'Tis the Season

It's coming up to that time of year where I have to buy presents for people.

I know, I know, it's hypocritical of me, being athiest, to celebrate Christmas. But I really don't.

I celebrate X-mas.

The 'X' stands for excess and I base my celebration on the three 'C's; consumerism, commodification and commercialism. I celebrate these ideologies once a year by attending packed shopping centres at the last minute and buying overpriced, irrelevant items for people who would prefer a gift-voucher. I ritualistically swipe my credit card. I solemnly, in an act of selflessness akin to Jesus himself, attach the receipt to the gift in the event that the giftee wishes to return it. There's no room for humility at X-mas time. I give and give and give, until the ribbon can curl no more and my fingertips are bleeding from $2 shop tape-dispenser mishaps.

Basically the method in previous years has been to buy mass-produced gifts that are about the right size, cost and age-appropriateness - which, in fairness, is perfectly in keeping with the three Cs.

But this year I've decided to do things differently.

Firstly, I realised that I know lots of exceptionally talented people. These people write books. Books are good gifts for two reasons, (1) if you buy them early enough you can read them yourself before you pass them on, and (2) they are easy to wrap and post.

So here is my X-mas shopping list. As I love and/or know all of these authors (I love all of them and know some of them) it's especially heartwarming because I am giving them the gift of potentially making the Readings Top 10 list. Wahoo!

Also, the list is all Australian. Go me!

So here you are, the 2010 Screamedia X-mas gift list;

Andrew Marlton
First Dog on The Moon's The Story of The Christmas Story

Firstly, for the kiddles, there is that loveable pup, Crikey's own First Dog on the Moon. If only there was a Dance Bandicoot plushie to go with it *sigh*. What a precious little book this is. There are quirky little bits only grown-ups will notice and enough crazy fun for the littlies.

Paul Kelly
How to Make Gravy

This one is my gift to myself - I might get it for someone else too, but I will have to get another copy because I am enjoying cradling this one in my arms like a warm blanket. I wish I wish I wish that Kelly would record a full audiobook for this. This video from ABC's Big Ideas is such a tease.

Benjamin Law
The Family Law

I love this book. That is all. You can read me gushing about it here. I know exactly for whom I will be purchasing it; someone that is maybe homesick and maybe needs a good laugh and is definitely missed terribly.

Tony Wilson
Making News

I produce the Triple R Breakfasters podcast. Wilson is a former Breakfaster. I am related to sports-loving freaks. Wilson makes sports entertaining. It's all coming together. Not only will I be gifting this but I am currently reading it myself, contrary to being violently opposed to anything even mildly sports-related. Also, I have been promised a sex scene. That is all. 

E. Chas McSween, Enron Hubbard, Flash Johnson, Hunter McKenzie-Smythe, 

Intravenus DeMilo, Michael Jayfox
Things Bogans Like 

I'm pretty sure gifting this little ditty will get me excommunicated from some friend groups. But I don't like the idea of giving it to my Fitzroyalty friends so they can have a collective snigger at our Ed Hardy-wearing, Bacardi Breezer-sipping, Zumba-loving associates. That's just nasty. I'd rather give the book to the supposed Bogans so they can have a giggle at themselves. Hopefully by next year there will be a Things Elitist Intelligentsia from the Inner North-East Like book to sort out the rest of my gift-purchasing.

Shaun Micallef
Preincarnate

Genius. Micallef's 2004 book Smithereens takes pride of place on my bookshelf - as will our wedding photo when he finally retracts the AVO he has filed against me. That's a joke of course - the photo would go on the wall, not the bookshelf. In all seriousness, Micallef is a fantastic writer, humourist, entertainer, specimen of a man and all-round-talent-powder-keg. Can't wait to get my grubby little hands on this one. One for me, one for you.

Barrie Cassidy
The Party Thieves: The Real Story of the 2010 Election 

For the politics nerds. There's nothing like starting a new year reading about the last one.

Pip Lincolne
Sew La Tea Do

I want this one too. A crafty little ditty like this totally goes against the X-mas spirit of mass-production and consumerism but hey, in the religion of ME anything goes. And it's pretty. So there.

Curvy 7 & Semi-Permanent 2010 (books 1 and 2)

Eeeeek. I wait with bated breath every year for these precious prints to be released. Illustration. Design. Love.

Oslo Davis
Overheard

A nice little stocking filler. Not only are Oslo's illustrations gorgeously funny, I got to interview him a few months ago for a sound project I was working on and he is just as charming, witty and sharp as his artistry suggests.

So, there it is. All tied up with a neat little bow.

Who have I forgotten? There's so much wonderful book-ness out there.  Have YOU written a book that I should add to my shopping list?

Add your own Australian book gifting ideas in the comments below.

Build a Bridge: Logie Tweet-gate

The Logies on Sunday was the usual mess of bad jokes, pretty frocks, undeserving awards and golden moments (thank you Shaun Micallef). I never expect much from the event - if I don't fall asleep it's been a good show and if I'm not hiding behind the couch cringing at the overly-scripted "casual chatter" between presenters, even better.

But seemingly there are people out there that take the whole thing a little too seriously - besides the cast of Home & Away, who's only chance to prove to their parents that they indeed have 'made it' is to take home a "most popular male/female talent" award. There are viewers that are obviously a little too sensitive about their favourite soap/reality stars.

The Herald Sun today has shamed Melbourne comedian Catherine Deveny, calling her Logie tweets acid-tongued and offensive. Really? I thought they were hilarious. In fact, thanks to Deveny, Wil Anderson (who also got a spray from news ltd.) and a few others, the Logie broadcast was made almost bearable. 

What better topic for Australian comedians than our laughable rabble of 'celebrities' on their night of nights? John Mayer spends half his life saying stupid shit - we can't be shocked when he gets bagged for it. And seriously, Bindi Irwin? She's not so much a child as a social construction - there's nothing child-like about her, but for her appearance. In any case, comedy's hit and miss, what I find funny, others might not - but let me have my fun please - and I'll let you keep watching Hey Hey it's Saturday.

Meanwhile, the idiotic tweets of people wondering who KD Lang was and making snide remarks about the fact that she performed barefoot were far more offensive - here's the trick kids, when you actually have talent you don't need the pomp and circumstance of the Gabriela Cilmi number - you can just sing.

"Entertainment Reporter" Pete Timbs on The Circle this morning had a go at both Wil Anderson and Catherine Deveny. He said Wil was a "so-called" comedian (among other things) and was so disgusted by Deveny that he couldn't even talk about her tweets - though he did put a lovely picture of her on screen - nice one Dev. Besides the fact that Pete Timbs was once on a reality tv show generally populated by bogans and boof-heads, what exactly are his credentials to comment on media and/or celebrities? Ohhh, he works for TV Week you say? Well, that clears it up then.

Besides the Twitter storm-in-a-teacup the program wasn't all bad. Bert did a safe performance, KD Lang was amazing, Shaun Micallef shone every time he stepped on stage and tributes to Don Lane and Brian Naylor were respectful (though I'm not sure of Lane Jr. singing at every Australian media event ... we can stop that now, yes?)

Claudia Karvan looked stunning in classic lines - the diamond bracelet, the black gloves, the oh so revealing neckline, the wave in her hair. Perfection. Again, I'm not sure why the top story on news.com.au yesterday was that her nipple was slightly exposed when she leaned forward on the red carpet - it was the least of the 'reveal' issues of the night - I'm pretty sure you could see what Brynne Gordon ate for breakfast whether she was leaning forward or not.

Jessica Marais was gorgeous as usual, as was Margot Robbie. Ruby Rose looked like a contestant on Bret Michael's Rock of Love (and I don't mean that in a good way), though I loved her silver hair.

Overall it would have been a very dull night without Twitter - so I salute Wil, Catherine and the like and look forward to the next otherwise snore-fest event being made bearable by the T-wit-ter pros.

EDIT: Catherine Deveny's been fired from The Age ... what a load of crap. So utterly disappointing. 

 

A BIT OF EVERYTHING

Well, I haven't blogged for a while! Sorry about that. As usual life takes over.

Here's just a quick wrap-up of what's been happening (or is coming up).

Artsy stuff I'm loving;

1) Kill Your Darlings literary journal. Not only is it an amazing collection of writing, reviews, interviews and awesomeness but it looks so sexy. It's worth the moula for the cover pic alone (by Melbourne-based artist Jeremy Ley). There's so much goodness here - do yourself a favour.

2) The Wheeler Centre: Books, Writing, Ideas. This is why I love Melbourne. The Wheeler Centre is all about creating discourse around writers and writing - does that sound boring to you? Well you would be wrong there - check out the videos of events that have already happened - including this amazing performance by Paul Kelly at the Gala Evening of Storytelling - and prepare to concede defeat.

I attended the Gala night on February 13 and let me tell you there was a spark in that very large room - the air was electric with anticipation. Not just for the evening of speakers ahead but at what The Wheeler Centre means for Melbourne and where it might take us. Booking online is easy, many of the events are free and if not, are very reasonably priced. The Wheeler Centre has added further evidence to the "there's always something to do in Melbourne" argument, and how.

3) Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Yeah I know, it's over, but bloody hell I love Melbourne ... did I mention that? I managed to catch a whole lotta Comedy Fest. this year but there were two stand-outs for me. Firstly, Good Evening, with Shaun Micallef and Stephen Curry. If you've read this blog at all you know I have a serious crush on Micallef, but don't let that make you think I'm bias in my very high opinion of this production. I know it was the big-name ticket of the festival but there's a reason that these two gentlemen are so loved; they are brilliant. And that is all.

My second pick is Catherine Deveny's God is Bullshit: That's the Good News. It's so hard to love Deveny because she's so hit and miss. One minute you're reading her column shouting "Right on Sister!" and the next you're cringing behind the couch watching her on Q&A, wondering why she told that really bad joke and was glaring at Peter Dutton as if her retinas were burning. 

So I attended her show hoping for the best and was really, wonderfully impressed. She wasn't cracking a string of one-liners - she was telling a story that was close to her heart and it really worked. You didn't have to laugh, you didn't have to agree, you didn't have to understand. I especially liked the references for us post-Catholic-childhood Atheists; liturgical dancing? check. She was wonderfully entertaining and I do love a good "Fuck You!" to organised religion. And the really good news? She's doing a return season at Trades Hall from the 5th to the 8th of May. In the meantime, check out her Lunchbox/Soapbox at, you guessed it, The Wheeler Centre! Whoop!

TV stuff I'm loving;

1) The fact that The Pacific out-rated Hey Hey it's Saturday on its debut Wednesday night.

I watched a bit of Hey Hey and was suitably appalled at the nanna jokes, thinly-veiled racism, not so thinly-veiled sexism and general cringe-worthiness. It's just so wrong. It's like someone tore a hole in the space/time continuum and vomited in it. I didn't watch The Pacific, I'm not really into war-porn. I will try to watch some of the Melbourne episode tonight though (or one of the seven hundred 'encore' repeats on 7 digital).

2) Wilfred (SBS, Monday night 10pm). That mangy dog is a heart breaker, but oh, how I love him. This season is brilliant, my favourite so far is episode 2 where Sarah takes the boys to Nambour and Wilfred has an interesting existential conversation with a Cocky played by ... what do you know? Mr Stephen Curry! (I'm really tying things together here, huh?)

Other stuff;

Underbelly - Episode 1. I watched the first 15 minutes, the last 15 minutes and some bits in between. The dialogue is crap, the acting is average, the voice-over is intolerable - let's see, that leaves tits, stabbings, guns, tits, money, tits, drugs and tits. The most interesting thing about it was following the boob-count on Twitter. Underbelly; where television soap stars go to die (in a knife fight in King's Cross of course). The most horrifying bit was when the voice-over stated that the good-girl-turned-hooker had "liberated" herself by becoming a whore. Seriously? For fuck's sake.

MTR AM - Melbourne's new boys club AM radio station. You can expect bigoted commentary from program director Steve Price and his mates Andrew Bolt, Sam Newman, Steve Vizard and Jason Akermanis, to name a few. Any women you ask? Well a woman does the news updates, and then there's a program on Sundays that's co-hosted by a woman. Take THAT glass ceiling! I am loving thinking of things "MTR" might be an acronym for though; More Tiring Rants is my current favourite.

Roberta Williams - Since the death of Carl Williams on Monday we can expect to see a whole lot more of Roberta (well, whatever there's left to see after her lads mag shoot *spews in my mouth a little bit*). Supposedly New Idea is offering $250,000 for her story and ACA and TT will no doubt be returning to the story every day with "new angles" - i.e. What did Carl eat for breakfast that day? Was he a boxers or briefs kinda guy and did that have anything to do with his homicidal tendencies? - You know, the important stuff that the public want to know.

Masterchef is back - I'm kind of watching it, in that I'm watching it but not actually looking at it because I'm doing other stuff (like cooking a masterchef-worthy dinner). It's all tears and coulis really isn't it? "I'm doing this for my family", "I didn't want to look back and realise I wasted my life", "This is the most intense thing I've ever done" and from the judges, "I'd sell this in my restaurant", "Who would have thought a *insert occupation here* could cook" and "We want you to continue your journey" ... there's the recap for you.

Twitter - I love Twitter. I especially love living vicariously through Twitter. Watching Q&A whilst following Twitter makes it almost bearable when a planted Young Liberal asks a stupid, irrelevant  question (almost). Reading all the hilarious responses to the latest scandal is especially fun - my favourites are @thingboganslike, @firstdogonmoon, @trubnad, @domknight, @scrivenersfancy, @catherinedeveny and @wil_anderson.

Right, so there's a bit of a lot of stuff that I've been musing on - hopefully I get a chance to blog a bit more frequently soon.

In the meantime - follow me on TWITTER ... it's over there on the sidebar ... do it ... do it now ...

Hey Hey, Welcome Back to the Future

Well, well, well. Hey Hey it's Saturday has been green-lighted for 20 "special" episodes (otherwise known as a series) on channel 9 next year. Besides the fact that it's to air on a Wednesday, making the title a little beyond a joke, it looks like Molly Meldrum won't be involved due to his contractual obligations to channel 7 and Foxtel. Molly was the clear, and almost only, highlight of the two specials aired this year. Otherwise it was a series of awkward 'dad jokes' and ditzy girls in too-short-skirts giggling maniacally at Darryl's idiotic jests.

Seriously though, why are we moving backward when there is so much young talent fighting for a head-shot on Australian tv? Rove hung up his gloves recently (in some circles to much applause) but at least Rove Live gave a leg-up to talented people like Ryan Shelton and, love them or hate them, Hamish and Andy.

The Hamish and Andy current affairs spoof "Real Stories" (aired on channel 10 in 2006) was really very funny and didn't get nearly as much kudos as it should have.  Meanwhile we have dinosaurs like Darryl Somers making fart-jokes and vomit-in-your-mouth sexual innuendos rating through the roof.

I don't want to see Somers and Co (who, for the record, were rarely funny the first time round) return with more of the same old crap. The specials were an interesting lesson in nostalgia - with the realisation that (a) you can't go back and (b) what you thought was funny when you were twelve is really, really not very funny.

Want mature people on tv? How about people like Brian Nankervis, Andrew Denton, George Negus, Shaun Micallef? I want to see more of them (- yes, I want to see more of Shaun Micallef and yes, I understand that he currently hosts a show on channel 10 and yes, I have seen him recently feature in every other variety/game-show program on channel 10, and yes, I did spend most of Saturday watching The Micallef P(r)ogramme on DVD). And for a fresh young spin on entertainment, we have plenty of talent in John Safran, Julia Zemiro, the Chaser Boys, Ryan Shelton and Lawrence Leung - creating quality entertainment and fresh ideas.

Hungry Beast on the ABC might have been hit and miss but at least it was something a bit different. The Chaser's War on Everything was controversial - but isn't that a good thing? - don't we want our television to challenge us? To force us to take sides and think about things of importance - rather than to sit drooling with a packet of CC's in front of the plasma laughing at yet another dick-joke from a head on a stick?

I'm dissapointed that after the "black-face incident" channel 9 were still willing to give Hey Hey another go, yet new projects with actual potential don't get a second look. Good luck to Australia circa 2020 as Somers and the gang continue their misogynist, racist, archaic crap and assist in teaching another generation of kids that 'different' is bad and that women are decorative fashion accessories. Maybe they'll have Tony Abbott as a special guest.

Thank God for the New Generation

I wonder if channel 10 lost any sleep over Thank God You're Here moving to channel 7? It seems they needn't have. The super-fun-time that is Talkin' 'bout your Generation (channel 10, Tuesdays, 7:30pm) is giving it a good run for its money in the ratings. I would love to see these two pitted against each other on the same night - or even a fisticuffs between the two lovable hosts - perhaps a mud-wrestle? ... too far?

I've actually found myself wanting the teams on Your Generation to shut the hell up so the focus gets back to Shaun Micallef - his hilarious intros and outros are pure comedy gold. I just don't understand why he's not married to me (his wife probably does, and good for her).

Anyway, I'm finding Thank God You're Here to be a bit tired this year. At first I thought it could be the guests, but even the genius of Tony Martin last night could hardly keep me interested. The performances are a little lack-lustre and, dare I say it, self-indulgent.

Or maybe the TGYH train is leaving the station and the new generation is pulling in.