Back to Reality

Channel 7 is currently holding auditions for its reality show Beauty and the Geek which picked up a pretty good following last year. I'm sure you'll be shocked to hear that I didn't like it. 

Of course I will watch the first episode because I love being outraged and shocked - confession: sometimes I switch over to Melbourne Talk Radio just to feel my blood pressure rise - it's less effort than exercise and if I listen for long enough I might even throw up and lose a few kgs.

So, reality tv.

I've been keeping up with Masterchef this season. By 'keeping up' I mean switching over in the last 10 minutes to see the taste-testing and elimination. Someone told me a few weeks ago who ends up in the final three so it's no real joy now - mind you, blind Freddy could probably guess them after all the 'favouritism' talk from boned contestants. 

Masterchef's managed to consistently be covered in the tabloid press thanks to a few nobody-even-cares-you're-just-putting-it-in-the-news-as-free-PR type scandals - including the 're-plate-gate' affair. Is it really shocking that they re-plate the food for the cameras? Studio lights + cream-based desserts = liquid ugly ... and you'll be surprised to hear I'm not even a rocket scientist!

Channel 7's Australia's Got Talent has been the expected mixed-bag of freaks and weirdos. I'm sure there has been the occasional talented moth to the flame but I haven't followed closely enough to know if they got through - looking at the judges, I sincerely doubt it. The bits that I have seen have been horrific. I had much more fun watching a repeat of Popstars this morning at 1:30am. Did people really dress like that in the 90s? I don't remember owning a top that was a handkerchief in the front held by pieces of string across the back ... then again maybe I did and have used selective memory to block it out.

Speaking of pieces of material being held together with string, Dancing with the Stars will be back on air soon. Oh what joy, oh what celebration (where's that sarcastic font when you need it). Have you seen the contestant list? One commenter on the channel 7 forum stated quite rightly that someone should sue the station for false advertising. There are maybe one or two people that might fit the description of 'star' but otherwise, the cast is populated with people that aren't even loosely related to stars. 

Alex Fevola is an ex-WAG who's only claim to fame is being cheated on by an AFL player. Whoop! Hold the phone; she has published a coffee-table book! Phew, that justifies that then. Tamara Jaber is the wife (read "PR pet-project") of a man who is famous for being a wanker and/or being dumped from a reality show judging panel. Loooong bow people.  

The most entertaining thing about the show is reading the creative license taken in the bios of the supposed stars. My favourite is Jo Beth Taylor;

Jo Beth Taylor – dancing with Dannial Gosper
Beginning her singing career at the tender age of five, Jo Beth Taylor began performing professionally at the age of 13. In the early 1990s she began a successful music and television career. At just 22 years of age, Jo Beth hosted three weekly tv shows making her the youngest person to ever host a prime-time show on Australian television.  

Right. So what's she been doing in the last 15 years? Way to focus on when she actually had a career - in 1994.

So, we have the usual mix of channel 7 'personalities', miscellaneous sports stars, a musician or two and some vaguely familiar faces (if only from the covers of FHM next to the Kit Kats at the servo). There's no disabled person and no one particularly old or overweight so I'm not sure what the gimmick will be this year ... oh right ... the whole show. Australia, you so disappoint me.

So count me out again - I'm proud to say I've never watched a whole DWTS episode, let alone followed a series. I'd rather shower in acid with a sun-bed chaser. Speaking of which, be sure to look out for the 'natural' tans on the contestants of both DWTS and Beauty and the Geek.  

Cooking up a Storm in a Teacup

The Masterchef finale is the talk of the town today as the popular program attracted 3.7 million viewers last night in the official ratings results. I'm not sure that it was entirely a shock to anyone, after all, it's been one of the most popular shows on TV since about week 4 of the series. Not to mention the fact that the weekly evictions have made the front page of most papers on a regular basis.

Besides, look at its esteemed colleagues in the three-point-something million club; two Australian Idol finales and The Block finale. The only other programs that get a look in are sports events. Mind you, I'm not about to go on an elitist rant about how Australian viewers should be more discerning in their program choices ... because I too watched the Masterchef finale (whilst multi-tasking several other activities - after all, I can't devote a whole 2 hours to one program!)

I came in at the end, to what I thought was the video of the speeches at my cousin's 21st - it was very friendly wasn't it? Judge Gary Mehigan fighting back proud tears was almost too much to bear. Some critics have suggested that in these "times of financial instability" family viewing is on the up and up - Talkin' 'Bout Your Generation being a prime (time) example. And who better to personify the image of homeliness and comfort than the chubby home-cooking specialist Julie?

It is certainly a much better program than the other reality drawl - Dancing with the Stars and Australia's Got Talent; where the stars aren't even B grade anymore and the only talent is the production team that manage to edit this crap into an hour around all the replays, recaps and suspenseful commercial break outro banter.

Channel 10 execs will be hoping the 7pm Project (starting tonight at, you guessed it, 7pm) can ride the wave of Masterchef's success, with winner Julie being a guest on tonight's debut show. And of course Australian Idol will be back on our screens next month.

Meanwhile, it looks like the finale show next year will be live to air after all the trauma the pre-record has caused the media ... particularly the Daily Telegraph. Check out Andrew Dodd's post on Crikey here.

One more thing ...

Prediction: there's going to be a celebrity version of Masterchef taping from September - If I were a betting gal (which I certainly am not) I'd put money on Vince Colosimo (even though he's currently contracted to channel 9) and maybe Pete Hellier being involved.

Hey Hey it's a Slow News Day

A young friend of mine joined a Facebook group last week titled "Bring back Hey Hey it's Saturday" and I thought; I'll leave the gorgeous dear alone, after all, she's 16 and couldn't possibly know the pain and trauma an act like that might reckon on the world.

Cut to this morning when another friend sent me a link to this article - and I can be silent no more!

Hey Hey it's Saturday was an evening variety show featuring comedy, music and celeb interviews. Here's an idea: replace Rove McManus with Daryl Somers, Dave Hughes with Dicky Knee and Pete Hellier with Ozzie Ostrich. Put Ryan Shelton in a duck suit and have him throw raw chickens at the audience and you've pretty much hit the nail on the head. The "Red Faces" segment is basically Australia's Got Talent (including Red Symons) and you can "spin and win" on Mornings with Kerri-Anne.

Hey Hey it's Saturday did showcase Australian music talent ... as does Rockwiz ... and it did give young comedians a chance to strut their stuff ... as does Thank God You're Here ...

So we've got it all covered, ok?! No need to bring Daryl back. I think comment 70 summed it up;
Where's the "Bring back Enough Rope" Facebook group or the "Give Brian Nankervis his own Show" Facebook group? Surely these are more worthy causes.

The whole 'group' and 'fan' thing on Facebook is altogether annoying. It distresses me that the article is suggesting the people who join these Facebook groups are actually conscientious supporters of whatever the stupid thing is that they're clicking on. Most people would have joined the Hey Hey group as a laugh - if we locked them in a room for four hours and made them watch reruns I think the outcome would most likely involve a violent rampage, horse tranquilizers and damaged property.

And another thing ...

If the article is about the power of social media, why didn't the author elaborate on the mention of the campaign to bring back the "chips"? Could it be because it wasn't Facebook - it was that old-fashioned medium of radio that succeeded in the reintroduction of the savoury snack Toobs. Hamish and Andy had a segment on their drive time show on Fox where they asked people what product they would like to see return - there was an overwhelming response about Toobs - so they helped lobby Smiths Snackfood Company and Toobs were reintroduced to supermarket shelves.

It seems bored consumers had the power to lobby organisations and make change before the wonders of Facebook.

Shocking, but true.

Blind Talent

Reality program Dancing with the Stars started this evening on channel 7 with its supposed "world exclusive" of a blind contestant.

The incessant publicity relating to contestant Gerrard Gosens' disability has been mildly offensive to me, let alone people who actually live with disabilities and try to lead normal lives without people gawking and patronising. The fact that host Daniel MacPherson made reference to the upcoming performance before every ad break wasn't nearly as cringe-worthy as the fact that they got some kid from Australia's Got Talent (cross promotion anyone?) to sing "You Raise me Up" before the paralympians dance routine as the show finale.

Hello? Anyone seen Scent of a Woman? or how about the classic 1986 made-for-tv-movie Can You Feel Me Dancing? starring Justine Bateman? I don't know much about Gerrard Gosens, but if he's an amazing person it's in spite of his disability - not because of it - which is what the show seems to be using as a publicity booster.

Not that I was expecting anything classy from this abomination-of-all-things-holy of a program. I can only really comment on what I saw between channel flicking - which was Today Tonight host Matt White (cross promotion anyone?) leering at his partner in a way that only a 17 year old virgin let into a Playboy mansion orgy could do - before grabbing her breasts and trying to break her back over his knee ... twice. I didn't think I could hate Matt White any more than I did before tonight but his (high rating might I add) performance made me cross my legs and want to scrub myself with Solvol soap until my skin was gone.

The only other performance I saw was swimsuit model (ie. men's magazine model) Emily Scott. The producers must really be clutching at straws for celebs when they're flicking through porn magazines and thinking "I wonder if this woman will do anything for media exposure?" ... answer; yes. I don't know how they didn't think of it sooner - if anyone is willing to make themselves look like an idiot for a quick buck it's the 'adult magazine' model. Next year they could get sponsorship from Picture magazine and call the show "Dancing with the Home Girls".

Let's see - what else was there? Oh yes, judge Mark Wilson's hairpiece - surely the costume department could have spent all the money saved on making the female costumes entirely of just string and sequins into getting a better stuffed animal to cover his receeding hairline?

Did I mention I hated the show? I won't be wasting another second on it.