANYWAY.

Many people agree with Gazza and Tia and are happy to live in their "non-pc" bubbles. The thing is that, much the same as the Kyle Sandilands lie-detector incident, it comes down to the producers - who let the act get past the audition? Surely someone with some sense could see that this might be a problematic "all in good fun" representation of the Jackson Five?

I'm glad I lost interest in Hey Hey and switched over to Hungry Beast - I managed to catch some fresh, new, exciting television before being dragged back to reality by the dinasaurs at channel 9.

Hey Hey it's Racist

Well, well, well, the second installment of Hey Hey the reunion aired tonight and what do you know? Just like when it was on the air way back when, I lost interest and changed the channel (I'm a fickle little thing).

However, my interest was recaptured when I decided to check how Twitter was traveling with the #heyhey tag (number 1 trending topic as suspected) to find this;

So what happened? From what I can piece together, there was a Red Faces act that was a send-up of the Jackson Five that included a 'blackface' routine - classy, I know. Harry Connick Jnr was a judge and was suitably horrified, stating "If I were home it'd be 'Hey Hey No More Show'."

I particularly liked this response;
Daryl apologised to Harry Connick Jnr at the end of the show and Harry spoke about the struggle of black people in America and how representing them as buffoons is not acceptable. Harry also said that if he'd known the act would be on the show he would not have appeared. Interestingly, Daryl said something along the lines of "we realised that this sort of act might be offensive to your countrymen" - sorry? They're not the only people it's offensive to Daryl - you may have noticed it's not 1950.

I look forward to seeing the reviews tomorrow.

Not a Good Night - Definition of Irony

The 7pm Project tonight (on channel 10) had a story about the sexualisation of children after Australian author Maggie Hamilton released the results of a year long study into young girls' milestone life events.

They had a guest lobbyist, Julie Gale from the group Kids Free 2B Kids on the show to discuss the issue - who, I might add, was asked idiotic questions by guest panelist Jo Stanley (example; "What's wrooooong with an 11 year old girl getting a Brazilian though? If she wants one who caaaaaares?").

Now, to the ironic part - after the break, Myf Warhurst did an interview with The Black Eyed Peas - those wonderful role-models of all that is tasteful and appropriate.

To be honest I never really had an opinion of The Black Eyed Peas - until I saw the video clip for their song "I Got a Feelin'". Let me break it down for you. The clip shows a bunch of girls dressing up like hookers, getting smashed at a party, making out (read 'having sex') with random people and eventually passing out in a gutter.

That's a good night.

Of course there are much more graphic video clips out there and I'm not saying it's a bad thing or that sexy clips should be banned - on the contrary, but this particular clip is played on Video Hits at 10am on a Saturday - and my 5 year old niece thinks The Black Eyed Peas are fantastic.

The point Julie Gale was trying to make was that young girls are inundated with sexual images and are developing a warped sense of self as a result.

Maybe The 7pm Project should stick to less serious news stories so the panels bad jokes, ridiculous comments and obvious lack of knowledge about serious topics aren't so out of place.

Tony Martin, Jon Faine and Daniel Kitson

Could you ask for anything more? This morning Jon Faine had co-host Tony Martin in the studio for his Conversation Hour on ABC Radio Melbourne (774). They were joined by UK comedian Daniel Kitson - and of course, hilarity ensued. You can listen here.

Martin is currently promoting his new book of memoirs A Nest of Occasionals (following from his 2005 book Lolly Scramble) and Kitson is touring Australia with his latest stand-up show We Are Gathered Here.

Last time Kitson was in town I managed to catch one of his shows in the Triple R performance space and was thoroughly entertained. He's in Melbourne now as part of the Fringe Festival. Details for Adelaide and Perth are here (along with podcasts of previous shows).

Martin will be on ADbc on SBS this Thursday at 9pm.

Ten in the Pink

Australia loves Pink. The fact that I don't have to clarify that I'm talking about the singer and not the colour is testament to that. But how 'Pink' can we get? When digital radio was launched earlier in the year there was an entire station devoted to Pink. At first it was just Pink songs, then when the fact that playing songs from just 5 albums might become a bit repetitive sunk in, the station started playing Pink-inspired music - that's music that Pink likes, and music that's like Pink.

So it's not completely surprising to learn that channel 10's Australian Idol is doing a 'Pink' show this Sunday. That's right, an entire night of the contestants singing Pink songs.

Let's put this in perspective; previously Aus. Idol has done Beatles night, 80's night, disco night, Australian artist night, number 1 hit night, etc, etc. There has never been a Christina Aguilera night, or a Britney Spears night, or even an Anastasia night - you remember - that loud, rambunctious singer that wasn't hugely popular in her own country but made a killing over here?

Don't get me wrong, I think Pink is better than the average pop-singer and I've heard rave reviews of her Funhouse tour from even the most hardened music-elitist - I just think this is one of the most bizarre things the Australian Idol gang have done to try and boost the shameful ratings this season. Introducing a new judge? understandable. Changing the timeslot? Okay. Having a Pink night? Just skip to the Opera House already.
Meanwhile, pocket-rocket Sabrina got the boot last week and 'told-all' to Sydney's Daily Telegraph 'confidential' blog. She said that she misses Kyle and described him as "witty and funny" - clearly the trauma of being evicted has effected her logic.

Questions Answered and Then Some

Tonights Q&A on ABC was an edge-of-the-seat thriller. British author, journalist, literary critic and political observer Christopher Hitchens was a force to be reckoned with as he shot down in flames both his fellow panelists and those audience members that dared to question his commentary.

It's not often that the very intelligent and quick-witted Waleed Aly comes out second best in a debate but Hitchens was hard to beat tonight on topics such as the Israel/Palestine conflict, same-sex marriage and the treatment of women in Iran.

The video should be on the website soon, so if you missed it tonight, you can take a look at some really fresh, thought-provoking and exciting television - no Plucka Duck in sight, I promise.

(And look out next week for more sparks from Germaine Greer.)


* there is also a brilliant little Political Dictionary page on the Q&A site which is definitely good for a giggle.