X to the power of WHY?

I watched some of channel 7's X Factor last night. Wow. Settle in for this one folks.

On a scale of 'mistakes I have made' where telling a dear friend the man she was dating was a complete wanker resulting in me not being invited to their wedding two years later is extremely bad, and just now not being able to find a spoon and thinking it was a good idea to just tip the sugar from the bag into my tea is not that bad at all, I would gauge deciding to watch even a few moments of X Factor somewhere around the time I tore a hole in the palm of my hand with a stick at the age of eight and told the local priest I was stigmata just to see what would happen. I'll let you decide for yourself how big a mistake that was - but I should point out that I chose to make this revelation when receiving holy communion and that there may or may not have been fainting and/or collective kissing of rosary beads as a direct result. 

What was I talking about? Right, X Factor. You know the drill, people who want to be famous audition in front of a pre-pubescent crowd recently plied with free energy drinks and a panel of 'where are they now' judges to get through a series of rounds where they are told yay or nay and sent home in a flurry of curse words and tears vowing to return next time, and that you'll one day see their name in lights whether the judges could see their 'talent' or not. This year, I was rather chuffed to note the inclusion of former Spice Girl 'Mel B' as a judge. I loved the Spice Girls - of course I did. And Angry Spice, as I liked to call her, (to which my friend James would point out "she's not one of the bloody Seven Dwarves!") was my favourite. I also think Natalie Bassingthwaite is simply lovely. I've had a thing for her since she played Izzy on Neighbours and not only shagged Karl Kennedy but had his illegitimate child - and took it to London! After an affair with Paul Robinson of course ... shhhh Marian ... you know too much. But even the potential for a Mel B performance of the Spice Girls classic 'Two Become One' (because she's pregnant, see what I did there?) could make me watch another minute.

There were young men being made to take their shirts off. Yes. Call the Melinda Tankard Reist bat-phone because that shit was just wrong. Oh hang on, it was at the behest of a hormonal pregnant woman though, so I guess it's okay. Oh wait, except that it wasn't just the one man who had bragged about his hardened six-pack, - it was him and every buff young thing that came after him. And after they got one of the lads to remove his shirt for a better look at his bronzed abs, they let him sing and preceded to tell him that he was absolutely awful, had no talent whatsoever and was lucky he was good-looking. I thought it was nasty. And I am a raging feminist. Indeed, that feminist voice inside me was trying to rebut my horrified reaction with tidbits like "well women are objectified and belittled like this ALL the time!" and "it's rather refreshing to see men as the butt of sexualised jokes isn't it?!" But no. It isn't really. Because no one deserves to be ridiculed and treated like shit - let alone in front of a crowd or on national tv. Even if they've been silly enough to sign a release form allowing whatever they do to be used in whatever manner channel 7 thinks is appropriate because they are so damned hungry for that 15 minutes of fame that has been promised to them by every reality tv show since Sylvania Waters.

It irked me. I changed the channel. I flicked back at one point to see 18-year-old twin girls in too-short-for-tv school uniforms with not a whole lot of talent being let through to the next round because they had 'something'. They also had a camera behind them which very nearly showed the audience at home what they ate for breakfast - a camera angle that not-surprisingly wasn't really used on any of the other performers. 

 

I know, I am constantly saying that I shouldn't be surprised at this kind of crap - and as far as you can tell, I seem to be constantly surprised, right? Well no, not really. I am constantly disappointed though.

I was wondering, throughout the bits that I watched, where the classic sob-story was for this season. You know, the whole "I'm singing for my dead dad" or "I have a painful disease and singing makes me feel better" schtick. Well, this is where the bat-shit-crazy and how-is-this-on-tv-let-alone-rating-well 'X Factor' kicked in.

A young man named Emmanuel was the final performer on last night's program. Emmanuel is severely disabled. The tv audience were told that he and his brother were saved by their adoptive mother as babies in Iraq. It was a heart-wrenching story. The producers added a touch of haunting Middle-Eastern music just to make it completely clear that this, people, was the real deal. After a lengthy introduction, Emmanuel was finally given the chance to sing his chosen song; Lennon's 'Imagine'. This is where it all got confusing. I mean, the intro and the story of the boys and their heroic mother was the stuff of current affairs programs, not talent contests. My eyes welled with tears at their mother's courage, and at Emmanuel's brother, side-of-stage, beaming with pride and cheering his best friend on. Then I realised I was watching A SINGING CONTEST. 

What the hell were the producers thinking? I mean, sure, as far as your reality tv had-a-shit-life-gonna-sing-my-heart-out stories go this one pretty much takes the cake, but I felt angry. Angry that Emmanuel's story was being used as a gimmick, as I'm sure it will continue to be as he progresses through the competition. Angry that the serious political and human rights issues that Emmanuel's story represents (unfortunately whether he likes it or not) were glossed over for the soft-focus close-up of a tear in Ronan Keating's eye. And finally, angry for the other contestants because clearly, as usual, it's not actual singing talent that has any bearing on the outcome of these stupid shows - it's the gimmick. Because even though Emmanuel sang his heart out, it's quite clear his singing talent isn't extraordinary - as much as the judges gushed otherwise.

Am I being cynical? My thoughts are that Emmanuel, like all the other singers who weren't quite good enough, should have been told, politely, where they could improve and sent on their way. His audition didn't have to be aired and turned into the drama that it was. I would expect anyone with a disability would resent being treated differently or given special favour. And the worst part is that it's all to boost ratings - when the novelty of his story wears off he will no doubt be cast aside like so many reality tv contestants whose names I can't remember. Maybe I'm being cynical. Maybe his singing will improve, the gimmick won't wear off and he will win the competition and record an album (that he gets stuff-all royalties from). Hey, maybe he knows exactly what the producers are doing and is happy to put up with it for the chance of a 'big break'. I hope only good things happen for him, and I hope channel 7 don't chew him up and spit him out like we know they will. 

 

So, I guess you can tell from that rather lengthy rant, that I wasn't AT ALL impressed with the first episode of X Factor Australia. Maybe I'll check back in near the finals just to see how my beloved Nasty Spice is doing, and to bathe in the warm glow of Nat Bassingthwaite's smile.

I'm not surprised. I'm disappointed.

Here's a link to the video. Nineteen and a half thousand views and counting.

 

Putting me off my dinner

Look, I'm sure I come across as a real intellectual-type, high-brow, educated, woman. But I have to confess. I've been watching trash tv. I'm confessing because, I didn't just watch it ... I taped it. Granted, I started recording when I realised that I would need to show my friends later just exactly what I was ranting and raving about, but still, to record such rot and have it sitting on my hard drive next to the likes of Seven Samurai and Grand Designs is just dirty. Will these hands ne'er be clean I ask thee? (See how educated I am? I played Lady Macbeth in year 10 drama!) Alright, enough of the fluff, let's get down to it.

The program in question is Dinner Date, aired Tuesdays on channel 7. Of course I initially tuned in because Manu Feildel is the host and he is adorable (besides that sexist remark during Dancing with the Stars that his PR people quickly brushed aside as 'lost in translation' *wink*). 

Well, Manu doesn't disappoint. His cutesy narration and naughty smirks to camera do have me giggling along, rosy-cheeked like a school-girl. The actual show on the other hand, is about as enjoyable as a hot poker stuck in your eye - but with absolutely NO hotness. 

The premise of the show is that one single contestant chooses to have dinner with three suitors. The contestant, after the three dates, then chooses their favourite to take on an overnight date somewhere 'fancy'. That's all. That's the prize. An overnight stay at a nice hotel is worth losing your dignity for, it seems. If the pollies need any more evidence that these tough economic times are effecting real people out there, I can't think of any better. 

Episode one featured a very attractive young woman and three male suitors. She had a 1-year-old baby and had been dumped by the father just 3 weeks after the birth. One could assume, most likely, that she has a pretty good history of dating arseholes. So when, after her three dates, she chose the 'Italian Stallion' who was a complete Neanderthal, misogynist wanker, I was a little perturbed. Not shocked of course, because going on a reality tv show to date three complete strangers whilst being filmed is clearly not the actions of a logical thinker, but perturbed because shouting at the television "Don't you DARE pick him you idiot!" had absolutely no effect.

When discussing it later with my friend, she pointed out that the woman was probably just 'after a shag' so chose the man with the bangin' bod who seemed like he had the most experience of one night stands (trust me, no one would go back for date number two after they discovered the names of his future children).

- But that can't be right, because the contestant was hot. She could go to any club and pick up. SO, after episode one, it became clear that yet another reality tv show was going to rationalise my general disappointment in humankind. The stupid woman chose the buff cad, who will cheat on her, spend her money, and generally disrespect her until he dumps her for a blonde with a lower IQ who doesn't have a baby or a mind of her own.

So when it came to episode two, my head was on straight. Gone were my fanciful notions that humans generally have their own and other's best interests at heart and that, if given the chance, humans will generally surprise each other with their actions.

With those notions buried deep in the pit of despair (where they lived the entire time Big Brother was on television), I was able to successfully predict before the third ad break that the horrible little man 'looking for love' would choose the skinny blonde with the cleavage who couldn't even cook *GASP!!* over the nice country girl with whom he got along wonderfully and who had exceptional culinary skills (good little lady that she was, of course).

Mind you, I was happy the contestant chose the blonde, because the country girl was too nice for him. I would have preferred though, if he'd chosen contestant number one: the bad dancer who made him sit on the floor and didn't really like him at all. Because I'm sure they would have had a terrible time on their follow-up date, and I would have enjoyed knowing that - because that's the kind of person I am.*
 

So that's Dinner Date. An exercise in finding morons and showing them to be the morons they are, with soft lighting, diary-room style bits-to-camera and a charming host holding back his laughter (or is it tears?) at just how low he will go to keep his mug on tv in the off-season of My Kitchen Rules.

And here I am, waiting for episode three to start, because I want to be horrified. I've been sucked in ... and don't even get me started on Four Weddings.
 

* I'm really not that kind of person at ALL!! You see what reality tv is doing to me?!?

Back to Reality

Channel 7 is currently holding auditions for its reality show Beauty and the Geek which picked up a pretty good following last year. I'm sure you'll be shocked to hear that I didn't like it. 

Of course I will watch the first episode because I love being outraged and shocked - confession: sometimes I switch over to Melbourne Talk Radio just to feel my blood pressure rise - it's less effort than exercise and if I listen for long enough I might even throw up and lose a few kgs.

So, reality tv.

I've been keeping up with Masterchef this season. By 'keeping up' I mean switching over in the last 10 minutes to see the taste-testing and elimination. Someone told me a few weeks ago who ends up in the final three so it's no real joy now - mind you, blind Freddy could probably guess them after all the 'favouritism' talk from boned contestants. 

Masterchef's managed to consistently be covered in the tabloid press thanks to a few nobody-even-cares-you're-just-putting-it-in-the-news-as-free-PR type scandals - including the 're-plate-gate' affair. Is it really shocking that they re-plate the food for the cameras? Studio lights + cream-based desserts = liquid ugly ... and you'll be surprised to hear I'm not even a rocket scientist!

Channel 7's Australia's Got Talent has been the expected mixed-bag of freaks and weirdos. I'm sure there has been the occasional talented moth to the flame but I haven't followed closely enough to know if they got through - looking at the judges, I sincerely doubt it. The bits that I have seen have been horrific. I had much more fun watching a repeat of Popstars this morning at 1:30am. Did people really dress like that in the 90s? I don't remember owning a top that was a handkerchief in the front held by pieces of string across the back ... then again maybe I did and have used selective memory to block it out.

Speaking of pieces of material being held together with string, Dancing with the Stars will be back on air soon. Oh what joy, oh what celebration (where's that sarcastic font when you need it). Have you seen the contestant list? One commenter on the channel 7 forum stated quite rightly that someone should sue the station for false advertising. There are maybe one or two people that might fit the description of 'star' but otherwise, the cast is populated with people that aren't even loosely related to stars. 

Alex Fevola is an ex-WAG who's only claim to fame is being cheated on by an AFL player. Whoop! Hold the phone; she has published a coffee-table book! Phew, that justifies that then. Tamara Jaber is the wife (read "PR pet-project") of a man who is famous for being a wanker and/or being dumped from a reality show judging panel. Loooong bow people.  

The most entertaining thing about the show is reading the creative license taken in the bios of the supposed stars. My favourite is Jo Beth Taylor;

Jo Beth Taylor – dancing with Dannial Gosper
Beginning her singing career at the tender age of five, Jo Beth Taylor began performing professionally at the age of 13. In the early 1990s she began a successful music and television career. At just 22 years of age, Jo Beth hosted three weekly tv shows making her the youngest person to ever host a prime-time show on Australian television.  

Right. So what's she been doing in the last 15 years? Way to focus on when she actually had a career - in 1994.

So, we have the usual mix of channel 7 'personalities', miscellaneous sports stars, a musician or two and some vaguely familiar faces (if only from the covers of FHM next to the Kit Kats at the servo). There's no disabled person and no one particularly old or overweight so I'm not sure what the gimmick will be this year ... oh right ... the whole show. Australia, you so disappoint me.

So count me out again - I'm proud to say I've never watched a whole DWTS episode, let alone followed a series. I'd rather shower in acid with a sun-bed chaser. Speaking of which, be sure to look out for the 'natural' tans on the contestants of both DWTS and Beauty and the Geek.  

Trash TV

For the purposes of this blog I try to watch as much Australian tv as I can handle. If I'm at home and there's something programmed, I'll take a look at it. In many circumstances, it's very rewarding - the new season of East West 101 on SBS, for example, blows all those Crime Scene Investigation *insert name of US city here* shows out of the water.

Sometimes however, it's a painful exercise in discovering why the rest of the world thinks Australia is entirely populated by neanderthal half-wits who think Blackface skits are hilarious. 

Aussie Ladette to Lady on channel 9 is beyond horrible. I suppose I shouldn't expect much from the channel that brings us The Footy Show and Two and a Half Men but this is seriously shove-your-fingers-down-your-throat, scrub-your-skin-raw-with-Solvol-soap, scoop-your-eyes-out-with-a-spoon horrible.

Both the girls and their 'teachers' are revolting in so many ways. The girls (obviously amping up their disguisting behaviour for the cameras) are creatures that defy evolution. How can people like this exist? They don't need deportment lessons, they need to be euthenaised.

Their teachers are archaic dinosaurs from yesteryear clinging on to irrelevant customs and patriarchal ideals. "What man would ever want you?" - as if a man's attention is the only thing that truly makes a woman worthwhile.  Perhaps they should be teaching them how to get a job rather than how to bake a tart for their future husband.

I don't understand what the viewer is supposed to be feeling; are we supposed to be amused? shocked? Are we supposed to feel sorry for the poor, uneducated darlings? In the words of another English 'lady'; We are not amused.

Besides all the other obvious reasons as to why this show is utterly unwatchable - I just can't handle all those British smiles. I spent the whole 15 minutes before I changed the channel in disgust wondering how the English aristocracy have still not discovered the  readily available science of dentistry.

15 minutes was too long. 

Aus. Idol Kicks Off

Australian Idol officially began the performance shows tonight with the top 12 finalists performing songs of their own choosing.

Let's break it down;










First off was Ashleigh, she's the teenager from Tamworth and tonight sang "Miss Independent".
You might remember her (or someone just like her) in season 1 as Lauren Buckley, season 5 as Lana Krost, or more famously in season 3, as winner, Kate DeAraugo.










Next we had brickie's labourer Scott singing "Come Together" - You might remember this unassuming country lad from season 1 when he was known as Shannon Noll and was equally wide-eyed and unassuming at the wonders of instant celebrity (and in need of a makeover).










Then there was Casey with "On my Mind". Casey is a generic - he's an everyman of sorts but with a slight disability to enable the crowd to tell him apart from the other generics (see Toby and Tim below).










Hayley is the 'rock chick' of the bunch - she sang "See the Light". Australian Idol has a strong history of rock gals. Season 1 = Kelly Cavuoto, season 2 = Emelia Rusciano, season 3 = Milly Edwards, season 4 = Klancie Keough (please also see country-gal Kate below) and season 6 = Amanda Grafanakis.










Young country-boy-at-heart James was next with "How to Save a Life". He has a bit of Milsy about him, a bit of Shannon, a bit of Ben McKenzie, a bit of Tom Williams (from season 6) ... and a few others that I can't remember the names of.










Next we have Sabrina, the migrant/ethnic element, you might remember her most famously as Cosima De Vito and to a lesser extent Natalie Gauci. Her performance tonight of Michael Jackson's "What About Us" was stellar - she certainly has a set of pipes on her and was the highlight of the night.










Nathan is another young lad with an emo fringe. He has a touch of Matt Corby about him without the killer baby-blues. He did a good job of "Stop and Stare" tonight and he's got a bit of that Thanh Bui (from last year) lovable-camp about him.










Next we have 'thank-the-lord-Jesus-for-everything' Stan. He's the kiwi/islander element - seen in past seasons as Joseph Gatehau (season 4) and Levi Keremea (season 1).










Teacher Toby could easily be mistaken for the aforementioned Casey. Again, he's an everyman - just your average Aussie bloke. He ruined Radiohead's "Creep" tonight by overpronouncing every word of it and turning it into a rock-opera. Some songs should NOT be given the karaoke treatment under ANY circumstance.










Next was Kim with "Best of You". She likes sitting down when she sings so you can tell her apart from the other girl with peroxide blonde emo hair (see aforementioned Hayley). Last year she was played by both Sophie Patterson (with a British accent) AND Amanda Grafanakis.










Then there was Tim. I have to say right now he's my favourite. I couldn't care less if he could actually sing of course. He sang Beyonce's "Halo" following the apparent trend of pretending to 'give it your own feel' by singing a song originally done by someone of the opposite sex. For the record, it's still karaoke. He did mention Jesus which certainly doesn't endear him to me - but he did it in a half-assed way that makes me think he's sheepishly gunning for the Guy Sebastian vote and isn't really a God-botherer at all.










Finally we have Kate, the country-hick element that is in every season in various guises. This year it takes the form of a burly lesbian who doesn't take off her cowboy hat ... ever. The last girl to don a cowboy hat was Klancie Keough (season 4) and it certainly didn't do her any favours. Kate "really loves astraya" (Australia) and tonight performed "Stuck in the Middle".

SO - They can all actually sing this year which makes watching the show like seeing a highlights reel of the previous 6 seasons. It's that same old cheesy Idol that we remember - completely fabricated for your enjoyment (there is NO way that the Australian public voted Kate in to the top 12 - I'm sorry, but she gets no reaction from the crowd and is hardly a character that 13 year old girls would go crazy about). Because that's what they are really - characters in a narrative constructed for your enjoyment.

Speaking of characters, there are a few missing this year; the cute ethnic boy (Mark Spano, Anthony Callea), the diva kiwi/islander girl (Paulini Curuenavuli, Emily Williams, Madam Parker) and the 'quirky kid' (Chanel Cole, Bobby Flynn, Lisa Mitchell).

Either way, as Marieke Hardy so accurately pointed out in The Age last week - it's just not the same without James Matheison.

Couples Crapola

Australia's Perfect Couple is the latest reality drawl on channel 9.

Let's check some reality TV boxes shall we?

Extroverted money grabbers wanting their 15 minutes of fame? tick
Stupid physical tasks that involve personal harm? tick
Attractive people willing to wear next to nothing and spend lots of time near a pool? tick
Ethnic - but not too ethnic* - element? tick
Morally bankrupt people willing to walk over their mother to win a buck? tick
Botox-injected host secretly delighting in the contestant's pain and suffering? tick
Gay element? tick
Underlying racism, homophobia and general ignorance bubbling all too close to the surface? tick

Basically, it's another bullshit reality show - after 20 minutes I'd already had more than enough.

* "ethnic elements" in reality shows are usually tanned - but not too tanned - second or third generation south-east European people. The inclusion of an Indian couple in this series is a logical move considering a lot of British reality TV has the token Indian contestant and a lot of Australian programming is purchased from the UK. This particular Indian couple are of course not too tanned and certainly don't have accents - god forbid!

So totally like, random.

While I'm on the topic of gratuitous use of animals (see last post), channel 9's Random Acts of Kindness has put a Woodend animal shelter in hot water after renovations on the property didn't comply with Department of Primary Industry guidelines. Supposedly the programmers were advised of the guidelines, yet didn't comply with them.

Mind you, the proprietor Trish Burke did point out that the shelter was already in breach of guidelines relating to staff training and proper management of waste water - but she insists that the programs renovations are primarily what has alerted the DPI to the breaches. Hmmm.

It seems she was well aware that while she was enjoying her 'surprise trip' that the shelter was undergoing renovations. And she was obviously well aware that the shelter would be a focus of the program and eventually be aired on television - thus bringing it to the attention of the DPI in any case, including any breaches of the guidelines that were already happening.

So who has the duty of care to liaise with the DPI to ensure any renovations carried out meet guidelines? It seems the RAK producers wanted some sweet little fluffy kittens in soft-focus (sure to pull the audience heartstrings) but didn't worry about the technicalities. And it seems that the proprietor wanted a weekend away and a free renovation but didn't want to worry about the details.

The unfortunate thing is that the shelter might be closed. The animals are the ones paying the price - and they weren't even asked to sign the channel 9 waiver (although I wouldn't put it past the producers).

Perhaps RAK will in future be more mindful of the effects of their 'randomness'.

Blind Talent

Reality program Dancing with the Stars started this evening on channel 7 with its supposed "world exclusive" of a blind contestant.

The incessant publicity relating to contestant Gerrard Gosens' disability has been mildly offensive to me, let alone people who actually live with disabilities and try to lead normal lives without people gawking and patronising. The fact that host Daniel MacPherson made reference to the upcoming performance before every ad break wasn't nearly as cringe-worthy as the fact that they got some kid from Australia's Got Talent (cross promotion anyone?) to sing "You Raise me Up" before the paralympians dance routine as the show finale.

Hello? Anyone seen Scent of a Woman? or how about the classic 1986 made-for-tv-movie Can You Feel Me Dancing? starring Justine Bateman? I don't know much about Gerrard Gosens, but if he's an amazing person it's in spite of his disability - not because of it - which is what the show seems to be using as a publicity booster.

Not that I was expecting anything classy from this abomination-of-all-things-holy of a program. I can only really comment on what I saw between channel flicking - which was Today Tonight host Matt White (cross promotion anyone?) leering at his partner in a way that only a 17 year old virgin let into a Playboy mansion orgy could do - before grabbing her breasts and trying to break her back over his knee ... twice. I didn't think I could hate Matt White any more than I did before tonight but his (high rating might I add) performance made me cross my legs and want to scrub myself with Solvol soap until my skin was gone.

The only other performance I saw was swimsuit model (ie. men's magazine model) Emily Scott. The producers must really be clutching at straws for celebs when they're flicking through porn magazines and thinking "I wonder if this woman will do anything for media exposure?" ... answer; yes. I don't know how they didn't think of it sooner - if anyone is willing to make themselves look like an idiot for a quick buck it's the 'adult magazine' model. Next year they could get sponsorship from Picture magazine and call the show "Dancing with the Home Girls".

Let's see - what else was there? Oh yes, judge Mark Wilson's hairpiece - surely the costume department could have spent all the money saved on making the female costumes entirely of just string and sequins into getting a better stuffed animal to cover his receeding hairline?

Did I mention I hated the show? I won't be wasting another second on it.

Reality Poor Sports

The phenomena of reality TV failures having a bitch about the show after they're kicked to the curb is getting a bit tired. Of course I speak of Masterchef's Poh Ling Yeow who was eliminated from the show this week after a minestrone taste-test.

Poh made comments after the show about 'in-fighting' and 'sabotage' and insinuated there was some underhand dealings between competitors ... ummm ... correct me if I'm wrong but isn't it a competition? A footballer doesn't hand the ball to his opposition with a "there you go chap, I believe that's what you're after" and a pat on the back. As if any person in a competition wouldn't do everything they could to win.

Here was the article about Poh in the Herald Sun and here was a similar article the week before about ousted contestant Geni.

Contestants on reality TV need to realise that it has nothing to do with talent and that it has everything to do with demographics and ratings. Robert Mills and Shannon Noll are perfect examples of this - neither of them were able to sing in tune or with any sense of musicality at the start of their respective series of Australian Idol - yet they moved ahead every week while people with actual singing talent were dropped by the wayside. Why? Because they filled a demographic. Young, (supposedly) good-looking lads that they were, the teenage girls who vote for Australian Idol were inevitably going to develop RSI in their texting thumbs in support of these lovable lads.

You can almost pick the 'types' of people there will be on these programs. Australian Idol as an example will have; the big-voiced girl who loves singing Whitney and Mariah. The 'ethnic' boy or girl (Anthony Callea, Mark Spano, Natalie Gauci), the Rocker, the Emo, the Blonde Bombshell, the Sensitive-Little-Thing (Lisa Mitchell), and the musical-loving Stage Singer. There will also usually be a Kiwi element and of course the 30 or 31 year old getting their 'last chance' to shine. My particular favourite element is the 'quirky-kid' - these are usually not at all the kinds of people you would expect to see on reality TV and eventually get torn apart by the judges - remember Chanel Cole? Bobby Flynn anyone?

Basically, it's more luck than talent when it comes to reality TV - so I wish the contestants would stop being spoil-sports, appreciate their 5 minutes of fame for what it was, and fade into obscurity so the next batch of wannabes can have their shot at the title.